Tuesday, August 30, 2011

2011 BOOBs fun facts

Hello bloggers!

Can you believe it's only 29 days away? Time sure does fly! In an effort to get to know each other even mooooore we have a little questionnaire for you. If you are so inclined (c'mon - be inclined!) copy these questions onto your own blog to answer. Go crazy and steal the image above too!

If you don't feel comfortable answering some questions like when your flight arrives because you have a stalker, don't worry your pretty little head about it. We only ask to help pair up people that would like to share a cab, a shuttle, a few laughs, etc. If you like, you can email your info to us at bandofoutrageousbabes@gmail.com and we can let you know if anyone else is traveling near your time too.

Title: BOOBs 2011 Fun Facts! 
1. How did you pick your blog name?
I just answered that here in last week's BYOC.

2. When did you start blogging?
Wow, I had to look this one up... April 27, 2009 which was long before I had even thought about getting the lab band.  I had some fits and starts and then I got the band and thought my doctor was an idiot and wished there was some support out there somewhere and then I had this moment - it was a cross between a duh moment and an aha moment and I said - holy shit, I bet there are people who blog about this shit out there and I started googling and never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd possibly find such an amazing community.  I joined the community and really got going here on September 16, 2010.

3. Theme of blog (weight loss, family, circus clowns, sci-fi, erotica, fly fishing, doll collecting, star wars, etc)
While I did absolutely consider circus clowns and sci-fi erotica (all one category for me) I ended up on weight loss - I know, I know - it's old and boring... been there, done that.. Which is why I spice it up with stories about the length of my cervix.  You can thank me later.

4. Did you go to BOOBs 2010?
I did not.  I had just found the group shortly before it last year - and really, I'm shy enough that I needed a good few months under my belt before I would have considered ever going to a strange city to meet a bunch of strange women - but now.... OMG - I can not wait!

5. When were you banded?
July 2, 2010

6. How much have you lost?
Roughly 40 lbs since I had the band and 60ish pounds from my high.

7. What are you most looking forward to at BOOBs?
Meeting new people, being silly, getting laid (oops did that damn filter come off again), seeing people I've met again - just generally having fun and being surrounded by a group of people who get it - where there's none of "that" pressure.

8. What/who do you hope to find/see/accomplish at BOOBs 2011?
Um... Yeah, I've got nothing on this one.  I just hope to have fun, to be accepted, to not get so drunk that I am too hungover the next day - it's a balancing act.

9. Children? Pets?
2 boys; Ted just turned 13 - holy shit, and Jackson is 10.5  And an idiot of a barking dog named Bandit, 2 hamsters, and 7 fish.

10. Who is your roomie?
I have the very best roomies!  Linda and Rhonda.  I know you're all jealous, as well you should be.  If you're really nice to me, I might let you sit near me which will put you near them.

11. What day do you arrive?

12. What airport/flight/time?
Midway at 10:15

13. What events are you signed up for?
The drag show and dinner and the rest I'm going to just be hanging loose - perhaps velcroed to Gilly when possible - I'm hoping she'll motorboat me - can that be a verb used like that??

14. Hobbies?
Yup.  I really wanted to leave it at that, but just can't.  I make jewelry - and really have this bad habit of deciding I'm going to do some new hobbie - and I run out and buy all there is to buy and then do it - until I know I'm brilliant at it and then I never touch it again.  I am prepared at any time to scrapbook the hell out of things, make a basket, make a clock, create sculpture out of a variety of media, reupholster furniture, sew clothes, make pillows, build furniture - you name it and I've probably tried it.

15. Career?
I'm a controller for a manufacturing company

16. Single? Married? In a relationship?
no, yes, and hopefully very soon

17. Your birthday month?
May, of course - it's the very best.  I'm a Taurus.

18. What do you want other BOOBs to know about you?
Well geez.  I think I kind of throw up all about my damn life; cervix, vibrators, and all.  I do want you all to know that I swear to god I am not the debbie downer that I seem to be recently.  This is just an odd time in my life and it is what it is - It's hard for me to censor out the bad just because that's not my normal stuff - but I swear I'm usually... well not miss suzie sunshine cuz i'm way to crass for that - but much closer to suzie than debbie.

Anyway - I am wildly excited about every bit of it and can't wait to meet each and every one of you!!

    Monday, August 29, 2011

    Hey all, it seems people keep talking about refocusing...

    And isn't that a great idea?  There are only 30 days to Chicago - woo hoo.  Anyone else out there as excited as I am?  I was talking to some lovely friends of mine about how hard this whole losing weight thing is.  I mean, sure, we all know what we have to do and yet we all struggle to varying degrees at varying times.  My excuse has consisently been my marriage falling apart.  I'll be doing just fine for a while and then we'll have some seriously emotionally draining interaction and all my good intentions fly right out of the window as I desperately look for something to cram into my mouth... yeah - I know - very, very healthy habits I've got there. 

    As I'm sure is true with many of you, when I'm in an overall stronger, less emotional, state, I am much more likely to run to the treadmill or outside to take a walk - but when I'm not - it's just so easy to say - well shit, life sucks, I might as well make it suck even worse by eating a small horse while on the way to pick up a small cow.

    All that shit being said - I'm oddly feeling more in control these days.  I feel like we hit a new low recently in our marriage - nothing so earth shattering as a big fight or anything - just a calm revelation from my husband that makes me more than anything want to drive to New York and inflict lots of pain on his idiot mother - but alas there would be no more blog fodder from her so I'll refrain.  Why this makes me more calm and in control I'm not sure.  Maybe I'm just more ready to move on with whatever's next.  I'm still not leaving, but I'm definitely interested in making it more specifically official that we have an open marriage.  Another oddity - we've been getting along much better in our day to day lives - which is a wonderful thing.  Of course I think he probably interprets that as all is well in our world but that's not something I can control. 

