Do you have an evil alter ego?

Do you ever get the feeling you’ve been possessed by a hungry, less sane person than yourself?  One who can ignore all your (the sane one) admonitions that eating one more bite (or 236) is too much?  One who thinks nothing of having peanut clusters before breakfast?  One who stupidly goes grocery shopping while starved and buys a cake mix – just for the hell of it?  One who has a couple of bites – protein first – of the huge cobb salad she bought for lunch and proceeds to throw them back up… But… continues to eat every single bite?  One who’s so full she’s wildly uncomfortable, nearly doubled over as she’s scouring the kitchen for something sugar filled to eat?  One who flat out ignores that there is a medical device implanted inside your body to help keep you from massively overeating?  One who has a very excited a-ha moment when she remembers there is a cake mix and quickly makes the cake batter before anyone can come and remind her that she’s full to the point of bursting?  One who sits down with a spoon with the bowl of batter and does her best to cram some more in?

Yeah, me neither.

A busy Saturday and the roarin' 20s

We had a very full Saturday!  It started with everyone's favorite - household chores including the dreaded laundry.  Then we moved on to the first round of basketball playoffs for Teddy.  He's 12 and this is probably the 2nd year where everyone on the court actually knows how to play the game and so it's usually fun to watch the games for the sport of it.  His team is pretty good, but not amazing.  They work very well together as a team, but don't have any really stand out players.  It's their passing and other fundamentals which have gotten them this far - which if you're a sport's fan is fun to watch.  Anyway their game was an extremely stressful nail-biter from start to finish.  The kids on both teams played aggressively on both sides of the ball and there were a lot of fouls on both sides not called - which is not a good thing at this age, I think.  They eventually won by 3 points, but not without first causing quite a few gray hairs in the parents of both teams.


Then we had a gap where we got to do more chores (woo hoo) before heading to Jack's playoff game.  Jackson's team was undefeated for the first half of the season and then they got their first loss - and they've never won again.  This is the first team I've ever seen that seems to have gotten worse as the season progresses.  We think they won the beginning games on their natural athletic ability and by the middle of the season the rest of the teams had learned more about the game and had plays and strategies and whatnot to more than counteract any random group of 9 and 10 year olds.  Anyway - it was the ass kicking to end all ass kicking.  They went into the 4th quarter losing 1 to 16, and that 1 point had been scored very early in the 1st quarter.  Finally Jack scored and then 2 of his team mates scored and it ended up 7 to 18, but man - there were plenty of tears.


And the damn games before his had run really late so Jack's game was more than an hour late in getting started - the event we were going to started at seven and we didn't get home until about quarter of seven.  So mad dash to get ready and then off to a Roarin' 20s themed fundraiser for the library.  Several of our friends we play fantasy football with were there and we had a great time playing with them there followed by some fun at a local bar.


Here's a picture, though I've ruined the deceptively simple lines of the dress by lifting it high enough to show you the gun on my garter - isn't it cute!!

And man, I swear my kitchen walls are not THAT yellow in real life!!


And in not good news - Ricky has been admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure and pneumonia.  Hopefully she'll be released with some new medicine very soon, but any good thoughts or prayers would be much appreciated.  

B.Y.O.C. - My favorite time of week...

It’s FRIDAY which means in Care Bear Land it’s time for BYOC…Bring Your Own Crazy! 5 little questions you can copy and paste to your blog if you so desire – in an effort to get to know each other better and to give your blog brain a break!


Enjoy!

1. Are you a heavy or light sleeper?

I guess I'm a light sleeper, but it isn't generally a problem.  If the kids need me, I'll here them quietly open the door and can deal with whatever it is and if I don't have to get up, can easily go right back to sleep.  My body/brain has gotten used to Brad comeing to bed after I'm asleep so now I only wake up about 50% of the time when he crawls into bed.  In contrast, one of the kids can come in and we could have full out conversations including power point presentations and guest speakers right there at the side of the bed and Brad would never once stir.


2. If you were made into a professor for a day, what topic would you lecture on?

Hmmm.  Interesting queestion.  Is alcohol involved?  no?  okay then.  I guess I'd talk about not settling.  Stand up for who you are, for what you want.  Do the things you love.  Surround yourself with things you love and want and need - not just stuff.  Surround yourself with people who love you for you - flaws and all.  Who want only the best for you, who push you to strive to be all you can and want to be (much like this amazing blogging community).  Or... maybe the art of blow jobs?


3. What’s a skill you’ve always wanted that you don’t currently have?

I have always wanted to know how to play the piano.  And okay - d'oh. (slapping hand to head) -  I have a piano in my house.  I could learn now - what the hell?  How is it that Drazil's BYOC was necessary for me to connect those dots?  I so hate when I'm dumb.

4. Have you ever been in a real cat fight?

I don't really remember much from my childhood - but I have a very fuzzy impression that I may have once.  But I do know that throughout school and probably even up till today people are generally scared of me.  It's something that bothers me occassionally, but mostly just ammuses me now.  But I know without a doubt that that one fact prevented things from escalating to where a fight could have happened on a couple of differenet occassions.  The impression people always had (completely incorrectly I might add) was that I could beat them to a bloody pulp both verbally and physically.  I have no idea why people believe this of me, but I'm know it kept me out of a couple of situations that I would have been completely ill-equiped to handle.



5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

Blogland- On the the one had it's totally fun.  There's a challenge coming up that should be fun, the excitement is still in the air about BOOBS II.  BOOBS 1.5 (as Linda called it) in NY is happening next month and I'm wildly excited to meet some of you lovely people - it's like a little sneak peak before the real BOOBS event in Chicago.  On the other hand - I've felt every bit of creative blog juice run out of my body and lay there like a gelatinous blob at my feet.  I'm hoping it gets its act together soon.  I'm afraid you'll stop liking me.

In real life - Betty (my inner neat freak) is slowly taking the house back and it's making the rest of me so much more calm.  Brad and I continue to not hate each other though I can't say we're doing anything like clicking on all cylanders or anything crazy like that - but it's not a stress bucket being at home and that's a beautiful thing.  Oh... and I'm going to this benefit tomorrow night for the library and it has a roarin' 20s theme.  I'm not really dressing up in costume - but I did buy some fun accessories; a garter with a little miniature gun attached, a feather for my hair and some huge "rinestone" earings.  And I have this great dress that I can just now wear that does lovely things to all the curves I want to accentuate even though it looks like it should be a very plain and ordinary charcoal colored dress.  So it does what I want every outfit to do - make you look good without it looking like you remotely tried to look good.  I usually don't go to these kinds of things because I'm shy and afraid to talk to people I don't know - but a bunch of friends of ours are going so it should be really fun!

Weigh in day

Today is 189.6 which is 3.4 down from last week and 45.4 down in total.  Yay for 45!

This 10 lbs was very, very hard to get rid of - it took three solid months.  I'm very hopeful the next 10 won't take the same amount of time - but as long as I'm heading in the right direction I'll continue to be grateful.

S.A.D. (do you have one of these?), after the pouch test, and a quote...

I've been in a real blogging slump for a while - maybe Ricky took my blogging mojo with her back to New York??? I'm just not sure - but if that's the case and getting it back means getting her back, I can definitely wait!

Here are a few random things running around in my mind...

