Friday, December 10, 2010

The sort-of yet totally amusing BYOC

1. It is negative degrees here. Today I drove 35 all the way to work because I followed a snowplow who was also salting the roads. It’s too cold to even go sledding or ice skating. The weather is downright nasty. It’s freaking Winter alright? Why then – may I ask – when driving home last night did I see not one, but two MEN – driving big “I’m a man with a small penis so I drive this HUGE truck with deer antlers on the front and playboy mud flaps and mufflers coming out of the box” trucks with their windows OPEN? Why do men do that?

I've always subscribed to the belief that their penises weigh their poor brains down.  We women (sorry to any men who may be reading this) don't have those things swinging free from our body and we don't do the completely non-sensical things like that that men routinely do.  A+B=C.  Sure we make up our own words from time to time, but only to add clarity or for entertainment.  And I'm not sure there's a correlation to the size of the penis and the brain drain it causes - maybe it's just the extra blood flow routing and not just the weight.  Cuz I'm with Draz that it's just those men compensating for certain things lacking that drive those SUVs super fast in the snow.  They help you go, sure.  But news flash, boys, they can't stop any better than anything else out there - and on ice that's not at all.  Is it true in the rest of the world as it is in MD that 90% of all vehicles off the road in a ditch during a ice storm are big SUVs with pissed off men standing next to them looking completely surprised?

2. Is Richard Simmons gay? Is he straight?  Has he ever come out? Does he have a lover?
Okay, I have no idea at all.  I guess I've always assumed yes - I've also assumed some of that, if not all has to be an act.  I think he goes home to his posh penthouse and throws highbrow dinner parties and then bathes in his money as he laughs at all of us for believing his schtick (is that how you spell that?).  Does anyone remember that SNL skit that was about President Reagan and how he was playing the bumbling guy who didn't always remember stuff, but then once the cameras were off, his "real" personality came out and he jumped in front of the commanders of the joint chiefs and laid out an eloquent, yet clear and concise plan for how to win the war.  I kind of think it's like that.  Richard flits off of Ellen's stage and flounces out to his waiting car and as soon as the door closes he says something in a deep voice, maybe with a New York accent like.  "Jesus, Bernie, I need a whiskey and make it a double, that was awful - but at least it pays the bills.  But now I barely have time to get in my tux and still make the curtain, but I'm not missing La Traviata again.

3. What’s your favorite Cmas song?
I have two and they are totally different, but I love these particular versions of these songs for the same exact reason; passion.  Both songs are filled with such passion and energy they touch me every time.  The first is Go Tell it On the Mountain as sung by Little Big Town and the second is What Child is This as sung by Andrea Bocelli and Mary J. Blige.  The Gift by Jim Brickman is way up there too!  But, I too have a 'round the clock Christmas music station on at work.  I'm lucky, though, in that there are a couple of us who have it on so we're surrounded by it.  (My least favorite, though no one asked is Christmas Shoes.  I hate that song with such a powerful passion that I have to turn off the music if it comes on and then I end up missing the next song too which makes me hate it even more.  You can't have a song designed to make you sad and cry for Christmas - I'm sorry to those who like it - but it's pure bunk!)

4. What is your most favorite and your least favorite Cmas movie?
I think I might be following with exactly what Draz said here - I love, love, love the cartoon Grinch - and when his heart grows 3 sizes I tear up every year.  I have to hide it from my boys or they laugh mercilessly at me, but what're you gonna do?  My least favorites are Rudolph because I find it really creepy and the one with the boy who wants the Red Flyer or the bb gun or something like that for Christmas.  I think he gets his tongue stuck to a pole at some point - Brad LOVES that movie and I think he's convinced the boys it's fantastic - it makes me want to tear my eyes out!

5. To all my corporate buddies out there….I have an important question. My brother is interviewing for jobs in the corporate world. He has an impeccable resume and good, long, stable job history with many impressive accomplishments. However – no bites after he interviews. He’s convinced they are checking his credit record – which is not great. Now I’ve heard places do that…but really how common is it? I mean I work in a place where our work is completely for the government and classified and export-controlled and deals with citizenship and such and we do NOT check credit scores. How prevalent is this – especially when the jobs he’s applying for are not even in the financial industry?
I work for a manufacturing company - not all that corporate, but not small and greasy either - fairly sophisticated as these things go and we've hired plenty of corporate types over the years.  That said, we do a full background check including a thorough credit check for every single person we hire; whether it's a person working in the shop or a new CFO.  Our CEO believes there's a direct correlation between credit history and ... uh... work ethic, or integrety (neither is quite right) but he believes it's important.  That said, each case it reviewed as a whole.  And unless we're hiring someone with direct access to our books or cash, bad credit is not an automatic no.  It is one piece of a puzzle.  And in this economy we look even more closely at credit and if someone can explain their bad credit to us, in a clear and reasonable manner - They got into trouble because of a lay off or a partner that lost their job, or they've been caring for a sick relative - that kind of thing - then it wouldn't really count against them.

Anyway - this was fun - so thanks Drazil!


Drazil said...

So on the last one - do you tell the applicant you're going to do a credit check or do you just do it? Do they have to give permission?

LOVED your answers - you and I both hate the Ralphy Cmas movie. I love Go tell it on the mountain too! And #1 is priceless and God #2 is to die for. You're probably right.

amandakiska said...

I HATE the Christmas Shoes too 'cuz nothing says Christmas like dead moms & shoes!

Linda said...

Oh a ally in my hatred of the Christmas shoes!!! I can not stand it.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Okay, you're first paragraph almost made me spit water on my screen. LOL! That is SO true about men. I don't get it either. As for Richard Simmons, I've always thought he was gay, but it's strange how he has never ever said 'yes' or 'no' about it in all these years. My favorite Christmas song is O Holy Night by Josh Groban. My favorite Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation (watched it last night) and my least favorite is anything sad, like the already mentioned Christmas Shoes.

Bonnie said...

Love all your answers. Very fun to read. My kids make fun of my tears all the time. I tell them when I was young and heartless I didn't cry either, but when they get older they will be just like me. That scares them enough so they shut up. :)