Monday, October 11, 2010

Is potential future embarrassment a good thing?

I’ve been thinking about how I’m sorry I told my sister about the band because of the increased scrutiny from her. “is it working yet?” But I wonder… is it better that she knows – that a lot of “she-s” in the world know? The reason I don’t like that she knows is that I worry I won’t live up to her idea of successful. Or I won’t get there fast enough. If she didn’t know and I fail at this too, than she wouldn’t be able to look at me with pity in her eyes. She wouldn’t know I’m a failure yet again. I really haven’t dieted very many times in my life and those times that I have I kept it quiet from just about everyone, probably even my husband – and he’s never once been anything but 100% supportive. I’ve kept it quiet both because I didn’t want to fail in front of people, but also because I hate being the center of attention and so I didn’t want the extra scrutiny – especially because I might then fail in front of them.

But… because my sister knows and it makes me uncomfortable because of how she’s acted about it so far – is that a hard concrete motivator out there for me. ‘Man, I don’t want to fail in front of her with this. I went and had surgery and everything, what on earth would she think if I couldn’t manage to use this tool properly?’ There’s a lot of me that doesn’t care, truly, but clearly there’s plenty of me to go around so there’s a lot that obviously does. I wonder, though, if this extra.. something – the fear of embarrassment isn’t maybe a good thing in the end. I really don’t want to see the pity in her eyes so I’m all about figuring out how best to use this tool. 

I wonder if I should find other people, possibly even the judgmental ones, and tell them too, just to help me stay on track?


Angela said...

I totally understand what you are saying and that is precisly why I haven't told many people. I am a people pleaser and felt that if I failed, not only would I have let myself down, but I would have let down all those other out there who knew about the band. And for me right now, even the people who know are starting to cause me some headache and frustration.
I truely admire those who have told everyone and not kept it quiet. I hope that one day I will get there because I do hope that my current success and FUTURE success (see how I stuck that in there?) will motivate someone else to make the same decision I did...but I just am not there yet.
Remember, you didn't get the surgery for your sister, you got it for you. Put her out of your mind and focus on what you are doing and how that is positivly affecting your life. You are doing such a great job! (That was kind of long and preachy...sorry!)

amandakiska said...

When you get good restriction it gets so much easier. I'm at the point where I am not doing anything special and I'm still losing weight - lots of it. I'm down more than 85 lbs. in just over 7 months. From my perspective I cannot imagine HOW someone could fail unless they don't get their fills or if they chose to eat a lot of high-calorie sliders.

My point is that I believe once you get a bit further along in the process, your issues will take care of themselves. Your sister will see your good progress, she'll see how it works and she won't question you so much.

Linda said...

I got your comment about solid proteins. I guess everyone would say different things, but if I really need to see how my restriction is I eat chicken, fish, eggs, tuna salad, turkey. Foods that could never be a slider.
About the motivation of telling people, I think it may keep you on the straight and narrow for awhile, but ultimately it's for you. Plus, once you are going strong with your loss, she'll ease up.

Something About Kellie said...

I am due to have my syrgery in 5 weeks and have told about 30% of people I consider friends. I have told a couple who I feel will judge me and have been suffering a litlle anxiety for the same reasons you explained about telling your sister! I don't want everyone to know 'if' I fail. I also have not told some of my friends who I believe will be supportive because I think they will be too supportive and want to talk about it ALL the time. Go figure. I just remember that it comes down to our individual journey and what works and doesn't work for each of us.


Drazil said...

Interesting thoughts Read and you know what? I like that you have the ability to take something you didn't want to happen, a potential negative and use it to your advantage. You just took your power back from her....

Lady Lap Band said...

People that treat bandsters like that are the reason I told no one other than the people I live with, mom, dad, and hubby.

Your sister will never understand the band because she doesn't have one and doesn't know the ins and outs of how it works. I think if maybe you really explain to her how it works and that its a really slow process compared to other surgeries, maybe she won't drive you so crazy????

Thanks for your comment on my pic!