Shit and hockey

Can we talk about how much shit two people can accumulate in one space?  I had an unexpected day off on Tuesday due to snow and decided I would clean our room.  Ever since Christmas our room has become the Shit Accumulation Depot (that’s S.A.D.)  First there was all the stuff one needs to wrap gifts for two boys forced to get stuff from both their parents and Santa – including the magic unfolding table and chairs.  Then, of course there was the entry of Ricky the MIL – and my need to make her as comfortable as possible – so quickly take some extra shit out of the guest room and store it in my room.  There were a couple of boxes of Christmas presents that haven’t made it where they belong – like in every day circulation people! – There was even a box of old nurti-system like food that I hate to throw away even though for the most part I won’t or can’t eat it anymore.  I said to myself as I went to bed the night before – if I’m home all day tomorrow – I’m taking this damn room back. 

The problem with our room is its greatest asset.  It’s pretty damn big, so just because it became the S.A.D., it in no way interrupted the flow of the room or even really stood out.  It was just a bin of wrapping paper in the corner – the bin was neat, but I don’t need or want to store wrapping paper in my bedroom, or a neat box of this or a cute basket of that.  It took most of the day because I was in champion procrastination mode – but… you can now see every gleaming flat surface, and play a pick up hockey game in the now empty space. 

Suddenly our room is huge.  Brad’s first response (after he picked himself back up) was… So do you want to bring the loveseat back in here?  Uh… no frickin way, we’re totally going to learn to play hockey.

After the pouch test...

So... it's been several days since the 5 day pouch test and I swear I have a different and better level of restriction now than I did before, it's very, very odd - and totally fascinating.  Starting on day 4 I felt much tighter, there was no way I could get 4oz of anything down at one sitting.  I was really spending extra time to pay great attention to what my body was telling me - but several days later... it's not just cuz I'm paying great attention - I really think my restriction level is different.  I am tighter, but not too tight.  I don't know if this is going to stick around or not - but it's flat fascinating that it really seems to have changed.  I totally wasn't expecting that at all, nor was it my purpose - purpose hell, it wasn't the remotest thought in my head.  Anyway - I'd do it again to remind myself that I can control what I do and the added restriction is a total bonus, we'll see how long it lasts.

Quote
And finally... a lovely quote that a friend of mine emailed me in one of those cheesy - you must pass this on things - I've never once forwarded one of those emails and I won't in the future should you feel so compelled to include me on your list - it will die with me.

But.. that said.  This quote was just so lovely, that I thought I would pass it along to all of you.  The email did not credit the author so I can't even tell you where it came from, but... enjoy and take it to heart!

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

ABCs - easy as...

Apparently I've decided to jump on the bandwagon and join in too.....

A) Age: 44
(B) Bed Size: King (sleep number - it's the best)
(C) Chore You Hate: folding and putting away laundry - and when I let my husband decide which chores I do - he always goes to laundry first
(D) Dogs? Love them - all except our current Jack Russel, Bandit - his other name is "please die soon"
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: toothbrush, Chai latte
(F) Favorite Color: Orange
(G) Gold or Silver? Both - it depends on my mood
(H) Height: 5' 2"
(I) Instruments You Play: I played the flute and piccolo through high school - I could probably still play Mary Had a Little Lamb on one...
(J) Job Title: Controller
(K) Kids: Two boys; 12 and 10 and today on a snow day they are being totally obnoxious lovely.
(L) Live: Why yes, yes I do
(M) Mom's Name: Alice (and her husband's name is Bill) like that play...
(N) Nicknames: Shadoof (it's a long drunken sorority kind of story)
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? tonsils, two C-sections, back surgery
(P) Pet Peeve: stupid people; could there be anything worse?  And spitting - I can't tell you how much I hate to see someone spit.
(Q) Quote from a Movie: I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right, though I can write mirror writing with my left.
(S) Siblings: Younger sister
(T) Time You Wake Up? During the week at 6 and on the weekends as late as possible.
(U) Underwear: Hipsters mostly - thongs with certain outfits
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: beets and I'm afraid to try brussell sprouts
(W) What Makes You Run Late: My husband though he'd swear on his life it's the other way around - I'll have the car packed and be ready to leave for vacation with the kids in the car and THEN he'll say, okay let me just go in and pack up my computer. (shaking head)
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: ankles a few times, back lots of times and lots of fun things before wls.
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: caramel filled brownies with chocolate and peanut butter chips, pumpkin bars (I totally stole the recipe from Paula Dean).
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Penguins and monkeys make me laugh, elephants leave me in awe, lions scare the shit out of me.

5 day pouch test....

I've been hanging out at this weight for far too long so I decided my mind needed a little reminder of what it needs to be doing, what it's capable of.  So I decided to do the 5 day pouch test from Wednesday through Sunday.  I really wasn't looking to lose a bunch of weight through the process, but more to remind myself I can do whatever I want.  I know it's a little thing, but it was five days where I followed the rules almost exactly and I learned some things along the way.... I'm going to give a bit of a daily commentary.

I followed the plan here.

Day 1 & 2: low-carb protein shakes, broth, clear or cream soups, sugar-free gelatin and pudding

On both days I drank my normal "breakfast" of a slightly sweet chai latte (which is a low cal, low carb version of regular chai latte).  Chai latte is pretty filling for me and on any given day I'm not hungry after drinking that until close to 11am.  So for these two days I also brought a 2nd "helping" (16oz) of it with me to work.  I also brought sugar free pudding, which I thought would be kind of "substantial" as far as "liquids" went.  

On day 1 it was easy and I remained satisfied, in fact I didn't even eat dinner because our fridge died and we had to run out and buy a new one - fun times - and by the time we got home,  I just wasn't all that hungry.  On day 2 I was a little more hungry and ate a couple containers of pudding, but it was still absolutely fine and I definitely could have done it again the next day.  I lost 2.8lbs after day 1 and 2lbs after day 2.

For the next three days I could eat as many times throughout the day as I wanted as long as I only spent 15 minutes eating and I didn't drink 1/2 hour before or after eating.  The not drinking before I eat was totally new to me, but the website says a dry pouch stays full longer.

Day 3: canned fish (tuna or salmon) eggs, fresh soft fish (tilapia, sole, orange roughy) and also cottage cheese.

The odd thing about day three was that I was really tight.  The chai latte (it said I could still do my caffeine so I did) and then later the 1st thing of cottage cheese was no problem, but then I had some tuna fish and after about 6 small, very well chewed bites I was really uncomfortable.  I ended up throwing up a little and remaining really uncomfortable for about 40 minutes or so.  I wasn't able to finish the 2nd little thing of cottage cheese (and I eat these just about every day normally) before I got really uncomfortable for about a half hour.  I ended up eating the rest of the tuna fish for dinner.  I did melt a little cheese on the top of it (which, okay, was cheating) because I was afraid of continuing to feel badly.  I lost 1.4lbs after day 3.

Day 4: ground meat (turkey, beef, chicken, lamb), shellfish, scallops, lobster, fresh salmon or halibut.

On day 4 I still did the chai latte in the morning and then I had 5 small meals; the first 3 were four steamed shrimp each and the last two were roughly 2 oz of totally yummy cedar plank salmon.  I stopped eating at the first sign of 'fullness' or discomfort.  I don't think I stayed full any longer than a non banded person who had just eaten four steamed shrimp would have. The salmon was cooked covered in salt, pepper, and potlatch - so very salty.  I did not get enough water in on day 4 because I kept getting hungry because I'd only eaten four shrimp - and I had to wait 1/2 from the last time I drank to eat again, so I'd stop drinking so I could get to eating sooner rather than later.  I was also really bored on this day - there was no crunch, no wildly different flavors or textures.  Both the shrimp and the salmon were really yummy, but man I wanted something different.  I even ended up having another 16oz of chai - I think just because I was bored.  I gained .8 lbs after day 4.

