Sunday, June 5, 2011

Some Ricky-isms.....

Our morning political conversation started with her trying like hell not to fuck up the president's name.

Ricky: I know you hate it when I don't get this right.... uh... Labamba

Me: OMG woman!  He's the president of the United States.  Hate him if you'd like, but you have to know how to say his frickin name.  (I made her repeat it back to me several times)

Ricky: I'm sure he's a nice person but he just doesn't share my values.

Me: (just because I know she gets that sentence and every other broad thought in her head either from her evangelical church (I apologize to those I'm offending) or from Fox News, not from her own opinions) What values of his do you not share?

Ricky: abortion (whispered).  He's for it.  (cuz yes, he does run around looking for pregnant women who's babies he could abort). 

Me: I thought you thought abortion was okay in situations of rape and incest.

Ricky: (indignant) Well of course it is!  No one should have to carry to term in that situation, of course I'd rather they give it up, but if they just can't then that has to be their choice.  My church thinks it's awful that I think that, but I do, and I tell them I do.

Me: So, on this issue your values and his aren't that far apart.

Ricky: right, they're not. (with an obviously, duh! tone)

Me: So, what other values don't you agree on?

Ricky: when he's in other countries he knocks the country.  (this would be a Regular Fox News talking point)

Me: You're saying the President of the United States goes to other countries and says bad things about the United States?  (she nodded yes)  Okay, what has he said?

Ricky: Uh... Well... He knocks our country especially when he's in Muslim countries.  You know his middle name is Hussein.

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No way am I voting for Newt Grinrich.  (Grin-rich?  really?  Grin rich... is he smiling a lot??)  It's not up to me to judge him for how he treated his first wife.... BUT... he left her in not a nice way - he says he apologized but still... but it's not up to me to judge.

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Fred and Lois have a son who thinks he's homosexual (whispered) - maybe they want to be the way they are? I think some of them are born that way.  But Fred says - they can be changed and Lois says he changed that way (whispered) because his marriage failed. 

Um... don't you think maybe his marriage failed because he was gay?  (not whispered)

She was actually doing okay at differentiating herself from blind insanity but she lost me when she told me how she was trying to convince Fred that people could be born that way (whispered).  "Look at the kids who are born sick.  God made them that way too... but you know what? - everyone has free will."

uh.... (shaking head vigorously, trying to clear it so whatever she said makes sense).  So you're saying that the children born sick choose to stay sick???

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Ricky: But... I don't like that talk show girl.. Ellen because she dresses too manly and she pushes her... you know... situation (whispered).

Me: I think she talks about her wife about as often as your son talks about his.

Ricky: oh, you're right too.

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Ricky: I gave S (my 16 year old niece) the sex talk (whispered).

Me: (after I spit my drink all over the table) what on earth did you tell her?

Ricky: if you're thinking of having sex - first think long and hard (hehe) about whether this is someone you can see yourself marrying

Me: so you think you should only have sex with someone you are going to marry?

Ricky: (indignantly) No!  Of course not.

Me: so why do you need to think if it's someone you can see yourself marrying?

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As we were driving back from our shopping excursion today... (and oh how fun that was!!!)

Ricky: I really like to have, though I know it's not always good, you know - the salt and all.  But I really do like, every once in a while. Just a little mind you.  Not a lot. And not often.  You know Dawn is always telling me I need to watch my salt.  So, I'm definitely not talking about a lot. But I think it's okay to do things in moderation, don't you?  (Not actually letting me or wanting me to respond) 'Cause if you have things in moderation it's okay, don't you think?  But you know, every once in a while it's nice to have it, don't you agree?  

Can you guess what she was talking about???  Yeah, me either.

Me: Agree with what (barely controlling my exasperation) I have no idea what you're talking about - you haven't told me yet - though I know you like it and shouldn't have it much.  What the hell is IT?

Ricky: chicken, you know... fried chicken...  from Kentucky

Me: do you mean KFC?

8 comments:

Something About Kellie said...

I've missed the Ricky-isms!!!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Jesus Mary and Joseph - there just aren't words.

Justawallflower said...

This makes me :D

Annie said...

Well, it certainly sounds like you have your hands full. She sounds like a pip! When does she go home??

Pamela E. Williams said...

Ok I was sitting here with tears in my eyes cracking up. Where have I been that I have been missing these Ricky-isms!!??

When she was talking about the salt, I thought she was talking about a margarita (salt around the rim)!!

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

LOL!! Really!

Liz said...

You need to record some of these conversations! Brilliant!

Stephanie said...

OMG...ricky is my mother's long lost twin. Seriously. It is like listening to my mother talk.

sweet georgia brown...she has a clone.