Friday, August 5, 2011

BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!

It’s Friday so you know what that means here in Care Bear Land!

Yup, it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy!!!!!

We answer a few questions in an effort to get to know each other better and
to give our blogging brains a break.

Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

1. I’m going to pick a person in your life – not knowing if you have a good or bad, existing or non-existent relationship with them – and your mission is to pick 5 words or traits or thoughts to describe them.

Your paternal grandmother.
I love this one - I loved my grandmothers and it's always such a joy to think back on either of them and the beautiful women they were.  I was truly blessed to have both of them in my life.
amazing cook
hard on herself
struggled with her weight
big boobs

I think I got my fiercness and feistiness (along with most of the others) from her.

2. What’s your all time favorite color to paint your nails? And your toes?

Fingers - The color that looks best on my nails is a rich burgandy color, but depending on my mood and the season sometimes I go with pink or fuck me red.

Toes - I'm a little freer on my toes.  I like bright colors down there - hot pink, purple, maybe even a deep orange. 

3. Do you get along with your parents well?

Yes.  My mom is great.  She was always more a friend than a mom, but as I'm now an adult we've gotten to the place where that's just as it should be.  She's fun and silly and great to hang out with - this apple did not fall far from her tree (and my little apple, Jackson, did not fall far from his tree, me).  My dad - he's a little harder.  He's a very nice man with good intentions but he was and is just.. absent.  I made peace with our relationship a very long time ago and I see him several times a year and when we're together we get along great - but we're not particularly close.  It wouln't occurr to me (or him) to call if something great or terrible happened to either of us.  I try to remember to call him on his birthday and father's day and he probably wishes that he remembered to call me more.  When my kids were young I made a significant effort to "imprint" my dad and step mom on my kids until they were about two, knowing they'd never make that happen for all they wanted to be these amazing grand parents.  For those years I made sure the kids saw them about every 6 weeks. (we only lived about 20 minutes from each other).  Dad and Pat are always thrilled to see them, but without my specific direction it just doesn't happen.  They just don't have family skills.  My imprinting worked and my kids speak fondly of that set of grandparents - though at times they've been surprised to learn they lived so close.  A couple of years ago Jackson said to my step mom in all seriousness - "You live in MD??? Wow, was I wrong!  I thought you lived in NC"  Brad and I about fell on the floor keeping ourselves from laughing.  That was one of those beautiful "out of the mouths of babes" moments. 

So I'm sitting here going on and on about my dad with whom I've made my peace and it feels a little like "Me think thou doth protest too much"  but the reality is that my dad has been on my mind a lot lately as I think depsite my best efforts I married my dad.  Maybe it's just that Brad doesn't have any family skills.  He's a good man and he has good intentions - just no follow through.  Very much out of sight out of mind.  I might make peace with his skill level and I don't think I'll ever hate him, but I won't spend the rest of my life married to him if that's all he can give.

4. Speaking of rainbows – rank the rainbow colors in the order you prefer.


5. Repeat question. How was your week in real life and in blog land this week?

In blog land.  um... well... I suck.  Hi, my name is Read and I'm a bad friend.  Today is, I think, the first time I've been online all week.  I did try to get on yesterday and I think made it to Ronnie's blog - but I didn't even have a chance to finish catching up on her blog.  I got through Gilly's and OMG - I'm so amazingly excited for her - I'm on cloud 9 so she must just be out in the stratosphere.  As for everyone else - that's this weekend's project!!  I have just been running non stop trying to catch up from being away - which I'm totally not yet.  But it'll come... right??? I hope.....

Real life - well... I had the most amazing time in WY and CO with my friend Camille.  Someone told me she's my "e-friend" since I met her online - all I know is that she's my best friend and one of the best people I've ever been lucky enough to know.  Her family's pretty great too.  I guess that makes you all my e-friends too - I kind of like the term.  It's probably an old term that you all know, but I just learned it so I'm going with it!  We just hung out and as you all know from meeting other boobs - there wasn't an awkward moment - I was just heading over to play with my friend as if I do that all the time.

I cried almost the whole way home though - and it wasn't about missing Camille per se - it was about being in this insulated bubble of love and fun and support for 5 days and then heading home to where nothing's comfortable and the love is hard to see (well not relating to the kids).  And there's no support whatsoever to speak of.  Brad learned I was upset about coming home and saw that again as more proof positive that I hate him and don't want him around.  I said... Or it could just be that I'm sad about where our life is...

We had a big to do on Wednesday night that ended with me crying and leaving the house for a few hours.  I used the time to get the birthday shopping done for Teddy so it wasn't a total loss.  I'm sure all the clerks thought I was insane with the way my eyes were all red and just kept leaking - but.... eh.  When I finally came home Brad and I had a long talk.  That was good - but ... eh... who knows if he heard a thing I said - or if he meant a thing he said. We'll just have to wait and see.  In the mean time - I'm getting an IUD put in in a couple of weeks and am ready to begin to explore the openness of an open marriage (condoms will still be a must but I know I'll rest easier without the risk of pregnancy) - Hopefully Brad will still be on board with that.


Dawnya said...

I have nothing intelligent to offer. I just wanted to let you know that I love you to death.

Laura Belle said...

I agree with Dawnya. My brain is just not working. But know that I always hope the best for you and think about you getting your 'happy' life all the time.

Ronnie said...

I know how you feel about your dad, that's how my whole family is on my mother's side. I don't have anything bad to say about them per se, but nothing GOOD either. It's a strange feeling to have about people you're bound to by blood. Makes me sad.

Glad to see you back, and that you stopped by my blog. :D

And I hope you and Brad have a good talk about things again soon, and get some sort of agreement happening for your sake. Can't imagine what you're going through on that front. *hugs!*

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

I could have written that about my dad...and I can't wait to have a heart to heart in Chicago...xoxo

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Hang in there honey!!!! Hugs!!!

Cat said...

Awww Read, I'm thinking of you and the struggles that you endure. I'm wishing for nothing but stressfree happiness for you and SOON dear.

Also yay another orange lover! :)

Stephanie said...

Sending you nothing but hugs and love!! You know we've had out chats and I support you on every decision you make! You deserve to be happy, not matter what the dynamic may be with your relationship. My love and hugs to yoU!

Donut Butt said...

I am so with you on the marriage issues. I have been drowning myself with ice cream and crap, not blogging, and dog paddling in the middle of an ocean of denial. I'm on the fence about marriage counseling. We've been to 2 different counselors since January. I look forward to going but walk out an emotional wreck. Like I said, I'm eating a lot of Denial ala mode. We should seriously talk soon...can't wait to see you in Chicago.