Today is 196.2 which is up 1.6lbs from last week and down 38.8 in total.
Eh. I'm okay with this gain as it makes perfect sense. I ate a lot, and I do mean a lot, of junk over the Christmas weekend. I got it back under control when I went back to work on Tuesday afternoon and was actually at a lower weight yesterday, but then we went and ate a super yummy (if MIL filled) dinner at a hibachi restaurant last night - can you say amazing sauces and lots and lots of salt.
I did have one tiny moment that sort of freaked me out though. Last night as I went to bed feeling all kinds of bloated, knowing I was going to have a gain this week, I had this moment where I thought - hey, I'll just skip this week's weigh in. I know I'll have a loss next week and we'll pretend like this never happened. Now a part of me truly doesn't want to get so hung up on any one thing that to skip a weigh in would be a big deal - but that kind of thinking is a little frightening for me. It's the bury your head in the sand kind of thinking that's helped me stay overweight my whole life. If I just ignore it, then it isn't really happening. The thought was fleeting - but still - it really surprised me to even be there at all. And it frightened me a little that it's there. I guess I can't expect all my old thought processes to magically disappear, but still... I thought it was best to get it out there in black and white so I can look back and remember - and so I can tell those negative thoughts to go fuck themselves. You know what, I gained this week and I might gain next as well. I'm okay with that. It's a journey.