    So - I've completely gotten off track here - my point is focus.  I have a wedding I am going to in two weeks and a cute dress that might be cuter if I were 5 or so lbs lighter.  I'm working to not put pressure on myself as I know I can always go find another dress!  And then 2 weeks after that is CHICAGO woo hoo.  Did I mention I'm excited about this?  So I've committed to be more accountable; I believe I've said this before - and yes, I suck sometimes (very well so I've been told). So I'm going to be texting poor Gilly every single damn day with my weight and I'm hoping I'll call her when I might be freaking out and on the way to get the small cow (like say tomorrow evening right after our counseling session) so she can talk me down off the ledge!

    Anyway - what's your plan??

    Friday, August 26, 2011

    BYOC Bring Your Own Crazy!!!

    Oh my goodness I totally missed that it was Friday - phew!!

    BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – 5 little questions you can copy and paste to your own blog in an effort to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blogging brain a break.


    1. What is your blog theme and how did you pick your blog name?

    Well... I guess the theme is supposed to be about weight loss - but I'm not so big on being a one note wonder.  I've always thought the best, most interesting blogs talk about the person not just the journey - so like it or not that's what I throw out there.  The name was originally My Trek Down - and I created it before I had even really thought about getting a band - I think of weight loss as a journey; a trek if you will.  One not for the feint of heart - not a nice slow little walk down a flat, paved, path - but a trek - think Himalayas or some other such big 'ol climb - And thus "My Trek Down" was born.  Only I was stupid and I accidentally connected it to my family blog which I absolutely did not want to do - so as soon as I realized that I unconnected it - but of course My Trek Down was already taken (and yes now I know how I could have worked around that, but then I didn't - I did mention I was stupid - were you paying attention) so I changed the name to My Trek Downward - and ta-da... here we are.

    2. Repeat question: I’m going to name a person not knowing anything about this person in your life or even if they exist and you need to try to describe them in five words/phrases.

    Female neighbor two homes/doors down to the left

    Oh how fun!!!!  Her name is Alicia
    Wonderful mom
    former high school math teacher
    Sweet as hell
    Absolutely wonderful
    the perfect neighbor - can call her to help any time, for any thing!!

    (if you remember the snake story where I had to get some poor neighbor to come and kill it for me - it was her husband - they are just about the best!!!)

    3. Which do you hate more? Spiders or snakes. Elliptical or treadmill. Hannah Montana or Lindsay Lohan.

    Snakes!  I don't really like either - but Jack HATES spiders with such a powerful vengeance that I have had to just deal with them since he was born and I guess I'm a teeny tiny bit desensitized now whereas snakes - I still squeal like a little girl.

    Definitely the elliptical - but... I want one - I want to conquer it - because it pisses me off that I swear I can't last 5 minutes on one.  I hate when I look like a wimpy little girl.  (apparently I have a thing against little girls today - I was never one, so I'm entitled).

    Oh definitely Hannah Montana.  I just think she's useless.  At least Lindsay Lohan has provided me with entertainment over the years.  Not to mention it was totally her in NY!!

    4. Completely selfish question…I need a dress for Chicago…keep in mind I live in Podunk so the options of physically going into a vast array of stores is VERY limited. (thank God for the internet) When you need something fancy/a dress – what is your go to store and why?

    Wait?  What?  We need a fancy dress for Chicago - oh good God.  Okay fine.

    I have no idea where to get such a thing.  And how fancy are we talking??  Obviously, I'll be reading all the answers here and on Draz's, and everyone else's blogs to find out!!

    5. Repeat question: How was your week in blog land and in real life?

    Blog world has been good.  It's been slower which has been good for me as I've been first at the comic-con and now on vacation - so for me personally the pace is good - call me selfish!!

    Real life has been good.  It started with the east coast earthquake which was kind of fun as far as those things go and is ending with a hurricane.  We're heading home from vacation tonight which is a couple of days early but where we are will be getting slammed tomorrow and it just makes sense to ride it out at home vs here.  We're an hour inland so there's no serious danger other than trees down and power outages - but nothing will be opened over the weekend so we're getting the hell out of dodge before we get stuck here.  Jackson is sick this morning (throwing up sick) which could have started in his head (worry about the hurricane, or the dog, or fear of roller coasters or.... you just never know) or body - so he and I stayed back in the apartment we're renting while Brad and Ted headed to Bu*sh G*ardens.  I'll get us all packed up while they're gone and Jack sleeps and we'll head home tonight about 12 hours-ish before the hurricane hits.

    Hope all of you are well!!!  AND only 33 days left to Chicago - woo hoo!!!

    Wednesday, August 24, 2011

    A quick update

    Hey all... remember me??

    Let's catch up, shall we?  Last weekend was the Balt* imore Comic*-con that Brad helps organize.  In the end I went and took the kids with me and we all stayed downtown in a 3 room suite (cuz apparently Brad is a big wig sometimes) in a great hotel.  I totally cold have lived in that suite - and quite a few of you could have joined me and we all would have been very happy.

    The boys had a great time, all three of them.  It was a little sad for me because it was the first year I truly had no role.  There were a few things I helped with, and I absolutely walked around and problem solved as I'm very good at that - but there were times I left and went back to the hotel and I wasn't missed and that was sad - sort of like a big sign of a difference.

    But - it was so so so amazing to watch Jack at the show.  He was so very comfortable there.  He walked around like he owned it.  It's been so long to see him so completely comfortable like that - It was so worth every bit of what I didn't like about it to have been able to watch him there.  He headed wherever he wanted and got sketches from artists he liked - he worked the lines, was always polite and helpful and was all around wonderful and had a wonderful time. 