Day 5: white meat poultry, beef steak, pork, lamb, wild game

On day 5 I made it simpler on myself.  I just ate chicken.  Well, I started with the chai latte.  (and I cheated again with some bacon the boys didn't eat this morning).  And then just chicken.  I decided I could deal with whatever hunger or boredom I encountered for one more day.  I cooked a bunch herb/white wine marinated chicken breasts and cut it all up into bite sized bits and really couldn't eat more than 2-3oz at a time.  I have been very diligent about the water today - I drank at least 20oz between each little meal.  Today the hunger level was very different.  I had the first chicken - probably 2oz before I had to stop at about 1:15 and then ate about 3oz at 4ish.  And as I sit here writing this at nearly 8:00, it's been four hours and I'm doing fine.  I've had my 20oz of water (well more really) since I last ate.  I assume I'll get hungry again before bedtime - but we'll see.

So - the lessons learned were that I think that website has lots of really information and I haven't yet really explored it, but I fully intend to.  I think not drinking before I eat is really important and I've never done that before.  I think I need to stop eating as much chocolate as I have been.  I feel like I'm tighter than I thought I was - maybe.  I am still a little unsure what it meant to be really hungry on day 4 when I absolutely ate the most and consumed the most calories and least hungry day five when I did not.  So far I've had a chai latte for 162 calories, 2 pieces of bacon and 5 oz of chicken.  I don't know the calories off the top of my head for the bacon or the chicken but it can't be more than the 1,008 I had yesterday.  Odd.  Okay, there you have it.

A pity party and the man of steel... sort of.

I've got these two posts rumbling around in my brain - and one's about annoyance and having a little pity part and the other is about scary things like feeling vulnerable.  Which one do you think I chose today?

So... I'm totally annoyed.  I keep seeing people I haven't seen in a while and think someone will notice I've lost 40lbs AND I keep having these annoying conversations where people are talking about how they've recently lost weight and no one, okay almost no one - my husband, my best friend, my mother and my sister have all noticed.  Of course they know me best so they have a little handicap in that area and my husband and sister both know... so it's not actually no one.

I hate, hate, hate being the center of attention (unless I'm in complete control and using my antics to distract you from really seeing me - but that's a whole different thing - maybe part of the other post).  So really I don't like it when people comment or say things about my weight.  Part of the reason is then it is confirmed that they had previously noticed I was fat(er).  I'd just as soon we all pretend that's not true, okay?  But mostly it's because I just don't want to be the focus of the conversation - of the attention - of anything. 

But when I got near about 30 lbs down I did my best to become prepared for the inevitable comments that were to come at some point.  I know I won't like it, but it's human nature so I can suck it up and say thank you very much.. or yes, I've been watching what I eat and exercising more... yadda yadda yadda. 

But jesus h christ... nada... nothing... zip, zilch, and zero.  I feel like I'm sitting here ready, hanging on the edge of something, geared up for the appropriate reponse and it's never going to come. 

I'm sure it has something to do with losing as slowly as I am, but still.  I was at the copier yesterday with a coworker who has had this cronic problem with her knee and had to be on steriods for several years.  Several months ago they discovered this other medication that is working miraculously for her and she was able to stop using the steriods.  She was talking about what a relief it was that she didn't have to take them anymore and how she had lost 30 lbs since October because of it.  Can you believe it, 30 lbs!  It's amazing, I feel great.... Uh, yeah.  I can kind of imagine it since I've just lost FORTY you freaking moron.  And no, I've not said anything to her, but if I had been talking about my weight to her, I certainly would have commented on hers. 

Today, in the office, I'm wearing regular size pants and they fit great.  Several months ago I was wearing size 20W and they were tight.  Do I still have a long way to go, absolutely, but hello...

Then I was at a parent teacher conference (Draz totally gave me the push to go as I ususally let Brad handle them) yesterday and we went and talked to Teddy's 5th grade teacher from 2 years ago.  I'm probably 30lbs less than the last time she saw me, unless we've passed in the halls or something.  And she immediately starts talking about this great program she and many of the other staff are using at the school called gameon - there's even a website and you get points for eating well and exercising - She's lost 10lbs, she's walking 1 1/2 miles a day.  She feels great!    If I'm ever interested in something like that she highly recommends it. 

okay yeah, thanks.  I did 2 miles at 6 this morning, but I'll definitely keep it in mind.

I like both of these women very much.  Neither of them are snarky or bitchy in the least.  They both were just honestly talking about what's going on with them. 

I totally know I look different.  I'm going to have to post some before and now (I'm stealing that from Angela) pictures.  It's getting annoying people.  Okay, pity party officially over (for now).


On a totally different topic.  I'm getting ready for work this morning and into the bathroom walks my husband.  Wearing only underwear, this is not new.  Superman underwear - this... this is new.  OMG I laughed so hard.  I got a hold of myself and started to put on my makeup only to turn around to ask him a question and then lost it all over again.  They are deep superman blue with a bright red waistband.  I posted a picture back in December when he bought them.  I had tears streaming down my face.  He left the room and came back in wearing plain, ordinary underwear. 

Why did you change? I asked him.  Because you were laughing at me.  Okay now I felt badly.  But honey, funny's not bad, it's just funny.  The last time I saw someone wearing superman underwear, I'm pretty sure Jackson was about four.  Okay, he said feeling a little better.  Geesh!

Weigh in

Today was 193 which is down 1 lb from last week and down 42 in total.

One hot mess

So I'm loving my new hair cut, but it changes every day.  Some days it's cute and somewhat tame, curving there behind my ears - and other days, like today, it's just one hot mess.  Still fun though...  And what do you think of my orange nail polish.  OPI calls it Conga-Line Coral but it's totally orange and I love it.

Dirty men and smooth lady towns????

I spent some time on the treadmill this morning and was in a fantastic mood.  I came upstairs to find Brad still dripping from his shower.  We shared some easy conversation as I prepared for my own shower.  He was gone getting Teddy ready for the bus before I got in.

I get in there and first find I need to move stuff around as people have pushed all the tubes and bottles, no matter to whom they belong, into one big messy pile – seriously folks.  See both boys use our shower instead of their own – it’s just not on my current list of battles to fight – so there’s a lot of shit in there.  But okay, no biggie, I get things organized – which really means all my shit on the right and organized and everyone else’s shit on the left.  I smile as I see my hair removal cream (which I learned about from Jen) which until recently had been kept in the back on the left, but I’ve turned over a new leaf – as I like my husband again – I’m thinking I’ll continue to remove the hair that he doesn’t like getting stuck in his mouth.  Okay. Phew.  Done.

Now I’m minding my own business, singing the hell out of Steel Magnolia which is an entirely different story while getting myself all nice and clean.  I always start with my hair, do you?  So hair done I reach for the soap.  Um.  Where’s the soap?  Brad was just in here it’s got to be around here somewhere.  No doubt the piece was getting small, but there should still be a plenty big enough piece for me to use.  I promise I’ll put a new one in when I’m done – God knows no one but me would remember to do that, right?  And sure, there are bath gels and smelly things in there that I could use, but I’m looking for my freakin’ Dove.  Where the hell is it?

