Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Mothers-in-law, bands, and other heavy stuff...

So there are a few things I want to talk about and I’m going to steal from others with the whole bullet thing…

  • My MIL is coming today for 10 days.  She was here for more than 4 months in the early part of 2010 and we nearly didn’t survive.  As she installed all of my husband’s buttons she has an uncanny ability to push them in a way no one else can.  It’s truly amazing.  She’s perfectly harmless and always means well, but when she’s around, Brad turns into a completely different person – and that guy is just no fun at all.  Luckily my MIL loves me and thinks we are really close; more like girlfriends than anything else.  I’ve always been of the opinion that she gave me my husband and therefore I can tolerate whatever she hands out.  There’s no doubt we will survive 10 days relatively unscathed, but for me it means I have to gear myself up to having 4 children in the house – my normal two, my husband, and my MIL.  They will all need constant direction, entertainment, and periodic discipline.  Totally doable – but man what a pain to have to be the only adult in the house for a while (again I bow to all the single parents out there).  Maybe if Brad gets on my nerves too much I’ll lock him and his mom into a room for a few hours and see who’s able to walk out under their own power.  The boys and I can always just go see a movie.
  • I think this band thing is pretty cool once you start figuring it out.  It’s taken me a while as does every damn thing, but I think I’m finally getting it.  Over the Christmas holiday away from work, I took away all self imposed restrictions and ate whatever the hell I wanted to, whenever the hell I wanted to.  And man did I eat a bunch of shit.  But, and this is the key, I listened to my body – especially my band.  When I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t eat, or maybe just had a little taste of something yummy I was baking.  I stopped eating at the first hint I should.  I made sure I got my vitamins in and I did mostly attempt to eat a fair amount of protein, but if I wanted cookie dough for dinner – well, that’s what I had.  I gained a few pounds most of which is definitely water, but.. eh.  I felt really comfortable – really free.  I’m back at work and back to my more regimented ways – but I have a lot less fear that this is what I have to do for the rest of my life.  It’s more – I’m just a frighteningly anal retentive person who likes order in her life.  I like knowing what’s for lunch ahead of time, so sue me.  But I have this confidence now, that if a sudden party lands in my lap I will not die.  I’ll just enjoy myself and all will be well – it’s a very good thing (and just so you know – I hate Martha Stewart.)
  • Did I mention my MIL is coming?  My marriage was having issues for a while before she came in February.  Brad was in denial I think and I was trying to gently try this and that to help – it wasn’t awful it just wasn’t good.  I really think her staying with us for all that time was the beginning of the end for us.  Or the beginning of the – I’m no longer willing to ignore all this shit anymore.  When it was in his face – Brad got that he needed to fight for me – for us, but as time has gone on – I think it’s easy to just fall into the … she’s not yelling or crying or leaving so everything must be just fine now… frame of mind.  The lack of… anything from him has been weighing on me lately – Do I remind him I was serious?  Do I take his actions for what they are?  I can’t be in charge of all things good and bad – some of it has to come from him.  But is stepping back cold turkey fair to him, fair to our marriage.  I think not.  But I don’t know where the line is…. So back to the point – my MIL is coming and it’s bringing all these things back up to the forefront for me again.  And I know Brad’s going to be a basket case for the next 10 days and he’ll need me to help him get through this with his sanity and humor in tact and of course I’ll do that – but… who helps me get through it? or not even this it – I’m good with this it.  This it is 10 days long – it’s cake!  But what about the rest of our lives?....

So this took a turn I wasn’t really expecting.  Apparently I wanted to get that off my chest… I hope no one else’s MIL is coming for the next 10 days (unless you really want her there).  I'm looking forward to really getting back to my real life which includes more time in blogland - so (I'm raising my pretend glass) here's to all of you!!

9 comments:

Justawallflower said...

I really hope you guys make it the next 10 days, and then have a nice sit down with your husband where you "gently" remind him you were serious. And also inform him that you are not going to continuously remind him of that. He needs to take it seriously or be prepared to let you go. I am sorry you are going through this, and hope that in 2011 you find what your looking for in both life and your marriage!

Alison said...

Crikey, 10 days!!! You're a better woman than me.
Really hope that the adults act like adults!

Stephanie said...

Oh dear. If my MIL stayed with us ten days I would absolutely LOSE MY MIND! God bless you, hon. I'll be thinking about you and sending a ton of positive thoughts, hugs, and prayers your way. *HUGS*

-Grace- said...

Sending you lots of luck!!

tessierose said...

Wow, you've got a lot on your plate, hang in there. I hope all goes better than expected!

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

Im with Tessie... Hang on! 10 days is a long time, and i'll be thinking of you - keeping you in my prayers too! Just remember, when the family makes you want to scream or choke someone, some olives and a shaker topped with gin can come to the rescue quite nicely!!

Darlin1 said...

I wish you great patience and love!

LDswims said...

Why is it that MIL's forget what their own MIL's were like and continue on the trends? My MIL constantly tells me how awful her MIL was. But it's exactly what she does to me. I think she thinks she's different. But she's not.

Anywho, hang in there. You can survive this and it sounds like your attitude will help you do just that. I wish I had your patience!

As for hubby, yeah, Justawallflower is right. Communication is key. They can't read our minds and if you aren't telling him it's not ok, how does he know? You shouldn't have to tell him over and over. But my hubby and I have found we like to do a "state of the union" talk periodically where we can talk about what's going well - and whats not...some things come out quicker - but the positive reinforcement is nice, too.

Drazil said...

Dude - you know my MIL issues lately. Are you serious? 10 days? Like in your house? Under your roof? And you did that for four months? You are my new idol. Honestly. I couldn't do it. Even if she was Mother Teresa...which she is not by the way. I hope your hubby wakes up and realizes the gem he has in you...he really is lucky.