    Teddy had "owned" the show for a few years now.  And this year even more so.  He helped at the airport on the first day as all the guests came to town.  Helping with their luggage, and getting them to the shuttles that got them down town.  We got a lot of very nice complements about both of our boys from a lot of people who didn't know them and to a parent as most of you know, that's a beautiful thing!!!

    Once the show was over we got home and washed and packed and then headed down to William*sburg.  Oh but wait - first we got to feel the earthquake before we left - which was totally cool - it's my first.  Of course now we're in the path of Hurricane Irene.  We're far enough inland that we're not in real danger - but we may very well lose power down here - we've bought some flashlights and a cooler for our food - and made a tentative hotel reservation for Sunday in case heading back home on Sunday doesn't make any sense.  I guess it'll depend on whether or not it ends up heading up the bay - which it looks less likely that it will.

    Oh wait - I forgot... on Tuesday morning I got the IUD inserted in me.  That wasn't too bad, but she had a hard time getting the inner opening of my cervix to open she said "I had to really lean on it"... oh good, that's why I'm in this pain.  So begins the end of my horrendous periods and the fear of possible future pregnancy - both very good things.

    But then on Wednesday I swear I've been totally wiped out today - all day long.  I'm assuming it's a delayed reaction to the crazy weekend coupled with someone shoving something up inside me.  OH.... and.. I get there, I'm in the stirrups and I say - Wait!  I need to tell you to use the extra long speculum - and she says I see that noted here in your chart, but I just can't believe that.  It's so big, so long.  I think it's horrendous and I don't even have on in my room.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay but Nicole (my doctor) always goes through three different ones before she ends up using the big one - and I swear to you it doesn't bother me - just go get it.  No, I just can't - I'll use the normal one.  She shoves it home and says - okay - you are really long in there - I need the big one.  yeah yeah yeah - whatever.

    Anyway she gets it in there and is telling me how I have to reach in and check these little strings inside me once a month to make sure it's still in there but then she pauses... Do you have long fingers?  Um, no.  I hold up my perfectly normal sized fingers.  Okay, you may not be able to reach the strings - you'll never know if it's still in there till you come in once a year.  Oh good. LOLOL

    Anyway - so - tomorrow is Wat*er Coun*try and the next day is Bus*ch Gard*ens and we'll do the old part of town in there at some point.  I'm laying big money on the fact that my kids will not have school on Monday because of the Hurricane, but we'll see.

    I hope everyone's well!  (Oh and I'm tight as hell - which I NEVER EVER am.  I'm still thinking it's stress and I'm really trying to own it!)

    I love you all!

    Wednesday, August 17, 2011

    Y*ahoo M*essenger

    I typed it that way so it wouldn't come up if someone was searching for it but....

    So, I love IMing with my friends on M*essenger and it's been more and more fun as I've been able to add BOOBs to my "friend" list on Yahoo and then been able to easily chat with them at night when we both happen to be online.

    With other groups I belong to sometimes we get a group chat going and it's totally fun, though I haven't done that in a while.  But I say this because well I don't love chatting on Face*book as the font is just too small for these old eyes. 

    So this is my not remotely subtle plea to to come and play with me on M*essenger.  My Y*ahoo name is shadoof41.

    And just to amuse myself I'll tell you where the name Shadoof comes from.  Once upon a time I was away on spring break with some sorority sisters and we were playing drunken Balderdash.  If you don't know the game it involves making up definitions to obscure words and then someone having to pick the correct one.  The word was shadoof and one of the definitions that was read aloud for it was... and I quote... "Read's twatty".  Needless to say that was my sorority nickname from that day forward!  There are still a fair number of people who call me Shadoof to this day.

    If you do friend me - please tell me you're a boob and if you need directions on how to - just send me an email or comment here and I'll help you through it!

    Tuesday, August 16, 2011

    I can only handle so much temptation... so sue me

    Well... I'm being accountable.  And it's not my best work.  I had a great day yesterday liquids on day 1 of the pouch test.  I had a great day today (day 2 of liquids) until I left for work... no that's not true.  it was until I left the marriage counselor.  I went by myself as Brad was unavailable and it was good and all - but... you know... I was a little raw afterwards (can someone please tell me what's wrong with the spelling of afterwards??  Is it not a word? Is it two words??  This is what I say yet when I spell it - I'm told I'm a moron - please help) - okay, maybe a lot raw. 

    The place is quite near my sister's house and I sat at a light and debated - do I go to her house, or do I go home.  I had a plan for dinner at home, but I definitely needed some down time - some processing time before I went home to my husband and kids.  At my sisters are my freaking adorable nieces, not to mention my sister who I like very much - but she will try to feed me and she and her husband both are very, very good cooks.

    But, in the end it was traffic that made my choice.  I got out of the appointment right at rush hour and the main road to my house was MOBBED!!!  So I decided to stay down where I was and go visit the sister.  Do you know what that little bitch was doing when I got there??? I bet you can't guess.  She was just pulling out of the oil, home made thick french fries.  She told me she'd been working to perfect them.  Bitch.  I said no.  I'm not going to have any.  Then we got to talking about the appointment and some other stuff and.. I had a fry.  They were indeed perfect.  I had even told her, I don't want any cuz then I'll want a lot.  Well, I was right.  I wanted a lot.  Luckily I wasn't able to consume very many - I seem to have found the one thing that effects my band - stress.  Then my B-I-L came home and Jesus God he whipped up these hot pork loin and cheese sandwiches in the time it took me to blink twice.  I had totally hit my limit - my.. "if I have one more morsel of anyfuckingthing I will puke" limit and then S (BIL) says, no Read, you've got to try this - it's to die for.  No, S. I'm good, it looks wonderful, but no thanks. 