There’s no fucking soap in the shower.  My mood is now suffering, okay really it wasn’t – I was just confused and amazed at how someone could use the rest of the soap and not replace it.  There’s a linen closet with plenty of soap in it roughly two feet from the shower – and that’s only because the door opens into the shower, so you have to go all the way to the other side of the door, otherwise you could seriously reach right into the closet from the shower if you were so inclined.  And I guess that would get everything inside all wet and that’s why the door opens the way it does – but I digress.

So I hop out of the shower, dripping all over the damn place and get a new bar of soap and start the song “Not Tonight” over and finish the shower – all done.

I totally forgot about the soap thing until I got to work and what follows is my actual IM conversation with my husband….

Me: hi

Him: hey

Me: Did you shower this morning?

Him: yes

Me: Before me?

Him: yes

Me: Did you happen to notice there was no soap?

Him: no.  I use a lot of shampoo

Me: you don't use soap?

Him: not every day

Me: you use shampoo to clean yourself with?  OMG (I'm shaking my head)

Him: I also forget to wash my hair some days, while standing in the shower

Me: OMG, who the hell are you?

Him: I am odd

Me: yes

Him: that last one does not happen a lot

Me: well that's something

I’m totally rethinking the hair removal thing.

The Treadmill Progression - and a couple other things

This decade sucks
So - I've been hanging out in the 190s for three months now.  I'm tired of being here.  I've toured all I can tour.  I go up, I go down - but always within this little range.  I'm bored now.  Let's move on, shall we?

BOOBs II
I'm so freaking excited I can't stand myself.  I am looking forward to meeting each and every one of you!  Anyone for a cocktail????  I'm ready!!

The Treadmill Progression
I'm working my way back up the exercise mountain.  I don't know about any of you, but I can tell how I'm doing by how I pass the time while on the treadmill.  Stage one: Reading a book- while in this stage I can read a book.  It's not the easist thing in the world to read, but I can do it and I totally get caught up and all of a sudden it's 30 or 40 minutes in.  I am walking at a brisk pace, but it's not really taxing me yet - but my body and mind are getting used to the time and effort and routine - I've passed this stage and moved onto the next. 

Stage two: Good drama.  I can't read anymore, though I still really want to - so sometimes I'll still try and end up getting seasick.  Can you get treadmill sick?  In this stage I watch an hour long drama that I like.  I used to be able to FF through the commercials and I'd end up with a 45 min workout by the time the credits rolled.  But we just switched to Fios and if I'm watching "on demand" which is cool to be able to do, I can't FF, but the commercials are shorter - so it ends up at about 50 min.  Right now, I'm catching up on Castle and will then likely move on to Bones.  This is the stage I'm on now.  I'm still walking, but at a fast pace, and I'm sweating and I'm thinking about adding in intervals of running, though I'm not ready for that yet.

Stage 3 - bad drama.  The time committment is the same, though sometimes I'll add to it - but I am putting forth too much effort to really catch every nuance in a drama that I really enjoy; you know, the byplay between Castle and Becket - a raised eyebrow, a stare - that kind of thing.  So I switch to dramas that I don't like as much.  Where I don't have to pay constant attention to still get the drift of what's going on.  I'm almost here, so I'll be switching to Haiwaii 5-0 soon or maybe CSI - they both fill this niche for me.

Stage 4 - Realty TV.  I'm doing intervals of running and I'm sweating like a pig and barely hanging on to life as I know it - but it feels amazing.  There's no way I can concentrate on a drama.  I'll miss whole segments and then I'm lost and annoyed.  So I switch to Reality TV.  I love American Idle, Project Runway, and So You Think You Can Dance so between those and all the many, many other choices that just don't take any brain power - I'm totally set for this place.

It was really nice when I moved to the "Dramas I like" stage.  It reminded me in this concrete way - this is a journey - I'll get there; both to stage 4 and also out of this frickin' decade.

Betty's Command Center-Stage 1

So... On my list of intentions for 2011 I said I wanted to let Betty, my inner neat freak, out of her cage.  Well good grief it's time already!  Geesh!  I'm such a freaking perfectionist.  I've been planning and thinking and planning some more on just what I should do first?  How should I get the kids involved?  How do I make this as painless for all of us as possible?  I sought advice from seriously organized humans - our own Drazil among them.  Finally I decided if left to my own devices I would plan for it for the whole year without doing a god damn thing.  So... I (and this is big for me) decided to just do it.

I decided to just start with something knowing it may very well - in all probability will - change in form and function along the way.  But - stage 1 was to get a central place up and functional where some key things for our family are posted.  A calendar, a list of chores for my far-too-spoiled kids, and a whiteboard for those staples we need at the store (I totally stole this from Drazil).  Have I mentioned recently, Draz is 'da bomb?  And, since I feel fairly confident this will change, I decided to not go all out and create the world's cutest yet most functional thing ever seen (I was really contemplating whether painted or stained wood would be best for the box I was going to build.... and other stupid things of that nature.)

Without further ado - here is stage 1 of Betty's Command Center.

The little red paper has a list of chores that alternate between weeks; A-week and B-week so the boys trade chores each week - this is going to be such a pain in the ass getting Teddy on board with this.  He says he's ready, but man, he's the laziest thing - it's a good thing he's cute.

I was worried about where I'd put such a thing because there are very few walls in my kitchen, well really on the first floor, but then I thought... d'oh.  What about the little hallway-ish between the kitchen and the rest of the floor - it's sort of partly in the kitchen and it's totally a wall AND!!! you see it when you walk in the house through the garage which is how we walk in.

This is from the mudroom (between garage and kitchen).  Why it never occurred to me to use this wall before I have no idea.  I think Teddy is playing on Facebook, I can't believe I have a kid old enough to have a facebook account.

The boys immediately LOVED the idea of having somewhere to write what we they needed wanted at the store.  As you can see, my boys are extremely health conscious.  The 1st four and last items are from Ted (I wonder if he's looking for sausage flavored gushers) and the middle three are from Jack (Marshmellow Fluff!!!!!  - Jack comes by his inability to spell and his love for exclamation points honestly).

And really, just because he was there - here's Teddy wondering if this whole Betty thing is really a sign that I've finally completely lost my mind.  Because first I've created an alternate identity for myself which I've totally named, and now I'm taking pictures of it to show to people.  Seriously, he's worried.

As I was trying to get a picture of him I liked, my phone's flash went off on one of them and I thought it did a decent job of showing how wildly green this boys eyes are and thought I'd share.  One day he's gonna be a killer - I pray he stays total nerd boy for as long as possible!!!

And last but not least...

If you look closely behind Teddy's head in that first picture of him you can see the kitchen Christmas tree box and tree.  Which is because the tree WAS STILL UP,  standing in the corner.  Yes, I know it's February.  (I swear it's down now.  If the box is now in the living room instead of the garage - well that's just a little detail, right?)

Oh and there was a message on our answering machine last night when we got home.  It was from Ricky, my mother-in-law.  She was trying to get a phone number in Virginia.  Somewhere between the dialing and the bringing the phone to her ear, she forgot she dialed the 11 digits of our number in MD and thought she dialed 411.  And I guess her son's voice on the recorded message did not dissuade her from that belief.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

I got my hair chopped!

