Saturday, October 29, 2011

Ricky's extended family-isms....

So... Ricky's brother-in-law passed away shortly right before she left our house.  In fact, she ended up staying a bit longer and Dan took her to up state NY for the service.  He was married to Ricky's sister who passed away about 15 years ago.  She's remained close with the kids and had remained fairly close with him until he got remarried and his wife decided she HATED Ricky.  Obviously I get that Ricky can be annoying as hell on so many levels.  But she's almost not worth hating.

His name was Tony and he was a character to say the least.  He came to our wedding and flirted outrageously with my mother.  Every single time he talked to Ricky over the years he asked about my mom.  Ricky delighted in telling me over and over and over and over and over how he was sweet on my mom.  Then she'd go on to extol all the virtues of my mom.  Of course since I'm pretty anti - my mom, not to mention pretty anti - Ricky right now - I'm in no mood... but... this is not the point.

The point is Patty.  Patty is Tony's new wife.  Though I think new is the wrong word - I think they've been married for at least 5 years.  She's a treasure.  I've never met her and I'm kind of sad - I think she could have been some fodder for a whole hell of a lot of blog posts.  And... Tony's three kids... well, I have met all of them and well... they are all fucking bat shit crazy.  Seriously.  Crazy.

But anyway - Dan was really stressed about going to the service because there is always so damn much drama surrounding his family.  Early in our relationship I used to refer to his family as the 'black hole of negativity' (I'm sure I've said that here before at some point).  And being from that environment it's really easy to get sucked into the drama - which in turn sucks the life right out of you.  If I'm with him, it's a hell of a lot harder for him to get sucked in because of course they don't have access to any of my buttons and I just think they're all insane.  So I can just shake my head and say... uh, no thanks, I'll just take my paper cup of wine and go over here and people watch.

So I told him how I was a little disappointed at not being able to go as I knew it would be ripe with fun things to blog about.  I mean, seriously, how could it miss.  Of course, truly my hope was to distract him from his family's drama by giving him an assignment that would keep at least a part of me with him while he was there.  I asked him to write down notable quotes and if possible take some fun pictures for me to later blog about.

Unfortunately there were no fun pictures to be had.  Unlike the plethora of flannel shirts and holey t-shirts that showed up to his father's funeral - this was a different part of the family - really mostly the family of the in-law Tony - and apparently they remembered you should show some respect.  But... as it turned out..

Patty, the grieving widow, provided plenty of noteworthy quotes....

*God damn it, I forgot my tampax, coat, and my lighter

*I hate bras. This one is killing me.

*I met him at a pig roast.  Everything from bikers to farmers, he fit right in.

*I was dancing on stage, no bra, low cut shirt and he was waiting for my tits to come out.

*He popped a champagne cork in bed. (I'm not even sure what this one means)

*Met him and within a week, I was living with him.  Married new years eve.

(pointing at ~6 yr old picture) *This is the same outfit I am wearing today.  You can see how much I dress up.

And finally from one of the daughters, speaking of the grieving widow :

*I am hiding from Patty.  I hate that bitch


Anonymous said...

Ha Ha Ha. Love that he was waiting for her tits to come out. Apparently he didn't wait too long if they started living together that fast!! Damn, I really wish we had a picture to go with the quotes.

Band-Babe said...

Truth is stranger than fiction. You can't make that shit up.

Amanda said...

I swear I am taking a notebook to the next family function!!