    What does the little bastard do?  He completely ignores me.  He cuts one of the sandwiches in half and puts it on a plate and pushes it to me.  Come on, it's soooo good, you've got to give it a try.  Here, he pours ketchup (of all things) on the plate.  It's even better with ketchup.  Knowing S as I do I was confident this would continue until I had at least one bite - so... I dutifully dipped a corner in the ketchup and took perhaps the smallest bite in the history of the world while I prayed I wouldn't accidentally swallow any of it.  I chewed and chewed and chewed and waited an appropriate amount of time before I excused myself, all the while keeping the liquefied very, very yummy sandwich bite in my mouth and headed for the bathroom to spit it out.  Have you guys ever done that???  I decided it was a new threshold for me - one I'm not sure I'm proud of or horrified by - LOL. 

    Anyway - it wasn't enough and I puked a bit anyway - oops.  Oh well..  But really the bigger problem was - the damn had been breached.  I was now in the - I want to shove some food at my rawness place.  So when I got home - what did I have?? But the crack my husband bought last night.  I have not once bought those horrific little crack light potato flakes since I talked about it a while ago - and last night out of the blue Brad brings home an industrial sized box.  I was like... are you fucking kidding me - that's crack to me.  He immediately hid the box from me, which was good - but when I asked for it tonight he said - do you really want it?  um, yes.  yes I do.  I said.  And well... now I feel sick.  But wait - I'm going downstairs and dumping the rest of that god damn shit in the trash can so I can't be tempted again because clearly I'm weak..... Okay - done - they're gone now.


    Monday, August 15, 2011

    The start of accountability

    Hey all!

    I'm totally copying off of Tessie Rose (okay, well there are many of you who've absolutely stepped up your efforts of late, but the specific idea of serious accountability - that's from her).

    I've been in this rut of my own making for entirely too long and I'm just done with it.  The easy go-to excuses that have been cropping up are all done with the bachelorette party having happened this weekend.  So today's the day that I'm going to just suck it up and do what I need to do.  I'm very loosely following a 30 day biggest loser book I have - but really only for the exercise portion.  In the past I have worked well when I was just told what to do vs having to think too hard about it - so the book's plan has me working out 6 days a week at increasing intensity and as I've absolutely done what they're asking me to do (and more) and been able to sustain it - it seems like a good place to start. 

    As for the food part - I believe I'm going to go with following band rules stridently - as if this is my first 30 days after the band (well the first 30 days I could eat solid food) with weight watchers points as an outside limiting factor.  There are still some hurdles in my immediate future, but I'm determined to do okay with them as well.  The comic book convention is this weekend - and traditionally I've worked the entire show (for those who don't know I'm not a comic book person but my husband is and he is one of the organizers of the show).  And while there is a lot of added incidental exercise in that I'm on my feet running around all day every day until I drop at night - there is not any time for other exercise and I'm just going to be fine with that for the weekend. 

    And we order in sandwiches every day (though I don't have anything to do with the orders specifically) for the staff - and they aren't horrible choices in general but it's not what I would have chosen - but.. I bought a bunch of Luna and Zone bars which are yummy and filling choices that I am planning on eating just before lunch arrives so I won't be tempted by the big yummy cookie that always comes with the lunches.  :)

    I'm going to skip the awards dinner so that one won't be a problem which leaves only 1 meal that will test my resolve which is the end of the event decompression dinner that we always have.  It's always my favorite event as the staff gets together and has a nice meal somewhere and... well... decompresses.  I'll just plan on doing my best - it's the fact that I know I'll be exhausted and sort of in that "OMG, I'm just so glad it's over I don't care about anything else in the world" kind of mood.  But - I know I'll order fish as I always order fish when I'm out so that's a good start.

    So.. I'll be reporting on my progress here to help keep me accountable.  I'll also be keeping a log to track what I'm doing both food and exercise wise. 

    Oh and my plan is starting off with this 30 day plan which makes the 30th day 9/13.  My long term intention is that this structure (which I always do better with) gets me back in the right frame of mind where I'm making the right food and exercise choices for the long haul again.  And my intermediate intention is that well... 9/13 is just two short weeks before it's time to go to Chicago (YAY!!!) so I'll keep on the same uber structure until it's time to get on the plane.  But the intention I'm working with on a daily basis is - it's 30 days people, I can handle anything for 30 days.

    So... I'm starting off this week with the 5 day pouch test which I've done several times before and for me the best part of it is that it reminds me that *I* am in control of food, not the other way around.  So today is liquids of the low carb variety (as is tomorrow) and I know I can do that!  So... there it is - my plan of action.  I'll keep you posted!


    Friday, August 12, 2011

    BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!

    There is NUSSING better than a Friday, is there?

    Oh wait – yes there is. BYOC on a Friday! Or shoe shopping. With purses amuck. Or about a million other things BUT for right now I’ve got NUSSING but a little BYOC on a Friday – so take it or leave it!

    BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – 5 questions you can copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire – in an effort to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blog brain a break!


    1. I have to do some MAJOR cleaning tonight…which is prompting me to ask…what is the absolute worst thing you hate to clean or cleaning chore you hate the most? (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, toilets, floors, etc.)

    Well, I'm pretty damn spoiled in that someone else does my toiletes though I'm not even sure if that would be my most hated - it's one of those things that is what it is - go in, get it done , get out (and never think about it again).... Although as I'm typing this... I do find it fairly frightening to even walk into my son's bathroom.  They are boys... enough said.  But to maybe actually answer the question asked - I hate hate hate hate to fold and put away laundry.  I think it goes back to some deep seated resentment towards my mother and laundry that it would take a shrink many, many years to unravel - but that's the one.  I don't mind washing and drying the clothes - it's the rest that kills me.  I spent 2 hours just folding and putting away the damn stuff last night and I sort of  had to block it out of my head what I was really doing - OH!  And there was preseason football on - our long national nightmare is over - football is back!!! Woo Hoo!!  That made it a little easier!

