Friday, October 8, 2010

BYOC - kind of deep...

It’s another episode of BYOC….Bring Your Own Crazy….where we answer questions to get to know each other better. Come join us! Copy and paste to your blog and have fun!

1. If you wrote a biography on your life, what would the title be?

Entropy.  Also if when I buy a sailboat, that'll be her name too.  Of course this isn't remotely a catchy title and therefore no one would read it, but that might be my ulterior motive??  I learned in 7th grade science class (Mr. Moonyham - what a great name) that it meant scientific chaos - or a state of chaos or something chaos related - and right then it struck me that's what I'd name my sailboat.  Of course I just looked it up on and it gave me all these definitions about thermodynamic variables and other phooey so maybe I've been wrong all these years and now my dreams are shattered.  (My husband says I can be a bit dramatic).  I did find way at the bottom the following that is close enough.

1868, from Ger. Entropie  "measure of the disorder of a system," coined 1865 (on analogy of Ger. Energie ) by physicist Rudolph Clausius (1822-1888) from Gk. entropia  "a turning toward," from en-  "in" + trope  "a turning" (see trope).

And so I'd name the book and the boat Entropy because I think life and sailing are just organized chaos.

2. Would you take $1 million dollars to leave your present life – including friends and family – to start over somewhere else? You’re leaving your physical location to never go back but you can contact them via phone and net and such. (you take your immediate family with you..spouse, kids, etc.)

hmmm.  I don't have anything really against leaving but I love the 4 seasons that Maryland provides and the beautiful Chesapeake bay, so... I don't think so.  Not to mention I don't deal well with aboslutes in anything especially when they are about things I can not do - like never go back.  When we were little my mother told my sister and I we could never leave MD - she was mostly kidding of course, just being a hopeful mother.  But both of us have stayed and we tell people it's because our Mom won't let us go.  (Apparently people who stick around the bay their whole lives are sometimes called bay-stickers.  We're very creative here in MD)

3. Are you a person everyone trusts or do you have trouble trusting everyone or both?

Everyone trusts me and I think that's wonderful and lovely and I'd never betray anyone's trust.  But I have mucho trouble trusting others.  It's extremely hard for me to let down even a hint of my guard and I rarely, rarely do.  It is one of the things I have been actively working on the past few years.  I'm very much trying to be more open to people.  It's hard for me, both because it's scary, but really even more so because I don't really know how to do it.  It's a bit of trial and error I guess for me at the moment.

4. Looking back, if I asked you what one event changed the course of your life – and you had to answer immediately the first thing that popped into your head…what would it be?

Is it bad that absolutely nothing popped into my head?  OMG.  Maybe this is my problem - LOL.  I have things swirling around my head that maybe should be the answer; divorce, death, birth, marriage but.... I don't think so.

Wait.. I've got it and it's just dumb, but.. sadly true.  When we were kids we lived in a neighborhood where my sister and I were just about the only girls so we played a lot of football with the boys which was great.  I can remember having an epiphany on the field one day when I was maybe 10 or 12ish that girls totally rule the world - as long as we let the boys think they do, we can do anything we want.  My sister and I wanted to stop playing and go to the pool so one of us suggested that, but the boys didn't want to follow us lowely girls so they said no.  So we (or maybe it was just me?) started convincing Brent Boone (another good name) that he was hot and sweaty and the pool sounded really good about now and about 10 minutes later Brent suggested (completely believing it was totally his idea) we all stop playing football and go swimming.  Done.  That lesson has pretty profoundly stuck with me all these years.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in life and in blogland.

In life it's been mixed.  We're having our basement finished and that's very exciting - I am so looking forward to banishing the boys (ages 12 and almost 10) and all their toys down there and claiming the main floor as adult land.  The electrical, plumbing, and framing inspections are today and hopefully drywall will start on Monday.  My husband and I, however, are having problems and I'm truly not sure what to do about it or even what I want to do about it.  We're sort of in a place where he needs to fight for me and he's started to, but I'm not sure if that's waning or if I'm not open to it. I think I need to maybe get some personal counseling to get where I am more clarified before he sets up counseling for the both of us, which I've told him I'm completely wiling to do, if he sets it up.  There may come a point where I need to fish or cut bait and then I'll set it up - but... I don't know.  I'm not sure I'm willing to leave because of my kids - it's not awful - I just don't think it's "It." if you know what I mean.

In blogland it's been great - I particularly loved Drazil's blog this week, she really, really spoke to me.  Several years ago I set about to be more open to the world - ready to claim the things that I truly wanted in life - well.. ready to figure them out anyway.  That decision (though there wasn't an actual moment) has brought such love and beauty in my life in many ways, though it's also brought some painful realizations as well.  The things she wrote about this week really connected to me with respect to both the ups and downs of my new found openness.  So, thank you Drazil.


Drazil said...

Awww you're too sweet. Having my epiphanies mean that much more when they help someone I care about (you). I truly hope your hurting heart finds peace....and that the journey in getting there is easy.

Barbara said...

Hey Read.. I just linked to your blog to follow.. sounds like you are doing absolutely wonderful.. hang in there.. there are some really wonderful people out here in blogland.. big hugs!!

Read said...

I clearly came off as too morose in my BYOC as I was definitely in a mood - yes, there are some big issues going on - but for the most part life is pretty darn good. I thank you both for your kind words and concern.