What I got cut off was a touch too short to donate and I wasn't brave enough to go even shorter in one fell swoop - but... what do you think?  I love it - I feel sort of... free or something.

B.Y.O.C. - Bring Your Own Crazy!!!

BYOC Friday….5 little questions you can copy and paste into your blog to get to know each other better and to give your blogging brain a break!


Enjoy!

1. What day of the week do you love and what day of the week do you hate?

Love - Saturday's are the best.  My 10 year old is up at 6 every single day, but he's extremely self sufficient so he gets up and watches TV or plays a video game or whatever and when he gets hungry he fixes himself breakfast and lets Brad and I sleep.  The 12 year old is not even a little bit self sufficient but will easily get trapped by the TV and totally forget he has a stomach - or as he gets closer to his teenage years, he might just sleep right on through the morning.  Sunday's are pretty good too - Brad and I have a long standing tradition of trading off Saturdays and Sundays so that one of us can sleep in as late as we want on at least one day each weekend.  This doesn't always work as our kids play year round sports so sometimes they have early weekend games which totally pisses me off!!

Hate: hmmmm.  I'm not sure I hate any days.  Maybe Tuesdays - it's still right there at the very beginning of the work week with most of the week left to go.  Monday's aren't that bad because there's a newness to it. 



2. What is your middle name and is there a meaning behind it?

My middle name is Read; pronounced 'reed'.  There is no meaning behind it, but the story of where it came from tells you something about my parents.... I'm not sure what exactly, but it's definitely something.  So - growing up there were two stories as to where my middle name came from.

Story A (the most commonly shared story) - At the time of my birth, my mom had brown hair and my dad had blond hair so they thought blending those two colors together I might have red hair and figured they might want to call me red.  As you know read can be pronounce 'reed' or 'red' - as in "Tomorrow I will read a book" or "Yesterday, I read a book".  They liked how 'reed' sounded with my first and last name better than how 'red' sounded so they went ahead and spelled it Read so they had the option just in case I didn't have red hair.

Story B (told only once by my father while he was drunk (I think)) - "We bought all her baby supplies at Read's (pronounced 'reed') Drug Store down on Main Street and needed a middle name for her.  It sounded pretty good with the rest of the name so we went with it."

My mother vehemently denied story B.

So there I am on my merry little way towards growing up wonderfuly thankful that I didn't have red hair so that my insane parents hadn't had reason to call me red and I end up in Mr. Moonyham's 7th grade science class.  At some point during the year we did a basic lesson on DNA and how traits are passed from one generation to another and it was here that I learned the impossibility of me having red hair just because my mom had brown and my dad had blond.  Man, what tools they were!!  Totally stupid!  I can't believe they thought it worked that way!  But wait!!!  Stop the presses!!  While it's true that my dad is a lawyer, his undergrad degree was in zoology.  And my 12 year old brain was plenty smart enough to know my dad had to understand how traits were passed down WAAAAAAY better than I had just learned in Mr. Moonyham's 7th grade science class.  I had been had!

 I marched home and confronted my mother with this new found knowledge - you've been lying to me my whole life!!!  It's not the hair thing is it?  It was totally because of Read's Drug Store wasn't it???  Um... well... shit.  Yes, yes it was.  And it does sound really good with your first and last name.

Read's Drug Store was in fact a lovely little store right on Main Street in downtown Annapolis (where I grew up) for many, many years though sadly it's been gone for decades.  And ammusing to me - I now do have red hair which Brad totally pestered me into trying many years ago.  I've got green eyes and he always thought I'd look good with red hair.  Finally I gave in and tried it and I've been red ever since. - I love it.



3. Since I’m dreaming of my next tattoo, I’m going to ask this one. Do you have any tattoos? How many? If you don’t have one – what would you get if you did have one?

I have one on my upper right thigh.  It's completely hidden in just about anything I wear, but it's plenty low enough that I can easily share it with whomever I want to without flashing them.  It's a couple of small yellow flowers and it desperately needs a little bee flying around them.  I've always had a thing for bees and wanted to add a bee to it even when I got it, but I was too poor back then.  It's completely on my list to add the bee one of these days, but every single time I have been somewhere - like on vacation or something and I think of it - the local parlor has been closed.  Perhaps I'll get it in Chicago at BOOBs II.  In fact as I'm typing that, I'm thinking that's a fantastic idea.  I've got plenty of time to research a good place and find the perfect bee before then. hmmmmm.  So.. anyone from the Chicago area who wants to suggest a good parlor - I'm all ears.

And just for the hell of it... a bit of my insanity.  So, I always always always wanted a tattoo.  And when I was in high school I seriously contemplated getting one (I didn't need to be 18 back then) but talked myself out of it as I am a seriously practical person and I thought - hey wait, I'm really young - what if I get this permanent thing and then in a few years I decide it was stupid that I got one and regret it.  I hate regrets.  So I made myself wait until I turned 18.  Then I got to be 18 and I still desperately wanted one, but I talked myself out of it again for the same exact reason - what if I regret it in the future... wait until you're 21.  At 21 I talked myself into waiting till I was 25.  By then I was dating Brad and just didn't get around to it.  We got married in April just before I turned 27 in May.  Within the month of getting married I or maybe it was Brad finally said enough is enough, go get the damn tattoo.  So I did and I got it where I could see it but no one else could (unless I so chose) because I got it for me and my own personal enjoyment - just a little happy thing on my leg.  But as soon as it gets warm and I'm wearing shorts - if you're hanging out with me, I am known to say - HEY LOOK!!! (as I lift up the leg to my shorts) IT'S TATTOO WEATHER! YAY!!!

4. On that same theme of dirty little secrets…how many piercings do you have? Any you wish you had?

You'll be relieved to know, I have no silly little anecdotes for this one.  Though the answer is... I guess I'm not sure.  I have gotten a total of 5 holes in my ears, 3 on one side and 2 on the other, but it's been so long since I put earings in anything but the bottom holes I would assume the other 3 are closed up.  So somewhere between 2 and 5 is the answer.  I have no desire to get any others especially not in my ta tas. 

5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blog land and in real life.

Blogland - I'm totally excited about BOOBs II.  I love Chicago and I love all of you - what could be better!!  And now a BOOBs bee tattoo - totally fun!!

Real life - I've got nothing exciting to report here.  Brad's in Dallas being a geek at a Comic book retailers show.  He's a big comic book guy and runs the Baltimore Comic Book Convention along with a Retailer friend of his.  So they're down there soliciting sponsors for the awards ceremony and generally geeking it up.  To those BOOB committee members.  I have some experience helping put on a conference as I work with Brad and Marc each year, I'm happy to help.  We've had 2 weeks in a row of relatively low stress between us which is such a relief I can't tell you.  I don't think we've solved anything yet, but we don't hate coming home anymore and that's a very big thing.

Weigh in day

It's a Christmas miracle.  As I whined mentioned before, on Tuesday of this week I weighed 199.8 which came as a scary slap in the face and I've been on the straight and narrow ever since and...

Today I weighed 194.0 which is .2 down from 2 weeks ago (I forgot to weigh in last week) and 41 down in total.  I'm still not moving my ticker up.  I just don't wanna!

Help! I'm still clueless....

Thank you all so much for helping my clueless self out - but I clearly need remedial training!!!

I'm not sure I even knew the dashboard existed, though it is ringing some distant bell... but that's a whole different story.