    2. Brown or Black? Fly or Drive? Hot dog or Burger? Gold or Silver?
    Um.. well I like both brown and black (and my mind isn't 100% on dirty things, I swear it's not).  I LOVE to drive so I'd say drive, but once you hit about 5 hours or so driving distance - I can't be bothered and I'd just as soon fly.  I don't really like either hot dogs or burgers.  I do like a good turkey burger - one I make with sun dried tomato pesto and feta cheese.... yummmmm.  Maybe for dinner tonight!  And gold and silver??? I like them both - it depends on my mood.

    3. Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them or even if a relationships exists – and you then try to describe that person in 5 short sentences/words.

    Maternal Grandmother

    Aaaahhhh Mo.
    very strong

    4. Even if you don’t have kids, how do you feel about kids in multiple sports during their school years?  Were you in MULTIPLE sports all during school?  Forced or by choice?

    Our kids are always playing at least one sport throughout the entire year; soccer, flag football, basketball, baseball, rugby, swimming, ultimate frisbee.  It's their choice, though I did strongly encourage Jackson to play baseball this past year because I thought the reason he didn't want to was bogus.  He thinks of baseball as 'Ted's sport' and feels he could never live up to Ted so he doesn't want to play it  - but the reality is a) you are your own person and if you enjoy a game you should play it if you want and b) he's a better natural athlete than Ted is and I was confident he'd do just fine and thought it would be a good idea for him to see that.  He played and he loved it! and he did fantastically.  He still loves flag football and rugby better (there's more running) and that's fine.  I don't care if he ever plays again but other than that bit of urging we let them chose.  We do limit them to two at any one time, though neither of them has ever wanted to do three.  But really, when we have 2 kids playing 2 sports each - the logistics of 4 sports a week is almost more than 2 adults can manage.  We much prefer when they are each playing one sport at a time for our own sanity - but we'll go to two if they really want to do it.

    5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

    Blog land is totally fun.  People are rocking the challenge - visiting friends - and just generally living life to the fullest - I'm loving it!  Oh and now there's talk of sex toys and sex tours and maybe some live sex demonstrations all provided by Draz in Chicago - I'm thrilled to hear all this!!

    Real life - is going along.  Jack's been home for the last three weeks just playing with the neighborhood kids, which there are PLENTY - but I think he's (and I know Brad had) reached his "Camp Dad" limit.  There is more bickering going on - but we'll survive! (the brunt is really on Brad).  Teddy hurt is wrist playing goalie at soccer camp yesterday.  I came home and he told me his wrist was fractured.  Um... I don't think so.  Mom!  I swear it is!  I know it is!  Okay babe, can you bend your wrist, twist it?  Show me what you can do.  He proceded to move his wrist around in a circle and bent it up and down.  I'm no doctor, so Camille, feel free to tell me I'm insane.  But I told him nope, it's not fractured or that would have made you scream like a little girl, instead of just being uncomfortable.  Not to mention there's no swelling or bruising or anything.  I did tape it up for him this morning when he said it still hurt - but for now, we'll just let him play soccer and perhaps stay out of the goal and let his feet do the talking.

    Wednesday, August 10, 2011

    Hey... remember me?? (waving hands in air like a crazy person)

    Hello everyone, remember me???

    So…. Sorry I’ve been hiding a bit.  I’m mostly just a dork.  Let’s see if I can catch you up, shall I.

    So.. first of all… do you all notice that it truly is the little things that make all the difference in the world?

    I must confess (and yes – this is a big ol’ excuse, I know that) but losing weight is very difficult in the middle of a major marital crisis.  There are only so many balls I can juggle at any one time and while I’ve basically maintained during all this, I’ve found it hard to give eating right and exercising the energy and priority level it really needs.  I see myself making much better choices in general – in small ways – but… over the long haul there aren’t enough of them. 

    But recently I feel that’s changing and it was just a little thing that seems to have pushed me in a better direction.  I’ve had a few conversations recently, just a little back and forth exchanges in which I was reminded that *I’m* important.  The me part of that.  The world is much, much bigger than what’s going on inside my house, inside my marriage. 

    Who knows what the future holds, right?  Nothing’s a guarantee.  But I don’t have to be stuck in this wait and see mode.  Will he or won’t he?  Can he share and then get rid of his anger?  Can he provide me with the things I need to feel loved and cared for?  Who knows.  But… that doesn’t mean I have to sit around and do nothing before I have my answer.  I might not know for years, hell Jack’s getting better, but he’s still got a ways to go before I won’t believe that a split would break him.  So I choose to move forward and put me first now.  I’m still going to put in the energy to repair my marriage and it might even work, but as I’m only one half of the equation.. eh?  We’ll see.  But, I’m not going to be defined any longer by that. 

    On to my kids…
    Every day Jackson says…. When my hamsters die can I get a new pet.  Um.. maybe but they better not die of neglect!!  Now he’ll say… When my hamsters die can I get a new pet and before you say anything I’m checking on the hamsters to make sure they have food and water every single day. 

    Bachelorette parties….
    OMG!!  I swear I missed the whole lesson entitled “this is what it’s like to be a girl”  I’ve been muddling through all this time.  Right now somehow I ended up in the position of planner for a bachelorette party and can I just tell you I’m out of my element here.  Who knew there were all these rules and traditions?  Not me!!

