Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Ricky and my mom

First things first... Justawallflower (I can't think if you use your real name in blogworld or not) - you have gone 'round the bend if you think bringing Ricki to Chicago is anything like a good idea.  OMG!  (okay, I just had to get that off my chest)

So I swear to God - these two women were vying for the lead in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest tonight.

Jackson had his fourth grade band concert tonight.  Let's back up, shall we.  This damn concert (he plays drums just like his older brother) had my anxiety ridden child running to the bathroom for the last several weeks at the mere thought of practicing.  I think he figured if he didn't know the parts he wouldn't have to perform.  Finally I told him I couldn't care less if he performed he was still going to have to play the damn bell piece for me - perfectly.

Brad took Jack, Jake (Jack's best friend who's in middle school but really wanted to see Jack's concert - isn't that cute), and Ted early because Jack couldn't stand the waiting anymore, so I got to take Ricky a bit later.

On the way over I heard about the fight she had with her daughter with whom she lives.  It included Ricki telling Dawn to "ef off" (that was whispered) as Ricky said it.  "I prolly shunt have said that, but I think she said it to me first." You think she said that to you? 

But seriously, my mom totally won the award tonight.  My birthday was about a week and a half ago and this is the first time I've seen her since then.  She brought me a present.  Well.. it was a gift bag full of several presents.... She clearly spent time and effort picking each piece out especially for me.  First I reached in and got the card and she said "I don't sign cards, that way you can reuse them."  um... okaaaay, and sure enough - it's a card.  A blank card.  It played music.  Okay, well on to the gifts.  There was a hair brush - a teal blue hair brush.  Have any of you seen my hair?  It's really curly - I don't brush my hair - unless it's Halloween and I'm going for the zombie look, but this will be a nice distraction for Ricky who always wants to use my hair things..  I'm gonna put this brush out and she'll think it's mine - bwahahahah.

Then there were the two pairs of socks.  Hey, I'm thrilled about these.  She got me these amazing socks for Christmas and I LOVED LOVED LOVED them and asked her to pick me up some more of them. 

Me: Oh yay! Some of those socks!!!

Her: uh, nope.  They were all out.

mmmmkay - so... what? you thought two pairs of knee high socks (still with the 2 for $5 tab on them) said - just because it's 98 degrees outside you want me wrapped up in warmth supplied by you??

Moving right along.  A tube of black liquid eyeliner.  Seriously.  I've got nothing against black eyeliner, I'm sure it's a wonderful staple to many people's makeup bags.  But with my green eyes, I've never once worn black anything.  I don't even wear black mascara.   Give me some purples, greens, browns - I'm good - black not so much.  Maybe it goes with the brush and I should definitely be a zombie for Halloween this year.

Then there was the insta-dry fuck me red nail polish.   I was totally planning on doing my nails today - and I think fuck me red definitely says hot summer day - totally going for it.

A book called Deception - upon hearing me say "Deception"...

Ricky: is that the new perfume by Elizabeth Taylor.  She's dead you know.  And even so, her perfumes - did you know she had a lot of them - they're really selling a lot of them.  She was married... To more than one person, did you know that?

This led to a spirited conversation between my mom and Ricky about who could name more of Elizabeth Taylor's husbands.  Everyone was impressed when Brad added "that Fortensky guy."

And a pair of earrings that we decided must be a basket of flowers and the flowers are little blue beads.  For years her husband, my step dad, used to give me gold hoops for gift giving occasions because that was an easy go to and he knew that my ears itch if the earrings aren't actually gold or silver.  I think mom missed that memo.  They're cute though.

After they left and I was laughing at the bag -
Brad: You know what this is, don't you? 
Me: What?
Brad: A trip to CVS
Me: (mimicking my mom) I don't sign cards, so you can re-use them
Brad: A trip today, on their way up here, to CVS.

Oh and at the bottom of the bag was a small plastic grocery bag with another identical card in it - also not signed.  I just looked at her and she looked confused.  "Perhaps you got this one for Christine?" (my sister).  Mom: yup, that's it.  I'm so glad I came in with you, otherwise I'd have been totally stumped when her birthday rolls around.


~Lisa~ said...

What a hoot! I would have paid money for tickets to see that event! Happy (belated) Birthday to YOU!! P.S. I want the socks.....

Justawallflower said...

Hmmm, I didn't realize your mom was just as funny as Ricki! Too funny!!! Oh to be a fly on the wall at your house sometimes!

Lyla said...

Ah, the CVS birthday!

This totally makes me smile, because it reminds me of my husband's grandparents. This is important for the context of my tale-- they were very wealthy. They doted on my husband, and to a lesser extent, his sister. My first Christmas spent with them, they gave me a gift of. . . wait for it. . . hotel toiletries that they'd taken from nice hotels over the years. Yes! Little bottles of shampoo, conditioner, lotion, a hair net or two. . .

Hahahahaha! The thing is, they really liked me so I couldn't even take it as an insult. Plus, every year they gave their son a clothes basket FULL of dollar general toiletries, so I think this was sort of normal for them. I genuinely love that story.

Laura Belle said...

Oh that's so hilarious!

My grandma is the same way at Christmas time. I swear she'd go to the dollar store and get us the first thing she saw. Once when I was in 8th grade, we (all of my 13 cousins) opened up our 'gifts' and they were those trolls that were really popular way back then. First, we were a little old to get dolls, second, they were graduation themed. Really Grandma?!!

Lee Ann said...

O.M.G. I laughed so hard I have tears at the corners of my eyes. Thanks for the laugh. And the picture was priceless.

Pamela E. Williams said...

Now this was funny as heck!! Funny how as I was reading this I could hear it in your voice and I have never heard your voice. It read like you were telling a story, LOL!

Your family is funnnnnnnny! And yes Brad is right....a trip to CVS. As they say it is the thought that counts.

Sandy Lee said...

It's the thought that counts???

Think, re-gifting, maybe to the MIL.

And I gave my hubs the same valentines day card for years. I am so cheap when it comes to cards but spend it on the gift. I'll have to send you some stickers instead.

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Jesus Mary and Bart. Yes I said Bart...because even St. Peter can't handle this one. Wear the damn nail know you want to. God - this was so funny...thank you for sharing...I'm sure you didn't really want to..ha!

Jacquie said...

LOL! I hope you googled Casey Anthony! She has consumed my life since July 2008! Its such a sad story and little Caylee and those huge brown eyes remind me so much of my daughters when they were babies! Also, my older daughter lived in the same apartments as Caseys boyfriend and her boyfriend lived on LI and went to school with my daughters boyfriend at the time!

Ronnie said...

I'd take it all back to CVS and get something you really want! =P