OMG – I’ve been scarred for life. Seriously people. Last night my 12 year old son goes into my bathroom to take a shower. (Okay as I’m typing this – I realize it is absolutely not as bad as it could have been – not by a long shot – but still… I swear I’m scarred). After about 30 seconds there is a loud bang. But it’s not followed by a crash or a yell, so eh. He’s 12 he can handle himself pretty well. But then there’s another bang. And then another. I storm down the hall, “What the hell are you doing in there? He’d only been in there less than a minute when the banging started and he notoriously takes 20 minutes before he’s actually ready to get in the shower so it didn’t even cross my mind that he’d had enough time to strip much less that he’d actually do it (he’s a serious procrastinator about everydamnthing). I threw open the door and there is my cute little boy standing there in all his glory and… Oh holy hell. He’s got hair in places that he didn’t used to have hair.
Just the other day I was commenting on the hair on his legs that is now dark and very course and telling him I was very unhappy about this. But secretly I wasn’t all that freaked by it (I kept myself in denial a while longer) as he has no underarm hair. But… underarm or no – his junk is now planted in a thick undergrowth and it took everything I have in me as a mom not to absolutely scream “Oh holy shit, your dick is all hairy.” I managed to look him in the eye as he did his best to cover himself.
The banging??? He was trying to close the linen closet door… unsuccessfully. He’s such a smart boy, I swear. But he has the common sense of a pea… Maybe. The door has two towel hooks – the kind that fit over the top of the door – and one of them was crooked. I pulled it straight and closed the door. He said. “yeah, I guess I’m not the best at deductive reasoning.” I just ran away and threw up a little in my mouth at the horror I’d seen. I immediately told Camille who I’d been IMing with and she was appropriately horrified on my behalf. Which of course led to her thoughts of future hair on her young daughters and this caused its own new round of horror. But then… I told my husband. And do you know what that rat bastard did? He laughed his ass off. He couldn’t breathe for a few minutes because he was laughing so hard.
Me: But honey, I’m scarred for life
Him: It’s only fair, we’ve scarred him. He’s just returning the favor.
(Teddy once walked in on us while I was giving Brad a blow job. We were situated in such a way that I was standing and my back was fully to Ted and I was thus blocking what was going on – he only really knows that I was very closely examining something in that general region – at the time Ted was too young to know what we were doing but we thought that at some point in the future, like when he’s 14 or 15 he’s going to get a flashback of that scene and be able to put all the pieces together. – and then he’s going to run away from home.)
Oh dear God.