    So first there’s a subset of people going to a spa in the afternoon.  I swear to god getting these woman to schedule their shit at times that make sense gives a whole new meaning to the term “herding cats”.  I totally understand what that means now!  Good god!!  I think that part is finally over, thank god!  And now I’m looking forward to a lovely facial and an extra indulgent pedicure this Saturday.

    Then we’re heading out for a night on the town in Baltimore.  Starting at a bar, moving to a restaurant then a piano bar for singing then possibly a gay bar or two for dancing.  Sadly for the straight, single women in the group (and me), the only really good dancing around here is in the gay bars.  Aaaaah, it makes me a little wistful for my misspent youth… I spent a whole lot of hours dancing there back in the day.

    Anyway – I was at this crab feast this past weekend and one of the attendees was there and she’s definitely a girly girl and I learned there are games to be played and things to be worn so we look like the group we are – and things for the bride to be to wear so people will buy her drinks… Geesh.  Who knew??  Probably all of you, but I swear I had no idea.  So now I’ve got a trunk full of pink beads and tiaras and blinking engagement rings and light up bride to be pins.  Holy shit.  It’s as if Barbie threw up in my trunk – bitch!

    And – I have 10 pages of “I never” questions so we can play over dinner!  I need to write them out on cards first, so they’ll be prettier but I’m expecting to be mighty drunk if you know what I mean!

    Oh and speaking of the crab feast – it was my annual company picnic and there are always door prizes.  And I win them more than my fair share and I hate it!  I mean I love to win, but in the past few years our CEO has taken to channeling Monty Hall from Let’s Make a Deal.  Your name gets drawn by some random 5 year old and you go up to the front of the room (I already hate it) and then you get to pick any of the remaining wrapped presents laid out on the table.  Big and small boxes of all shapes and sizes.  You can’t touch them, you just have to point.  Then the dealing starts.  “Read, can I give you $20 instead of the box?”  No, I say.  Because I can not possibly describe to you how truly awful this part of it is.

    There are dud prizes up there.  Like a flashlight and there are wonderful prizes like cameras and a Wii.  So – you are up there making or not making a deal that will end up showing the world that you made a good or a bad decision.  And the CEO LOVES it – he does his best to draw it out and be funny and put you on the spot (I know some of you are cringing right along with me here).  I won last year too and I swear I blocked the whole thing out of my mind because I don’t remember what I won at all.  But I go up there already deciding I will not take the deal – that I’m just going to say no to the money no matter how high he goes and hope that it will be over soon.  So that’s what I did and…. I won a Wii!  Which was totally cool!!!   We already have one, but I’ve secretly been wanting another one that I could dedicate to WiiFit and now I have it!!

    I’m still working my way through the blogs but I’m getting there.  I’m in love with what Laura Belle said about rewarding herself after whatever… like 5 days of working out = shoes.  This is how I’m going to do it too.  I’ve so far managed to stay away from that shoe site that all of you are drooling over and losing your life savings to – but I know it’s only a matter of time..  5 days of exercising later…..

    Have a fun day today!!

    Friday, August 5, 2011

    I have a teenager... Ack!

    Okay look!  I’m sick and tired of being Debbie downer over here.  And Jesus God if I’m tired of it you all must be about to puke (sorry Draz).  This is not who I am.  In fact, last night I was at a friend’s house helping them get their wedding invitations stuffed and whatnot – well there was this woman there, named oddly enough Debbie, who was almost sickeningly positive.  No matter what anyone said or did she immediately put a positive spin on it – it was very funny.  Finally I told her I had to take her home with me because that much positive energy needed to be shared.  She said – oh, I’m not that nice.  And I said – I didn’t say you were nice, only that you were positive. (which was funny at the time).  I continued on to say – I’m neither positive nor nice to which my friend immediately jumped in with – Hey!  You are positive, always positive. She cocked her head and looked at me thoughtfully, you’re not nice, but you are positive.  On the up side though, you’re funny when you’re being not nice.  So… That’s all the proof I have to offer that I am in fact not a natural Debbie Downer.  Oh and one more thing – I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all your love and support, it means more to me than I can begin to tell you – and I have no doubt at all that I’ll be begging for it again one day soon – but good God I’m ready to move on.

    So.. shall we?...

    First let’s talk about my son Ted.  He’s turning 13 today.  Oh holy God how the hell did that happen. And yes (Jenny) I also know how this occurred on a factual basis but… that boy is a teenager and he lives in my house.  It’s wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t all hairy.  I can’t get past it.  People keep telling me my water bill’s gonna go up since he’ll be jerking off in the shower all the damn time now – and that doesn’t bother me.  I hope he jerks off to his heart’s content.  EXCEPT.  He’s going to be doing it while his junk is all hairy.  That’s my baby we’re talking about – it’s not okay that he has hairy junk.  Who said that was okay??? 

    Okay – but about my little man.  Who’s now got at least two inches on his mama.  (bastard).  He’s turning into a delightful person.  Here’s a recent conversation we had.  He was talking about a girl he liked from camp (let’s not get me started on this whole girl crazy thing – geesh!).

    Me: I thought she was very cute.
    Him: She is
    Me: I bet she was the cutest girl at camp.  (I was totally trying to make him blush and get all embarrassed)
    Him: (pondering the questions seriously)  She’s cute, but she’s not the cutest girl there.
    Me: Okay Ted, this is very important.  Something that will serve you well for the rest of your life.  No matter what you really think about that, as far as she’s concerned you think she’s the cutest girl in the world.
    Him: (totally rolling his eyes at me). I know that mom (with a total I’m not stupid tone). 

    I left the bathroom where we were having this important conversation and had gotten half way down the hall when he popped his head out and said.

