I've got these two posts rumbling around in my brain - and one's about annoyance and having a little pity part and the other is about scary things like feeling vulnerable. Which one do you think I chose today?
So... I'm totally annoyed. I keep seeing people I haven't seen in a while and think someone will notice I've lost 40lbs AND I keep having these annoying conversations where people are talking about how they've recently lost weight and no one, okay almost no one - my husband, my best friend, my mother and my sister have all noticed. Of course they know me best so they have a little handicap in that area and my husband and sister both know... so it's not actually no one.
I hate, hate, hate being the center of attention (unless I'm in complete control and using my antics to distract you from really seeing me - but that's a whole different thing - maybe part of the other post). So really I don't like it when people comment or say things about my weight. Part of the reason is then it is confirmed that they had previously noticed I was fat(er). I'd just as soon we all pretend that's not true, okay? But mostly it's because I just don't want to be the focus of the conversation - of the attention - of anything.
But when I got near about 30 lbs down I did my best to become prepared for the inevitable comments that were to come at some point. I know I won't like it, but it's human nature so I can suck it up and say thank you very much.. or yes, I've been watching what I eat and exercising more... yadda yadda yadda.
But jesus h christ... nada... nothing... zip, zilch, and zero. I feel like I'm sitting here ready, hanging on the edge of something, geared up for the appropriate reponse and it's never going to come.
I'm sure it has something to do with losing as slowly as I am, but still. I was at the copier yesterday with a coworker who has had this cronic problem with her knee and had to be on steriods for several years. Several months ago they discovered this other medication that is working miraculously for her and she was able to stop using the steriods. She was talking about what a relief it was that she didn't have to take them anymore and how she had lost 30 lbs since October because of it. Can you believe it, 30 lbs! It's amazing, I feel great.... Uh, yeah. I can kind of imagine it since I've just lost FORTY you freaking moron. And no, I've not said anything to her, but if I had been talking about my weight to her, I certainly would have commented on hers.
Today, in the office, I'm wearing regular size pants and they fit great. Several months ago I was wearing size 20W and they were tight. Do I still have a long way to go, absolutely, but hello...
Then I was at a parent teacher conference (Draz totally gave me the push to go as I ususally let Brad handle them) yesterday and we went and talked to Teddy's 5th grade teacher from 2 years ago. I'm probably 30lbs less than the last time she saw me, unless we've passed in the halls or something. And she immediately starts talking about this great program she and many of the other staff are using at the school called gameon - there's even a website and you get points for eating well and exercising - She's lost 10lbs, she's walking 1 1/2 miles a day. She feels great! If I'm ever interested in something like that she highly recommends it.
okay yeah, thanks. I did 2 miles at 6 this morning, but I'll definitely keep it in mind.
I like both of these women very much. Neither of them are snarky or bitchy in the least. They both were just honestly talking about what's going on with them.
I totally know I look different. I'm going to have to post some before and now (I'm stealing that from Angela) pictures. It's getting annoying people. Okay, pity party officially over (for now).
On a totally different topic. I'm getting ready for work this morning and into the bathroom walks my husband. Wearing only underwear, this is not new. Superman underwear - this... this is new. OMG I laughed so hard. I got a hold of myself and started to put on my makeup only to turn around to ask him a question and then lost it all over again. They are deep superman blue with a bright red waistband. I posted a picture back in December when he bought them. I had tears streaming down my face. He left the room and came back in wearing plain, ordinary underwear.
Why did you change? I asked him. Because you were laughing at me. Okay now I felt badly. But honey, funny's not bad, it's just funny. The last time I saw someone wearing superman underwear, I'm pretty sure Jackson was about four. Okay, he said feeling a little better. Geesh!