Monday, February 7, 2011

potent quotables from the boys

Loopy: a practical definition
I mysteriously hurt my shoulder.  No idea what the hell I did with it, I can't even point to playing with the toys in my bedside table - though that would have been a funny story.  Anyway, Brad was out of town and I was in a lot of pain.  After work I had to get Jack and get him to basketball practice which was fine, except his anxiety issues make it impossible for me to leave the room and I couldn't find a comfortable position in which to hold my arm and whine whine whine - I hurt.  (and this is so not the point of this story, I swear).  So we finally get home and I rush upstairs and take a percocet that my PCP had prescribed for me for my 2 out of every 3 months of bone crunching period pain.

This was the first percocet I'd taken in many, many years.  I have left over pain meds from various surgeries and whatnot over the years that I've been taking on my own for that pain - which I would have said were mostly percocet which is why I requested it, but as it happens none of them were percocet.  So I was completely unprepared for just how totally stoned percocet made me on an empty stomach.  I was flying... dude. woooooweeeeee.  It brought me back to a time when life was simpler and we all had a perpetual case of the munchies - but again, I digress.

So, I'm in the kitchen stoned out of my mind trying to make dinner while lecturing myself about not killing myself in front of the kids.  'That's an open flame on the stove, Read.  Be very careful around it.'  And then there was the giggling.  Okay so really, here's the point.  A super long lead up to a little tiny funny, but still...

I sit the boys down to have a little conversation;

Me: Boys, I took some medicine for my shoulder and it's made me really dizzy and a little loopy, so I really need your help tonight.
Jack (4th grade): Loopy?  What does that mean?
Ted (7th grade): It means if you need help with your homework you should ask me.

I just put my head down and laughed at that one.  I was pretty sure even in my stoned state that I didn't like that my 7th grader knew exactly what I was trying to get across.

Slapping while wet
Jack and his best friend Jake are running around with their faces painted for the Superbowl (I'm embarrassed to say that Jack likes the hated Steelers because he's an ornery sort, but Jake a very sensible child, desperately wants whoever is playing the Steelers to win so he'd become an instant Packer Backer.)  Jake even brought a make shift Packer Backer Towel to counter Jackson's "terrible towel".  Of course this leads to them snapping these towels at each other and lots of other fun and frivolity.

This conversation may not be funny to some or even all of you, but I swear to God I about fell over laughing when I heard it because I know just how true it is.  (as a disclaimer - Jackson did not get his information from anything either of his parents have ever done or said to him or in front of him)

Jake: Ow!

Jackson: Too bad your leg's not damp.

Jake (Mr. Analytical): Why?

Jackson: It hurts way more if you get your body wet first.

They did go on to get into a long discussion about snapping towels at the pool before and after you've been swimming, but still - I found that hilarious that my son was up on the finer points of pain through towel snap or other type of slaps as the conversation went on to include.


This one time at 'band' camp... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tessierose said...

Too funny! Feel better soon!

Bonnie said...

Hopefully the Steelers losing will help guide your son back to the more sane choice for someone who lives in Baltimore - THE RAVENS! I'm already looking forward to next year and hoping we make it to Superbowl. Sorry to hear about your pain. Hope you are feeling better soon, although the drugs do sound kind of fun.

This one time at 'band' camp... said...

Ok, so we have something in common cause I too was taking those little so called pills last week and I couldn't anymore!!! Two nights down, a few nightmares and a very dry mouth in the morning put me off them FOREVER!!! Never again! LOL, not really but you get it...

My shoulder as well but as some of you already know, I have no idea how mine started either but still waiting for a CT Scan!

Hope you feel better soon or you might just have the munchies for awhile!


amandakiska said...

Boys are too funny!

Hope your should er is better.

Drazil said...

Seriously - I need to do a survey about things in your bedside table. I'm a naive just intrigues me. And yes I did read the rest but I'm just saying. Hope your arm feels better Stoner.

Something About Kellie said...

Anything that reads:

"So, I'm in the kitchen stoned out of my mind trying to make dinner while lecturing myself about not killing myself in front of the kids. 'That's an open flame on the stove, Read. Be very careful around it.' "

is just way TOO FUNNY!!!

Banded Mommy said...

You know it must have been in the air this weekend... Alex was in rare form over the last few days. He had us in stitches Saturday night. We all were laughing soo hard that Alex accidentally spit gatoraide across the room! It was soo funny. I know it probably sounds gross but seriously what he was saying was way too funny. I love kids when they are like this!

~Lisa~ said...

This post was hysterical!! I loved it!

I'm sorry to hear about your shoulder though.. I hope you feel better soon!