Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A few more MIL things...

She just walked out of her room, past my open bedroom door where I'm sitting looking for cool home organizational tools (feel free to make suggestions.  I'm making a command center and I'm way excited.)  But back to Ricky - she just walked by my room on her way to the bathroom.  No biggie, right?  Yeah, well she was nearly naked.  She was putting on her housecoat as she walked by.  She had one arm through... and that was about it.  Seriously?  Seriously?  You can't cover yourself before you open your bedroom door?  I know I don't want to see that stuff - but I sure as hell don't want my 10 and 12 year old sons to see that shit.

Last time she was here (For. Four. Solid. Months.) Brad had to have a conversation with her about walking to the bathroom in her bra and granny panties.  Because, as she had apparently forgotten, we have two CHILDREN and they do not need to see that much of their grandma.  Oh my God woman!!

There was a threat of snow today so of course our county closed schools an hour early - I swear MD has lost it's ever lovin' mind.  The snow was scheduled to start at around 4pm.  That's 4 pm - more than an hour after the latest schools close.  But for some reason it was important to close the schools an hour early.  Of course it didn't actually start snowing until about 5 and I hear we're now supposed to get about 2 inches - thank God the kids got out early!  Phew, imaginary crisis averted!!

Anyway - I had to leave work early during my busiest time of the year because Brad had a doctor's appointment right when Jack would be getting out of school so he couldn't get him off the bus.  I got home and made great use of my unexpected time off.... and then Ricky came down.

Ricky: hiiiii Jaaaaackson, yooorr soo cuuutte.  (looking to me) Iiiisssn't heeee cuuute?

Me: uh.. Yes, he's very cute.

Perhaps she doesn't realize he's 10?  What do you think?

Okay - one more thing....  You'd think that with Brad at the doctor's but Grandma at home I wouldn't have had to come home from work, wouldn't you?  Well... yeah, leaving the kids with grandma is not an option.  Brad and I have a pretty low threshold for babysitters at this point.  Our base line requirement is that if the house was on fire we expect our babysitter to give their best effort to get the children out.  That's really all we require.  Well their grandma (this particular grandma)... she doesn't meet that requirement.  Not even close.

If the house were to catch fire - the most likely scenario is that she wouldn't notice anything was amiss.  (hmmmm, I wonder what that repeated high pitched noise it - I wish it would shut up so I could hear my shows better) - but if by some miracle she did notice a fire for what it was - she would immediately leave and look for someone to tell about her problems.  How hard it was to lose her grandchildren to a fire like that.  The lord must have been ready to bring them home.  I hope it doesn't trigger another depression in me.  But, if it does - well, that's a pretty serious thing.  And it's a real cause for depression so I'll just have to deal with it.  With the lord's help I'll get through it.  Read and Brad must not have taught them what to do in case of a fire.  They'll know next time though, won't they.

Of course in this same scenario - my kids would have gone to a neighbor's house to call for help while they watched their grandma out the window as she wandered looking for warm bodies who's ear she could chew off.

Don't you wish you were here too?

Oh - and....
Has anyone seen the commercial where the really hot men are "dressed" in body paint in various costumes; baseball uniform, mechanic's uniform - things like that - and they are washing their day (and all the paint) away.  YUMMMMMM.  I'm sorry, I got distracted there for a minute.


Drazil said...

Shitballs Read. Seriously - is this woman human? Like breathing with a beating heart? She sounds more like my lizard, Draz. She probably looks like Sheniqua huh? Oh crap - I just insulted your MIL. Don't hate. It's just that I love you so I want to strangle her slowly with a spaghetti noodle...in her housecoat. Hey - at least she doesn't lose $60 sweatpants right? She just doesn't wear pants.

Heather said...

All I can say is Wow... How you stay sane is my question. Love to hear the stories! I pity you, but also think very highly of you as I can't stand my MIL enough for her to sleep in my home!

Jen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen said...

oh my- ding dong you are
hi-larious! I love your posts... I laughed out loud and work earlier and then had to make up a reason why so I didn't have to confess that I was reading blogs... tee hee

~Lisa~ said...

Oh heavens, Lady - it doesn't stop, does it? You poor thing..

I don't envy you, and wish I could send you a bottle of gin and some olives to get through this experience! No human should have to go through this without them!

Maria said...

Four months? Crap! How long is she with you guys this time?

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

I love reading your blog, Read. I'm sorry, but I LOL at them. I do feel sorry for you though. I think I would be drinking margaritas all day until she was gone! Thankfully, I adore my MIL. She's the best. Good luck, sweetie!

Anonymous said...

WOW ... you're a saint, Read. Seriously.