Monday, August 31, 2009

Day 1 - I've started

So the day arrived and I started. A couple of weeks ago I ordered some protein bars from Medifast as they were one of the two types of food I could eat when I was doing the most restrictive part of that old plan. So today I took 2 bars with me and put a serving each of soy crisps in 2 ziploc bags and threw it all in my purse and headed to work. I'm eating at the same regular intervals I did last time; 8am, 10:30, 1pm, 3:30, and 6pm. For dinner I have some left over Advanced Heath System pasta dishes which are roughly equal to two other meal replacement thingies and I had one of those. I am also supposed to have 10g of fat all at one time which is for gall bladder health. Though instead of that tonight, I had some steak that my husband had made. I remember that if I had to go off the plan for any reason that the most important thing was to stay in ketosis (or however you might spell that) so I spent the extra 100 calories on a bit of steak, complete with the non trimmed fat. Probably not the best choice, but not the worst either. I'll take it.

Also I updated my weight ticker, I gained weight in the last few weeks of summer over vacation and a general eating orgy so I updated it to reflect what I believe was my highest weight which I measured last Monday and then I lost 1.8 lbs this past week before I started the diet, just by eating more like a human, even though I still went to two different social events; including a 6 hour long fantasy football draft party with food out the wazoo!

I'm nervous about doing this, but am feeling really good about it. I have been having more and more moments of ... um ... I'm not sure what to call it - but a feeling I get where I feel in control of my life and my choices. Like I control what I do and what I eat vs. the food controlling me - and it's not just food - it's everything. I'm either in control or I'm a pawn in someone else's game - and I didn't get the rule book. I hate not having the rule book. I'm the kind of girl who reads the rules cover to cover and I've spent most of my life thinking everyone else had the read the book cover to cover and I couldn't even get a copy. But there are times I feel like I'm in control and know and understand all the rules - or better yet - don't care what the rules are because I'll make my own. Those are the times I'm at my most healthy.

Monday, August 3, 2009

My plan

Well - I've not been following what I said I was following in my last post. I have, however, been holding my own. I do fairly well during the week and not too awfully on the weekends and am managing to keep my weight in about a five pound range. I have a friend who's been much more successful at losing the weight this year, and it's been really helpful to have her to talk to about this. She's lost weight before and regained it and has now lost most of it again, so she really gets the hard part of this in a way not everyone does. I haven't seemed to be able to flip the page to the "I'm losing weight now" place, but am feeling pretty good about not being on the "I'm gaining weight" page.

It's summer and frankly as you all know, it's just plain hard to start losing weight in the summer; I'm really trying to cut myself some slack over that. Every single week we have some sort of event or often a variety of events to go to - and for me - it's just not working to get it started with all that temptation. Just this weekend alone - we had my company's crab feast on Saturday and the end of season swim team party on Sunday - oh and it's my son's birthday on Wednesday so there will be cake on that day as well as on Saturday for his party and then of course on Sunday for his best friend's party (the parents are good friends of our and we'll be there too).

The worst place for me to be mentally is in this awful cycle of.. eat poorly - feel like a failure - eat poorly for comfort - feel like a failure - etc. I'm not there and feel good about just that. I'm disappointed that I've not been loosing all this time, but it's more important to me that I not fall into a bad and destructive place mentally.

As has worked for me in the past - I've set a date in the future that is getting closer every day that I'm going to suck it up and do it. The date is the first day of the school year. I actually don't know the date, because I'm not looking at a calendar, but it's the Monday before Labor day; the last week in August. When I lost weight so successfully a few years ago it was through a supervised plan, but ultimately it was eating Medifast and another company's food - higher in protein and lower in carbs - not no carbs, but lower in that area. That worked for me, and kept me from being hungry. I've just learned that Medifast is not far from me and you can buy directly from them. I think you can do it online too, but I'm not sure.

It's my plan to start on virtually the same plan I was on a couple of years ago and work with that until I reach the halfway point or so - maybe a little further if it's still working and I'm not bored. But something I want to do this time, which is different, is I want to switch away from that and over to Weight Watchers when I still have 20 - 40 lbs to lose. I do think that the WW plan is a plan for the really long haul. The kind of thing you could do for the rest of your life. I am even going to find a meeting and go to it. Over the years I've been to a variety of WW meetings and have not ever gotten a damn thing out of the meeting part of it - other than torture - as in it's the price I have to pay kind of thing - and I guess somehow - paying that price sometimes keeps me in line. So I'm going to do it, so I can have a place - a public place - to weigh in on a regular basis.

A couple of years ago - I talked about setting up things for when I hit my goal weight that would keep me motivated to stay there. Like continuing to weigh myself regularly and having a range with the concrete knowledge that if I go over the high part of the range, then I will take immediate steps to jump back into "losing weight eating" vs. "maintaining weight eating". I never, however set up things for how to keep myself motivated - or at least willing to keep doing it - along the way, and I think this idea of switching to WW is one of those things - an along the way thing.

A coworker has gotten me a Medifast pamphlet and I'm planning on reading it and ordering the food and whatnot, so I have everything ready and waiting for me when that start date comes around. (Asking the coworker is a big step for me, it's a sign of how serious I am about this to let someone know I'm at least thinking along these lines). We go on vacation in a couple of weeks and then have a week home before school starts so that last week, I'll lay out my food in little daily groups. (that's something I did last time - there was something - I don't know - calming - or matter of fact - or resigned - about doing that. This is what I'm eating and only this. Or this and a salad with some protein).

I'll keep you posted as to how it goes.