    “Mom, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”

    My boy’s no dummy!

    For his birthday he keeps adding things to the list.  But here it is as of the last time I looked:

    -A big bike (12 speed) instead of the little one he has (totally reasonable)
    -some inline skates (I love this idea, but there will no doubt be lots of cursing by me and moaning by him – my boy is not patient, especially about learning new things)
    -a PS3 (uh.. no.  I think we already have 286 gaming systems of one kind or another and we do not need anymore)
    -some video games (of course he does)
    -some legos (at least my little boy is still in there)
    -a Lamborghini (sure, why not aim high)
    -a lap top (cuz he thinks the computer he already has isn’t good enough – uh.. yeah, babe keep dreaming – not to mention I sure as hell don’t want him to have a computer he can hide away in his room with)
    -a house (um, should I take this personally?)
    I added to the list for him, one million dollars - (cuz why not?  I figured he'd need the money to furnish this new house and keep him in legos and video games).

    He told me he’d rather have the PS3 instead of the 1 million dollars (okay, I may have to reconsider my earlier comment about him not being a dummy)  I pointed out to him that with the money he could buy his own PS3 and the laptop.  Oooooh, yeah. 

    Obviously we still have some work to do.

    BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!

    It’s Friday so you know what that means here in Care Bear Land!

    Yup, it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy!!!!!

    We answer a few questions in an effort to get to know each other better and
    to give our blogging brains a break.

    Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

    1. I’m going to pick a person in your life – not knowing if you have a good or bad, existing or non-existent relationship with them – and your mission is to pick 5 words or traits or thoughts to describe them.

    Your paternal grandmother.
    I love this one - I loved my grandmothers and it's always such a joy to think back on either of them and the beautiful women they were.  I was truly blessed to have both of them in my life.
    amazing cook
    hard on herself
    struggled with her weight
    big boobs

    I think I got my fiercness and feistiness (along with most of the others) from her.

    2. What’s your all time favorite color to paint your nails? And your toes?

    Fingers - The color that looks best on my nails is a rich burgandy color, but depending on my mood and the season sometimes I go with pink or fuck me red.

    Toes - I'm a little freer on my toes.  I like bright colors down there - hot pink, purple, maybe even a deep orange. 

    3. Do you get along with your parents well?

    Yes.  My mom is great.  She was always more a friend than a mom, but as I'm now an adult we've gotten to the place where that's just as it should be.  She's fun and silly and great to hang out with - this apple did not fall far from her tree (and my little apple, Jackson, did not fall far from his tree, me).  My dad - he's a little harder.  He's a very nice man with good intentions but he was and is just.. absent.  I made peace with our relationship a very long time ago and I see him several times a year and when we're together we get along great - but we're not particularly close.  It wouln't occurr to me (or him) to call if something great or terrible happened to either of us.  I try to remember to call him on his birthday and father's day and he probably wishes that he remembered to call me more.  When my kids were young I made a significant effort to "imprint" my dad and step mom on my kids until they were about two, knowing they'd never make that happen for all they wanted to be these amazing grand parents.  For those years I made sure the kids saw them about every 6 weeks. (we only lived about 20 minutes from each other).  Dad and Pat are always thrilled to see them, but without my specific direction it just doesn't happen.  They just don't have family skills.  My imprinting worked and my kids speak fondly of that set of grandparents - though at times they've been surprised to learn they lived so close.  A couple of years ago Jackson said to my step mom in all seriousness - "You live in MD??? Wow, was I wrong!  I thought you lived in NC"  Brad and I about fell on the floor keeping ourselves from laughing.  That was one of those beautiful "out of the mouths of babes" moments. 

    So I'm sitting here going on and on about my dad with whom I've made my peace and it feels a little like "Me think thou doth protest too much"  but the reality is that my dad has been on my mind a lot lately as I think depsite my best efforts I married my dad.  Maybe it's just that Brad doesn't have any family skills.  He's a good man and he has good intentions - just no follow through.  Very much out of sight out of mind.  I might make peace with his skill level and I don't think I'll ever hate him, but I won't spend the rest of my life married to him if that's all he can give.

    4. Speaking of rainbows – rank the rainbow colors in the order you prefer.


    5. Repeat question. How was your week in real life and in blog land this week?

    In blog land.  um... well... I suck.  Hi, my name is Read and I'm a bad friend.  Today is, I think, the first time I've been online all week.  I did try to get on yesterday and I think made it to Ronnie's blog - but I didn't even have a chance to finish catching up on her blog.  I got through Gilly's and OMG - I'm so amazingly excited for her - I'm on cloud 9 so she must just be out in the stratosphere.  As for everyone else - that's this weekend's project!!  I have just been running non stop trying to catch up from being away - which I'm totally not yet.  But it'll come... right??? I hope.....

    Real life - well... I had the most amazing time in WY and CO with my friend Camille.  Someone told me she's my "e-friend" since I met her online - all I know is that she's my best friend and one of the best people I've ever been lucky enough to know.  Her family's pretty great too.  I guess that makes you all my e-friends too - I kind of like the term.  It's probably an old term that you all know, but I just learned it so I'm going with it!  We just hung out and as you all know from meeting other boobs - there wasn't an awkward moment - I was just heading over to play with my friend as if I do that all the time.

    I cried almost the whole way home though - and it wasn't about missing Camille per se - it was about being in this insulated bubble of love and fun and support for 5 days and then heading home to where nothing's comfortable and the love is hard to see (well not relating to the kids).  And there's no support whatsoever to speak of.  Brad learned I was upset about coming home and saw that again as more proof positive that I hate him and don't want him around.  I said... Or it could just be that I'm sad about where our life is...

