Tuesday, June 7, 2011

That "I'm about to F#@k this up" feeling.... (ETA)

Oh. My. God.  You know, I totally got this whole blog idea from the great post over at The Cozy Coconut and then in my haste at work (see, I was totally pretending to be working) I completely forgot to link over to it - go see...

So that feeling...

What’s that about??  I swear we all know it.  You’re going along doing what you need to be doing and it seems easy enough.  You’re not totally craving things you’d just as soon not be craving.  You’re enjoying getting your work outs in (or at least it’s not killing you).  You feel good.  You feel powerful.  You feel strong and in control.  You’re sleeping better, you’re feeling lighter and ready to tackle what life brings you next. 

Until… dun dun dun.

You get that feeling.  I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but for me it usually happens when I notice I’ve been doing really well.  Eating as I want to be eating, moving as I want to be moving and generally feeling really good.  I notice it – I acknowledge it.  Then I immediately work towards fucking it up.  It’s almost like as soon as I’ve noticed it, I think… well it would suck if I suddenly decided to eat a bag of potato chips – never mind that I don’t even really like potato chips (except Zapps Voo Doo flavor).  And no sooner than that thought is in my mind then I’m suddenly obsessing over potato chips.  And then I wonder what would happen if I stopped working out so diligently.  Then I’m obsessed about that.  And my mind is just full of how I know I’m going to fuck it up and then – I quickly match actions to freakout. 

It’s really not that simple or even remotely a good description – but… the point is – I know it’s coming.  I know that I’m gonna do things that are counter to my goals – I can see it coming down the pike (what the hell does down the pike mean?).  I think there are lots of crazy reasons why we do this to ourselves - for me I think it has to do with being afraid of success.  Does that mean I don't think I'm worthy of success?? I don't know.  Does it mean I am afraid of how my life will be when I'm successful?? I don't know.. But it's just enough one of many, many examples that I'm insane.... Luckily I'm okay with that.

My question is – what are some ways that you good people combat this?  This feeling of impending doom that you know is followed by impending self destruction?  What are some tips or tricks of the trade that you use.  Do you push the negative thoughts out of your brain?  Do you laugh at yourself?  Do you ignore it until it goes away?  Do you take a walk, or a bath or get rip roarin’ drunk?  Have wild sex for hours and hours on end until you can’t think anymore anyway?

Inquiring minds want to know…

15 comments:

Laura Belle said...

Amen Sister!

Had this last week. I ate a cheeseburger. A large one.

I'm not at all any help, but just letting you know you are definitely not alone! I'll be interested in other's responses.

~*Dawn*~ said...

How do I deal with ipending doom... well, I take Wellbutrin :-)...

http://dawnflab2fab.blogspot.com/

Sincerely Me said...

I'd pick choice number five if given the option but when that doesn't seem feasible I drink water and play a mental match of what would 19 year old me do? That stupid kid had the world by the tail and made some lame brained decisions all while setting a path and a career in place that are fantastic. If I'd have known then or listened and acted upon what I know better then/now there wouldn't be this daily struggle to not Fnk up or at the very least it would be easier to manage. Plus my cardio for choice #5 would be SO much better ;)

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Yum Zapps Voo Doo Chips...thanks Read! I can't give advice on this, I'm the exact same way. I say to myself "this can't be real, there's no way that you are so close to onderland", so I start picking up a few calories here a few calories there until I see an increase on the scale just to prove to myself that is can't be real. I'm screwed in the head!

Ronnie said...

I'm the exact same way, in many different aspects (like with relationships and friendships as well!), so definitely staying tuned to see what kind of responses you get. :)

Amanda said...

All my life I have given in to temptations. That is why I am over weight. But you know what? I do it in such a different way now I guess. Like chips. I a good with a serving where as before most of the bag would do it for me. Same with a cheese burger. I love hamburgers but damnit I take to big of bites. So I take the bun off.

Impending doom alters my mood so I turn into mega bitch with the talons out.

Jess said...

I can't help as far as answering what to do to combat the feeling cuz....well yeah I suck at it. That's why I have been stuck at the same weight for over a year.

My reason for self sabotage though? I honestly believe it's becasue I love food more than the "need" to be thin. I HATE that! But it's true. I am not afraid of success at all, I just can't get past how damn good all the food is!

When you figure out how to stop that, let me know too!

Tina said...

Howdy :) I linked your post and answered over at my place...it was worthy of more :)

xxxooo

Lyla said...

Here's my theory:

Of course you're going to fall off the eating wagon or the exercise wagon.

The mistake is not falling off. The mistake we make is absolutely requiring ourselves to be perfect, or else we're a failure. The self-sabotage is not being too lazy to work out for 3 days in a row after a month of good exercise. The self-sabotage is being too lazy to work out for 3 days and saying "well, I am a failure so why bother" instead of getting back to it on day 4.

The sabotage is not the imperfection. Eating a bag of potato chips is not the sabotage. The sabotage is the story we make up in our minds about WHAT THAT MEANS ABOUT US. And the story is-- I'm a failure. I suck. I can't do it. If I make a mistake, it's just as bad as never trying in the first place.

I do it. But frankly, it's bullshit. Yesterday I was supposed to work out. Did I? No. What did I do instead? I ate a McFlurry. But I just decided I'm not going to beat myself up about it. It's one afternoon in my life and it's really not a big deal. I just put on my workout clothes and I'm going to be sweating on the treadmill in just a few minutes. At least today I'm refusing to self-sabotage with the bad story of what a horrible failure I am.

Amanda Kiska said...

I give myself a break. I don't expect perfection all the time. I don't make any foods off-limits. I don't do exercise that I don't enjoy.

That's a bunch of negatives...

If I want chips, I have them. I enjoy all foods in moderation. I chose to exercise everyday because I really enjoy it. I take my dog for a walk and I ride my bike.

I DO f-things up sometimes, but I get back to my good habits the next time I eat and I don't beat myself up about it.

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Yes. The sex. That's what I do. Ok - not really although it does help. Actually - when I notice this - that for me is a big deal. Normally I wouldn't notice this "coming down the pike deal"...so now I actually blog or journal or reach out and tell someone so they can stop me since I haven't been able to figure it out myself. xoxo

Donut Butt said...

I have no good answers as I have been the same boat lately. But reading blogs and blogging seems to help. I also like to try on my 'goal pants' to see if I can get them on further than the last time I tried. If you figure out any good remedies I would sure love to hear them.

Sam said...

I'd love to have someone to do that last suggestion with :p

I tend to try and ignore the feelings... that doesn't work too well, so I wouldn't recommend it :o)

Start fresh, that is what I am starting to do!

Banded Mommy (Angie) said...

I have to agree with Draz... If you haven't already read I blog...complain...its the only way I feel that anyone can understand. My husband doesn't, he has never been in my shoes so he doesn't know what this feels like. I try to see it happening and have a little chat with myself and say "If I want to get to my goal I have to get back on track"... and that usually works. I want to reach my goal so bad but falling off the wagon happens and all you can do is look for support and hop back on.

Justawallflower said...

I definitely do the same thing. And not just on the weight loss front. In all areas of life. For instance, after starting a new job. If a manager or boss starts to compliment me on how well I am doing it's like I immediately respond with "oh yeah, well watch this" and then go about screwing it up in any way possible. And with my weight loss its no different.