Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Life in our asylum – don’t you want to come too?

I have more fun BOOBs things, but I want to add pictures and they are at home.  The teasers are…
- Sandy Lee wearing animal print underwear outside of her pants
- Jenny asking “what the fuck”
- And Gilly and Linda asking “Who’s the biggest slut”

But first – a few normal every day things that happened in our asylum last night while fixing dinner…

Another Tommy-ism (the 13 year old)

Me: Tommy, please see if Bandit needs food and water. (said for the 27th time)

Him: I’m on it, I’m getting him water.

A few minutes later as I’m bustling around the kitchen getting dinner together I hear water landing on a distant surface and look around to figure out what the hell that is… It’s our brain trust.  Of course it is. 

You know those things that you put summer cocktails in with a little spout at the bottom so people can help themselves when they want a new drink… yeah, well he’s filled this with water for the dog and has positioned it on the high bar in our kitchen somewhere in the vicinity of over the dog’s bowl and was systematically working out the trajectory in order to give the fucking dog some fucking water. 

Me: THOMAS WILLIAM ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY  (I may have left the cussing out, but I was definitely thinking it.)  What the hell are you doing?

Him: giving the dog water (said with the know-it-all, I’m-doing-nothing-you-haven’t-asked-me-to-do tone of voice)

I gave him The Look.  You know, the one that says you’re a fucking moron and we both know it but because I’m your mom I can’t really say that out loud and if you don’t cease and desist immediately I’m going to beat you senseless.  It’s a hell of a look and he knows it very well.

Him – sorry, I’ll clean it up.  (see, I told you, it’s a hell of a look.)


So… I was reading the other day, or maybe it was on the news, no I think I was reading it.  No wait, it was definitely CNN, I think.  But they were talking, or it could have been writing about this girl, a single girl with three children.  She wasn’t married, or, hmmm, maybe she did have a husband or well, I guess she had to have one at some time, but I think she was still married.  Anyway, this single girl was making only $25,000 a year and was able to make ends meet because of coupons.  You know Steve (my BIL) does that.  He’s a smart boy.  He’s married too.

Ricky – Did I tell you how we were all at the table?  It was for a meal, maybe it was dinner.  I think it was at Denise’s (my SIL) house.  So, we were all around the table and someone asked.  It was me and Denise and Steve, and I think Barbie (other SIL) was there too, so I guess her kids were there and maybe Susan (niece).  Anyway, we were all around the table for dinner and someone asked how many miles is 5,380….

Tommy, Dan (husband), and I all said simultaneously – 5,280

Ricky – okay yeah 5,280.  So they said, I don’t remember who, but they said how many miles is 5,380?  (cuz that’s definitely a question.  “Hey, Fluffy, how many miles is 5,380?”)  And I knew.  They were all so surprised that I pulled 5,380.  They just couldn’t get over the fact that I knew how many miles 5,380 was.

The best part of this one, however, was how Tommy was looking at me throughout her telling of her miraculous story – mouthing to me that it’s how many feet are in a mile – not how many miles are in a… something she never disclosed, and that it was 5,280 not 5,380.  I was mouthing right back that it was ok, to let her have her win.  And of course she was completely oblivious to the whole side conversation.


Dawnya said...

Seriously...I want to meet this woman. LOL

Fluffy said...

5380 : ) You have a lot of patience, girlfriend. Did you find the bra? HA!

Kristin50 said...

LOL you crack me up truly!

FitBy40 said...

Oh My Ever Loving God! How long do you have to put up with this? Seriously, I would have moved into a hotel, or spiked her coffee by now!

Sandy Lee said...

You don't have pics of those animal panties do you? What bribe will you take not to post?

Ask her how many pounds are in 4233 (I think that was the sum total announced Saturday night). That is over two tons!!! Or mention that it is 1919.666 kilograms and see what she thinks. Did you see the devil decimals. Just trying to keep the conversation going.

You are such a riot and I'm so glad I got to spend a few minutes with you last weekend.

Island Bandit said...

I thought of you and Ricky today.
The three times i was in my car, Bruno Mar's Lazy Song came on and it suddenly has new meaning to me:

'I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan; turn the tv on, throw my hand in my pants, nobody's gon' tell me i can't.'

I can no longer hear that song and immediately picture you re-enacting Ricky on the couch with hands in pants! lolol

Justawallflower said...

Oh my goodness, I thought I was missing part of the miles story, but then again, it was Ricky, so of course there was something missing!