Monday, August 29, 2011

Hey all, it seems people keep talking about refocusing...

And isn't that a great idea?  There are only 30 days to Chicago - woo hoo.  Anyone else out there as excited as I am?  I was talking to some lovely friends of mine about how hard this whole losing weight thing is.  I mean, sure, we all know what we have to do and yet we all struggle to varying degrees at varying times.  My excuse has consisently been my marriage falling apart.  I'll be doing just fine for a while and then we'll have some seriously emotionally draining interaction and all my good intentions fly right out of the window as I desperately look for something to cram into my mouth... yeah - I know - very, very healthy habits I've got there. 

As I'm sure is true with many of you, when I'm in an overall stronger, less emotional, state, I am much more likely to run to the treadmill or outside to take a walk - but when I'm not - it's just so easy to say - well shit, life sucks, I might as well make it suck even worse by eating a small horse while on the way to pick up a small cow.

All that shit being said - I'm oddly feeling more in control these days.  I feel like we hit a new low recently in our marriage - nothing so earth shattering as a big fight or anything - just a calm revelation from my husband that makes me more than anything want to drive to New York and inflict lots of pain on his idiot mother - but alas there would be no more blog fodder from her so I'll refrain.  Why this makes me more calm and in control I'm not sure.  Maybe I'm just more ready to move on with whatever's next.  I'm still not leaving, but I'm definitely interested in making it more specifically official that we have an open marriage.  Another oddity - we've been getting along much better in our day to day lives - which is a wonderful thing.  Of course I think he probably interprets that as all is well in our world but that's not something I can control. 

So - I've completely gotten off track here - my point is focus.  I have a wedding I am going to in two weeks and a cute dress that might be cuter if I were 5 or so lbs lighter.  I'm working to not put pressure on myself as I know I can always go find another dress!  And then 2 weeks after that is CHICAGO woo hoo.  Did I mention I'm excited about this?  So I've committed to be more accountable; I believe I've said this before - and yes, I suck sometimes (very well so I've been told). So I'm going to be texting poor Gilly every single damn day with my weight and I'm hoping I'll call her when I might be freaking out and on the way to get the small cow (like say tomorrow evening right after our counseling session) so she can talk me down off the ledge!

Anyway - what's your plan??

7 comments:

tagyourit said...

I am taking two weeks to refocus on my eating and working out. I hope you have fun in Chicago.

Sandy Lee said...

I'm constantly recalculating. Just like the lady in my GPS. And just like her I no longer raise my voice or get mad. BUT--I can't wait to meet you in Chicago, dress or not! I wear pants.

Ronnie said...

Can't wait either!! :D

Cat said...

I know you're going to have a lovely time with all the gals in Chicago. So wish I was going to be there with you all.

So sorry that your marriage is in this situation dear. I wish I had words to make things better for you.

Linda said...

Let's do this thing. I need to email you about many things...

Stephanie said...

After eating nearly a whole pan of raspberry pecan bars over the last week (not all at once) and justifying it as I was only eating small bits at a time, I am needing to get refocused myself. I'm glad you are finding the focus you need and i can't wait to meet you at the airport!!!

Laura Belle said...

I love all the refocusing around blogland lately. I think life is life when we try to do the healthy thing. There's going to be potholes that we fall in, but it's climbing back out that really counts. And I also think that we, little by little, learn to step around the potholes until we are 99% healthy. (I won't say 100%, because no one is perfect. Well, except robots.)