I've now gone to the dashboard and it mostly looks like google reader.  It seems to show the most recently updated posts first, and it has an alphabetical listing of all the blogs on the left - this is a great place becuase I know I've followed a few blogs but then forgotten to add them to my roll and until I trip over that blog again I'm out of luck. 

But it only shows the first paragraph or so of each post before it moves onto the next post and in order to read the rest of the post it seems I have to click the title of the post which then opens up the whole blog in a different window - just as if I'd clicked it from my blog roll.  I'm hoping to avoid actually going to the colorful blogs (or at least have that option when I'm not doing what I should be doing at work).  Am I missing how to use the Dashboard most effectively - or does it in fact just open the entire blog in order to be able to read the rest of the post.

Thanks for your continued support of this dense little girl.

A question for my friendly neighborhood bloggers...

How do you read the blogs you follow?

Seriously - I'm trying to figure out the best way.  I do my best to add a blog I'm following to my blog roll on the side of my blog and then I sit down and click from one to the other.  Of course that's hard to do at work as we all have such beautiful and colorful blogs and they... well draw attention to the fact that I'm hanging out with you guys instead of working.  And while they say - attention is good... who needs that kind of attention.

I've heard people talk about using Google Reader.  As it happens - I'm stupid.  It always totally annoys me when I discover this fact.  But I open Reader and first of all there are roughly 4 million blog posts (if I'm reading it correctly and you ignore the exaggeration).  I'm immediately overwhelmed of course.  But seriously, I can't figure out how it works.  I mean I get that it lists 1 blog at a time and has all the unread posts listed.  But... I can't figure out in what order these blogs are listed - though I'm thinking it must be alphabetical since I seem to remember Joey's being very near the top, but I'm not sure.

See what happens is - I open up reader and I stare at it in the little half window I have opened up on my desk top at work (so I'm only seeing half of the screen) and I click on this or that and and get all confused because I can't figure out how to find a blog I might be looking for without reading the first 3,999,999 other posts first then I quickly close reader for fear that my head might explode.  I take a few deep breaths.  I wish I had some whiskey nearby for a quick shot.  Then I think about how I wish I didn't have that unfortunate evening in highschool where I lost both any hope for ever being able to drink whiskey again and my virginity - because even if I did have the whiskey I coudln't drink it.  I do so love the idea of downing a shot of it now and again to calm frayed nerves... But I digress.

So, my friends... What method do you use to keep up?  And do your methods also make you think back to too much whiskey and the nakedness that ensued? 

The wake-up call

Why do we need them?  I don’t know about the rest of you, but it sort of pisses me off that I do.  I’ve been struggling for a couple of weeks now.  It all goes back to this new fill.  I have ½ cc more in me now than I did before, and in some respects I am tighter.  I definitely have a harder time eating in the morning.  But for the most part, it’s opened the world of food back up for me.  I hadn’t eaten any pasta, bread, or rice since surgery because that was a rule my doctor gave me; none of that for six months.  He says that those three things more than most others expand and that’s not a good idea while still getting used to your little stoma.  When the six month mark came, I had enough restriction that I was still afraid to try eating it. 

Then I got this fill and well slowly but surely I’ve been able to eat…. Anything.  Nothing is off limits.  And if I eat slowly enough, sometimes I can eat way more than I should be able to with no issues whatsoever.  Of course on other days I can’t get past bite two before I’m done, but that’s just the fickle nature of the band I think. 

I didn’t really eat a lot of pasta, bread, and rice before the surgery – it’s just not my thing.  But as I’ve been able to eat – really just capable – I’ve been seemingly experimenting non stop.  We just celebrated Christmas with my dad and step mom this weekend (yes, I know it’s February) and we ordered some pizza for the kids and some chicken pasta pesto for the grownups.  I fully expected to eat a few bites of the chicken and call it a day.  I wasn’t at all worried about it.  I knew Dad and Pat wouldn’t notice how little I was eating and if they did, an easy comment or even lie would placate them.

But then I had trouble telling the pieces of chicken and the penne apart – it was all the same sauce color and the same size-ish – and I had a few bites of pasta.  And guess what?  My stoma didn’t explode.  In fact, it went down with no problem at all.  When I had the chicken which was totally dry, that was a little dicey, but the pasta – no problem whatsoever.  So, of course I had more pasta.  Then, Brad and I took the left over pasta home with us – added more sauce because it was a little dry and I had more of it all weekend long.  Hell, I hadn’t had a bite of pasta in more than seven months – this was totally cool to me.

I had forgotten to do my weigh in on Friday, but had weighed myself last Wednesday which marked seven months since surgery and I was back in the right direction at 192.8.  Then the experimentation hit full swing.  OMG.  I can eat pasta.  That probably means I can eat sushi too – though I haven’t tried that one, maybe even ½ a sandwich.  Okay – really I have to back up.  I learned about the pasta over the weekend…. But the pizza.  I swear to god – honest to goodness pizza – that was on Thursday or Friday. 

Brad was away and there was a fundraising night for Jack’s school at a local pizza place.  I carefully reviewed their menu online from work and ordered a salad for me and some pizza for the boys.  Weeeellllll… I ate my salad – which I think must be a super band expanding food for me – and decided to take a bite of the pizza (which I also hadn’t had any of in seven months) and guess what.  I had no problem with it at all.  None.  I ended up eating 2 ½ pieces of pizza – and not any mamsy pamsy thin crust either – without even the tiniest comment from my band. (and of course this was after I ate the entire salad which I thought I’d only be eating a little bit of).  Holy shit, I had a whole salad and 2.5 pieces of pizza for dinner.  Are you kidding me?  How is that even possible?

Then we went onto the weekend where I had pasta – drenched in a creamy pesto sauce I might add.  Anyway – to the wakeup call.  Oh wait.  Have I been working out?  um… nope.  I even took Drazil’s challenge to workout the remaining – oh 6 or so days of January… I failed the first day.  I’d love to say it was all because I hurt my shoulder, but that would be a big fat lie.  There were probably a couple days in there where even the treadmill would have hurt my arm, but for the most part it was shear laziness.  I hate being lazy.

So to the wake-up call.  I have always weighed myself on Monday mornings – for many, many years.  Only since the band have I started making Friday’s my official weigh in day – but I still dutifully record my weight every Monday morning – of course it’s on a spreadsheet that goes back for years.  Well, my friends, I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t make myself get on the scale on Monday morning.  I was too afraid of what the number might be.  Did you see what I ate?  Can you imagine?  But on Tuesday I had to do it.  I was afraid of continuing to not get on the scale – fearing that would start a big huge unstoppable slide back to where I started or worse.  (The other thing not getting on the scale is a sign of for me - is running away - like I do with blogging I think too - sometimes I only blog about the good stuff (band wise) and I really think that's unhealthy for me.  I need to just get it all out there - the good and the bad.  I just don't want to hide anymore.)

I got on the scale on Tuesday morning totally fearing I’d see a number that started with a 2 again.  And I did – but only for a second while it settled on its final number of HOLY SHIT 199.8.  OMG.  Seriously OMG.  So, I decided drastic measures were called for – something to whack my system back to where it needed to be.  I did liquids yesterday – I had plenty of protein – just all in liquid form.  Today I’m back to my normal if boring mostly protein food that I eat during the week.  I exercised yesterday and this morning.  I think the call (or weight, as it may be) woke me up sufficiently.  I don’t want to go back there.  Apparently it’s pretty easy to do – band or not.  Usually this current fill level doesn’t let me eat much – the pizza night was a total anomaly – but it does let me eat whatever the hell I want.  This is a good thing.  But it’s a very scary thing too.  We’ll see how it goes. 