    We had a big to do on Wednesday night that ended with me crying and leaving the house for a few hours.  I used the time to get the birthday shopping done for Teddy so it wasn't a total loss.  I'm sure all the clerks thought I was insane with the way my eyes were all red and just kept leaking - but.... eh.  When I finally came home Brad and I had a long talk.  That was good - but ... eh... who knows if he heard a thing I said - or if he meant a thing he said. We'll just have to wait and see.  In the mean time - I'm getting an IUD put in in a couple of weeks and am ready to begin to explore the openness of an open marriage (condoms will still be a must but I know I'll rest easier without the risk of pregnancy) - Hopefully Brad will still be on board with that.

    Monday, August 1, 2011

    Survey Says....

    I totally stole this from Stephanie who stole it from someone else....  I thought it was another god way for people to get to know each other.

    1. What is your occupation right now ?

    I'm a CPA and work as a controller at a manufacturing company.  I spend much of my time doing cost  and financial accounting and almost none of my time doing anything related to taxes for which I'm completely grateful!

    2.What color are your socks right now?

    Well... hmmm... it's about 90 degrees outside right now - but Brad likes it a hell of a lot colder inside than I do - so while I'm not wearing any right this second - I was just considering them....

    3. What are you listening to right now?

    CNN.  I was wondering what the idiots very smart men and women in Washington were doing about the debt limit

    4. What was the last thing that you ate?

    um... if I said peanut butter ice cream would you still like me??

    5. Can you drive a stick shift?

    Absolutely.  In fact, my current car is the first one I've ever owned that wasn't a stick and it still bugs me that it isn't.  I feel a little less in control without having a stick.  But I do have that option of going manual which I use in snow or ice - so that's something.

    6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

    my husband - I wanted to know if he wanted me to pick up dinner for him and the boys.

    7. Do you like the person you stole this blog from?

    Yes, I do.

    8. How old are you today?


    9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?

    I'm a HUGE sports fan.  I love almost all of them.  My all time favorite is the Tour de France.  Pro football and college basketball are a tied for second.  But... I thoroughly enjoy watching just about everything sports related - except car racing (though I can watch that in a pinch if I start right from the beginning of the race) and fighting (whether it's boxing or ultimate fighting - they just aren't my thing.)  I like golf, soccer, tennis, baseball, swimming, I could go on and on.

    10. What is your favorite drink?

    hmmmm.  I think that depends on my mood.  I love cold water.  I love a really good gin and tonic.  I love a madras with a splash of peach schnapps.  I love love love a good chai latte (Oregon chai is much better than Tazo)

    11. Have you ever dyed your hair?

    yup.  I had very blond hair when I was a kid, it was a darker blond by the time I graduated from high school and light brown by the time I graduated from high school.  And then.... well, I used to switch between blond and brown.  Brad bugged me for years to go red and finally I decided to give it a try.  I figured that because I have green eyes I should look okay with red hair (I'm not sure that's sound logic).  But.. I went red with one of those temporary colors thinking at worst it would suck for 6 weeks - but... I loved it and have been red ever since (probably for the last 7 or 8 years.  (I suspect my natural color is now just a nice solid gray, but I don't think I'll confirm that for some years to come.)

    12. Favorite food?

    Seafood.  Pretty much any kind, though eel is my absolute favorite.  I also especially love crabs from the Chesapeake bay and salmon.

    13. What is the last movie you watched?

    Bridesmaids (with my MIL immediately before the public pooping incident which is funny as hell if you've seen the movie)

    14. Favorite day of the year?


    15. How do you vent anger?

    not very well.  If I'm smart I do something physical.  But usually I just give out a serious primal scream.

    16. What was your favorite toy as a child?

    um.  No idea.  Is that sad?

    17. What is your favorite season?

    I would say fall but fall brings on winter and I hate cold weather so poor fall has been disqualified.  So I say spring because it's sort of similar to fall and it brings on summer.

    18. Cherries or Blueberries?

    in their raw natural form, these are probably my least favorite fruits in the world.  They're both okay, but that's all I could say.  Cooked in something - it's blueberries hands down.

    19. Do you want your friends to blog this survey?

    Sure...it's a good way to learn about all of us!

    20. Where is you favorite place to escape?

    The water or anyplace naturally beautiful.

    21. Favorite Tv Show?

    So You Think You Can Dance and Castle.

    22. Living arrangements?

    We live in a serious, stereotypical, soccer-mom-kind-of suburban neighborhood.  Me, Brad, our two sons, 1 evil dog, 2 hamsters, and 4 fish.

    23. When was the last time you cried?


    24. What is on the floor of your closet?


    25. Who is the friend you have had the longest?

    My sister.  If you disqualify family then it would be Kelli who I've known since I was 5 and she was 4.  Though we live less than 15 min from each other we have grown into very, very different people and don't see each other very much.  We still like each other but we're not exactly close friends anymore.  As far as real live close friends that would be Jen.  We've been very close and consistent friends for nearly 20 years.

    26. What did you do last night?

    Flew home from Denver after spending an absolutely fantastic long weekend with my wonderful friend Camille

    27. What are you most afraid of?

    making the wrong decision about my future

    28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?

    I don't eat hamburgers - so if we could go with turkey burgers - I'd say cheese!!!  and bacon too, please.

    29. Favorite dog breed?

    um... all, except maybe pit bulls - which I feel is unfair but can't help it.

    30. Favorite day of the week?


    31. How many states have you lived in?

    uh... one.  My mother forbade my sister and me from ever leaving MD and somehow that worked.  We're known as "bay stickers" cuz we stick around the bay.

    32. Diamonds or pearls?

    eh.  If I had to choose, I'd go with diamonds.

    33. What is your favorite flower?

    Gerber daisies