I've been de-followed

There were 106 and now there are 105.  Someone doesn't like me anymore.  It's very, very sad.  I thought we had a good thing going.  There was laughter and frivolity.  I thought I meant more than that.  I thought I was important.  I thought we had a future.

You know, it's hard.  It's hard when you love someone and they don't love you back.  It's hard when you try to be the best you can be and find out... sometimes it's just not good enough.  Sometimes what you are, who you are, what you have to offer - just aren't what the other person wanted or needed.

I know after some time has passed I'll be better able to put this in perspective, but right now.... it's just really hard.  I want what we had before.  When it was going well.  When we were stronger.  There was laughter.  There were smiles.  There was a real connection.... or maybe that was just me.  I thought we had a real connection.  Maybe that's what this all boils down to - I need to get a better handle on what 'connection' means.  I guess it means more to me than it did to them.

I know I'll survive this hit.  It's just going to take some time.  Sniff sniff.

potent quotables from the boys

Loopy: a practical definition
I mysteriously hurt my shoulder.  No idea what the hell I did with it, I can't even point to playing with the toys in my bedside table - though that would have been a funny story.  Anyway, Brad was out of town and I was in a lot of pain.  After work I had to get Jack and get him to basketball practice which was fine, except his anxiety issues make it impossible for me to leave the room and I couldn't find a comfortable position in which to hold my arm and whine whine whine - I hurt.  (and this is so not the point of this story, I swear).  So we finally get home and I rush upstairs and take a percocet that my PCP had prescribed for me for my 2 out of every 3 months of bone crunching period pain.

This was the first percocet I'd taken in many, many years.  I have left over pain meds from various surgeries and whatnot over the years that I've been taking on my own for that pain - which I would have said were mostly percocet which is why I requested it, but as it happens none of them were percocet.  So I was completely unprepared for just how totally stoned percocet made me on an empty stomach.  I was flying... dude. woooooweeeeee.  It brought me back to a time when life was simpler and we all had a perpetual case of the munchies - but again, I digress.

So, I'm in the kitchen stoned out of my mind trying to make dinner while lecturing myself about not killing myself in front of the kids.  'That's an open flame on the stove, Read.  Be very careful around it.'  And then there was the giggling.  Okay so really, here's the point.  A super long lead up to a little tiny funny, but still...

I sit the boys down to have a little conversation;

Me: Boys, I took some medicine for my shoulder and it's made me really dizzy and a little loopy, so I really need your help tonight.
Jack (4th grade): Loopy?  What does that mean?
Ted (7th grade): It means if you need help with your homework you should ask me.

I just put my head down and laughed at that one.  I was pretty sure even in my stoned state that I didn't like that my 7th grader knew exactly what I was trying to get across.

Slapping while wet
Jack and his best friend Jake are running around with their faces painted for the Superbowl (I'm embarrassed to say that Jack likes the hated Steelers because he's an ornery sort, but Jake a very sensible child, desperately wants whoever is playing the Steelers to win so he'd become an instant Packer Backer.)  Jake even brought a make shift Packer Backer Towel to counter Jackson's "terrible towel".  Of course this leads to them snapping these towels at each other and lots of other fun and frivolity.

This conversation may not be funny to some or even all of you, but I swear to God I about fell over laughing when I heard it because I know just how true it is.  (as a disclaimer - Jackson did not get his information from anything either of his parents have ever done or said to him or in front of him)

'Whip'
Jake: Ow!

Jackson: Too bad your leg's not damp.

Jake (Mr. Analytical): Why?

Jackson: It hurts way more if you get your body wet first.

They did go on to get into a long discussion about snapping towels at the pool before and after you've been swimming, but still - I found that hilarious that my son was up on the finer points of pain through towel snap or other type of slaps as the conversation went on to include.

B.Y.O.C.!!!

It’s Friday!!!!!!!
It’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy. Five little questions that you can copy and paste into your blog in an effort to get to know each other better and to give your brain a blog topic break!

Enjoy!

1. What piece of clothing can you absolutely not live without?

All things mushy; sweats, pajamas (the warm and mushy kind), tee-shirts, furry crocs.  Life is pretty good if I'm in something warm and mushy.  (and I'm not even being dirty!)

2. If you could go back in time for just 24 hours, where would you go and why?

This is really hard.  I totally published this before I answered this one - oops.  Okay, after giving this more thought the only thing I could come up with was I'd love to go back and repeat a day (that I can't specifically identify as there are many of them) where I was totally and completely connected with Brad.  Where we laughed and played and made love and just hung out and had fun no matter what we were doing at the moment.  (and typing this just made me a little weepy)

3. If you could change one feature of your looks, what would it be and why?

This one is easy - I'd have my boobs moved back to where they belong.  I've never, never, never had pert and perky boobs.  AND any time I've ever lost weight I don't lose and ounce from my boobs, but when I have then gained it back, my boobs get bigger.... and saggier.  I swear to God, "Bra Magic" is a beautiful thing and without it I'd look at least 50 years older than I am.  The upside (pun) is that when I get somewhere near my goal weight and I feel comfortable that I'm going to be able to stick around there, I'm totally making an appointment to make it happen!!!  It's been on my list for quite a while now, but I've always maintained that I needed to lose the weight and maintain it for a year before I make the appointment.  I don't think I'll wait the year now, but I will definitely wait until I'm there.

4. What things do you enjoy or only do when you’re alone? (All you perverts out there….try to resist the obvious answer here)

First of all, I crack open my drawer of toys....  Okay, just kidding.

When I'm alone, I turn the music way, way up.  I'll usually walk around from room to room changing the radio station so I can have the same music playing in just about every room in the house.  And then I get stuff done that's hard to do with my three boys underfoot.  The first thing I do - once the music is set - is clean.  I hate clutter so when there's no one there to screw it up, I put everything where it belongs and then I usually work on a project of some sort.  Maybe I'm fixing something, or maybe I'll organize one of the kid's rooms or purge stuff from my closet.  I'm usually very productive, though occassionally I'll just be a lump and pull out a good book and never once get out of bed (toys or not).


5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in real life and in blogland this week.

In blogland - Barbara's loss is still so very present in everyone's minds and I think it's there under just about every post.  This community that exists here is a wonderous and powerful thing.  Drazil meantioned the sip and gulp challenge and I totally need to know what that is, so if anyone can enlighten me, please do.

In real life - This has been a good week.  Brad and I had a long and really hard conversation last weekend.  There was fear, there were tears, but the tension is gone.  The issues aren't but for the first time in a long time I'm feeling really hopeful about it.  I feel like it might just be safe to look forward again and that's just an amazing and freeing feeling.  I don't think I realized how stuck in the present I'd become until I wasn't anymore. - The world feels open again.

Sex positions as exercise.....

My friend's husband decided to go online to find a sexual position they had never tried in an effort for a little added fun for the night.  She and I were IMing at the time and she figured he was going to get himself all worked up then he'd pull her  to their room where they'd have sex in a position they were very familiar with.... She was perfectly happy with whatever position(s) they ended up in.

Lo and behold he found one......

It's called The Pair of Tongs.

My first reaction was, and I quote, "Why?  Seriously, why?"  But then... I thought about it.  Have sex and tone your arms at the same time.  You'd have to flip over to the other arm half way through, but clearly it can be done.  Since you're already in that position you could (and seriously I mean you, cuz there's no way in hell I could manage this) also do some one armed, sideways push ups.  Seriously, think of the marketing.  I bet Joey could come up with a hell of a campaign around this new exercise regiment.  Feel the burn then feel the spasms.  See, I'm no good at this.  I'll do the books for the millions we'll rake in, but someone else is going to have to come up with the right angle.  (all puns intended)

Holy Cow! How did this happen?

I have 105 followers.  You have got to be kidding me.  I have no idea how I missed this number jumping up like this, but holy shit!  I can't tell you how thrilled and shocked and amazed I am that there are people out there who chose to follow me. 

Thank you so much for your continued support and entertainment!!!

Wanted: band help - BEWARE TMI ahead! - (Draz - don't read this)

So, all day I've had to go to the bathroom; you know, #2.  But it just wasn't happening for me.  I was pregnant twice and am afraid of hemorrhoids, so I know not to force the issue.  Finally as I'm driving home things seem to be moving a bit and I think that after I pick Jack up, I may finally get rid of this "good god will this shit please leave my body" feeling.  I get the kids settled and head upstairs for a little private time.

Well that was nearly a bust.  It's right there, it wants to leave my body and I know it's going to hurt on the way out, but please please please I'm ready for it to leave.  But no, nothing to speak of happens.  I sat there longer than I would normally have, because I really want this to be over, but again, I'm afraid of certain things so I didn't press the issue if you get my drift.

I give up.  I head back downstairs to make dinner for the kids (Brad's away).  And my band starts hurting.  Well it started making itself known while I was sitting upstairs.  But as I'm walking around making pasta it hurts more and more.  (and just an aside - as my friend Camille felt compelled to point out - yes I fully understand that my band has no nerve endings and what I'm really talking about is the upper part of my stomach that the band surrounds - I call this area my band for simplicity sake.  I believe I've mentioned before that I can feel my band every morning.  Just a little achiness in that very specific region, as if I slept on a muscle wrong.  But after moving around for a bit it goes away and I can't feel it at all).

Anyway, as I am moving and walking around it keeps hurting more and more until I'm having to put pressure on that area (sort of like you would a cramp, though it didn't feel like a cramp).  But I'm almost bent over because the pain is getting severe enough and I'm thinking - shit did my band slip?

I was telling my friend, Camille, about it (she has a band too and this is a different Camille than our friend in TX) and she suggested taking some Maalox which I totally didn't think would help as it wasn't a 'my stomach hurts' kind of pain.  It was more 'I have a pulled muscle' or a 'small puncture wound'  kind of pain - but I figured it couldn't hurt.

I took it and after a while my band started to feel a little better.  I have no idea if it's related to the Maalox or if it just needed some time or what the hell that was.  Now it's back to the achy feeling I get in the mornings - so I'm much less freaked out now.

Edited to add: - I was wrong it's really not feeling better if I am not standing still as I was while typing this post.  As soon as I started walking around again, I had to put pressure on my band again.

But - do any of you have any idea what the hell that was??

Thanks!

A new and interesting and a little frightening band place

So for the past week or so, I’ve been having myself a little eating frenzy.  I’m in this new band place.  It might even be the perfect band place – but it has really… hmmm, I don’t know exactly what… made me curious maybe?  Made me test it out?  I’m not sure, but I think I’ve eaten more chocolate in the last week or so than in all of 2010.

I read on someone’s blog (maybe Jen’s) about how their NP told them it’s not a good idea to take it all out then put it all back in (dirty hehehe) because the liquid will settle differently – well I’m up a net .5 cc – but that was after 1.5cc went in and then .5cc came out 15 min later and another .5cc came out a week later.  So now my restriction is totally and completely different.  Not tighter necessarily – but definitely different.  And it’s different in a wonderful and scary way. Before the whole fill-unfill-unfill thing at certain times of the month I was super tight and during those times or first thing in the morning or if I totally forgot and ate too fast – I could get into a situation where I’d throw up – and sometimes it would be kind of bad.  But for the most part things were fine and I wasn’t having many issues at all.  I was however still able to eat a lot of food at one time and I was getting hungry quicker than I thought I should, which led me to believe a tiny fill might be in order, but wasn’t necessary. 

When I was in my intermediate fill place which was .5 cc more than I ended up with, I really couldn’t eat any solid food.  I almost couldn’t drink water before noonish.  Anytime I did eat it would lead to some up close and personal time with the porcelain god.  It took a LONG time to consume anything at all.  The interesting part was my hunger.  It wasn’t that it was less.  It was non existent.  I lost all interest in food.  Poof.  It was just gone.  I’m not sure whether how hard it was to eat played a role in that or if it was just that special little nerve being gently massaged or both – but when I did eat or drink it was completely because I know it's important to consume a certain amount of liquid and calories and vitamins in a period of time – it was never, not once, because my body told me to eat or drink.  That part was downright odd.

But now – after the second little unfill – I’m not hungry all that much, but food is definitely on my mind.  I’m definitely interested in food again – wanting to taste things, wanting to chew things.  AND I don’t feel as physically tight as I did before the whole thing started.  I don’t think I could eat a lot in the morning, but I can definitely eat more now than before.  Before, drinking a chai latte in the morning was absolutely possible, but I could feel every bit of it going down and I had to be somewhat careful about it.  Now, I’m sure I couldn’t gulp it down, but I can’t feel it going down the way I could before.

I was thinking for a while there that maybe my doctor, who I don’t trust, took out more than he said, but here’s the difference – I can not consume much food.  At.  All.  The more solid it is, the smaller my portion has to be.  The sensation is completely different now though.  My body is giving me cues like my shoulder will hurt, or I’ll just feel a little pressure or something.  But this new place in no way keeps me from eating – the pressure or the pain will grow, but I can still eat it.  It’s so damn odd.  Before if I went too far, I would just not be able to bring that fork to my mouth one more time because I knew if I did I’d be running to the bathroom, but now, I’m not throwing up, I just get pain or pressure. 

The signs are all there.  My band and my body are working in beautiful harmony at the moment.  This is probably exactly where I want to be (band wise) – now I just have to learn to listen.  Learn to pay attention and learn to act on the cues.  "Hey look Read, you're done eating."  Which in the past week or so – basically since that last unfill – I’ve been failing at miserably.  I think I’ve finally gotten a handle on it.  I think it took me this long (well I’ve been fine for a couple of days now) to really figure out what the hell was going on with my body.  A lot of the time it feels like there is no restriction at all, of course I know that if I were to say take a bite of a big chicken sandwich, it would never go down – but, it’s just totally different than at any other time in the past 7 months.  It’s sort of like all the “walls” around what I could and couldn’t do are gone – only they’re not at all – they’re higher and stronger in fact.  I’m just left a little bit more in charge.  I know I’m not doing a good job of explaining this, but it’s totally interesting.

Of course – I just ate a banana.  A small banana.  And a) at about the ½ way point I could really feel it going down but I chalked that up to taking too big a bite, so I slowed down, but another bite in – OMG.  I’m was in serious pain and needed to take a trip to the bathroom.  So… maybe I take it all back – LOL.