Friday, July 1, 2011

BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!

It's time for BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!  A few questions we answer in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you wish.  Enjoy!!

1.  Let's stick with the
pictures/exercise and shoe topic and post a picture of (or describe) your work out shoes.

Unfortunately I'm at work at the moment and the shoes in question are at home so no pictures for me.  Currently, I'm wearing Nikes and the swoosh is pink - they're very cute.  Nike's wide shoes seem to fit me perfectly now.  I've gone back and forth between New Balance and Nike, and right now - it's Nike, but that could totally change.


2.  Again with the summer/hot theme of the week....what does your current swimsuit look like?

I have a couple - a brown one with a pattern on it, a solid navy blue one, a dark green one.  They all follow a similar theme.  They have deeply plunging necklines that show my girls off to advantage and I always wear swim shorts or a skirt, depending on the suit so as not to frighten the masses with my scary thighs.

3.  Do you lay out, fake bake, sunless spray tan or use tanning lotion?

I can't lay out.  When I was younger I would try, I swear.  I'd get out there.  Get myself all set up.  The chair or the sand just how I wanted it.  The towel just so.  The book... the drink...  the music... everything just right.  And then... I'd lay there.  About 3 minutes later someone would have to hold me down from killing myself.  I still have bald spots from the hair I pulled out.  I did manage not to kill all the people who look like they are actually enjoying laying about doing nothing in the sun.  I'm sure these are the same people who think weeding is relaxing.  Both things completely escape me.  I mean seriously.  Why would you lie down in the hot sun and sweat when you could lie on a cool couch and not?  (at least weeding accomplishes something, but those people are still nuts!)  I do enjoy being tan though, and watching my kids play sports all weekend long goes a long way towards that.  I will occassionally purposely choose a tank top to wear to a sporting event to allievate any farmer's tan I've got going, but that's as close as I come.
4.  Describe your week in blogland and in real life.

In blogland - I'm getting caught up, but I'm not there yet.  I was really, really behind.  I'm looking forward to the BOOBs challenge and was so thrilled to see that Justine's husband surprised her with a trip to Chicago!!!  How great is that!

In real life - eh.  We had our 1st counseling appointment.  (Wait, can I just say this is so not like me.  I’m not one to tell people what’s going on in my private life.  I’m a very private person about all things personal and here I am telling all you crazy bitches people my personal business.  I swear I’m gonna deny all this when I get to Chicago!  I do find though that it does help me; it’s both cathartic and often helps me get my thoughts straight – so seriously thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so supportive of my ranting and raving – not to mention for not running screaming in the other direction!!)  But... I guess we'll see.  I'm very glad we went and are going.  It turns out Brad is pissed as shit.  Like seriously mad.  I'm apparently a very mean and unfair person.  He's mad that I don't give him credit for all the wonderful things he does, mad that I refer to the repeated situations where he said he would do "X" and then didn't do "X" as examples where he lied to me (the nerve of me), mad that he feels he has to be defensive all the time, mad that I was mad at him and ripped him a new ass hole last year.  And no doubt the straw that broke the camel's back in our marriage was something stupid he did right after I had lap band surgery a year ago tomorrow - it was a perfect storm.  The thing he did was stupid - not mean or malicous. 

There's no doubt that it, in and of itself didn't deserve the intensity of my reaction.  But as I told him then and many times since then - it was the last straw. Lots of straw had been piled on that poor camel's back.  I'd been trying to get him to listen to me for years, trying to make him see there was a problem and he kept saying, I'll do this or that and then he wouldn't (which is not lying) which used to be just not who he was - his word was his bond.  It just happened to hit all the buttons I have and not only prevented him from being able to take care of me after surgery but required me to take care of him and to have pack up my son and take him up to camp and sign him in for his two weeks away which is a two or so hour process after more than an hour drive on a 104 degree day.  I had to stop for diaharea a few times up and there and back (as many of you can remember from the days immediately following surgery).  And I couldn't take any drugs, other than that disgusting liquid tylenol because, hello, I was driving not to mention I had my son with me.  I was in pain, nauseated, and miserable.  So it was one of the worst days of my life ever and it happened about 48 hours after I hit the recovery room from surgery and there's no doubt - it snapped my usualy control and I was pissed as hell and let him have it with both barrels.  So sue me.

I'm a little stunned that after this really shitty year we've had, where I've been all but begging him to do something - talk to me, go to counseling, do any damn thing.  That he's had all this amazing anger in there not making the slightest peep.  We've had the most passionless (and I'm not talking about sex though it certianly fits there too) marriage for a while now - and I'm sitting there next to him in that room and all this passion is just spewing forth from him and I was left dead shocked - not at the anger so much - but at the passion.  Like where the hell has that been.  You can't be happy in this passionless place we live while there's all this passion living inside you, can you??  He said lots of things that in my mind are just nuts, but that's ok too.  He latched on to a few things here and there that he's really fixated on and built up in his brain as I guess justification for all this anger.  I brought a copy of the post I wrote about our marriage on 5/18 because I thought it did a really good job of talking about where I was and how I got here and she had me read it aloud at the beginning - then 80% of the rest of the time was Brad being mad. 

When all is said and done, I liked the woman and thought she did a good job of highlighting the important stuff and I think it's a really good thing that he could begin to get that out of him - or at least begin to process that.  Mabye that will help.  We'll see.  I remain open.

14 comments:

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

I'm glad you guys had your first appointment. In my personal experience,I have found that men often think they are angry because they are not as in touch with their feelings as women are. What they are expressing as anger might be hurt but they don't know how to articulate it. Hang in there. We're here for you!

Dawnya said...

I'm glad the first session went well. Passion is good.

I agree with the beautiful Tessie Rose regarding men and their anger is just misplaced hurt.

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Wow - does he realize you'd have given your left boob to see some of that anger at home because it would have proved he at least had feelings or cared? I'm glad he felt safe enough to say it...this is a good step...stick with it. Love you.

Laura Belle said...

You are just amazing. To be that insightful about the way your husband is mad is awesome. Not everyone would react the way you do (uhem, me); they'd stomp their feet and tell their hubby that he's an ass and ruin just about everything. Its so great that you know why he's mad and how you feel about, but accept that there's bigger fish to fry, so you move on to fry 'em.

I know this situation is so tough right now, on you and your relationship, but I just want you to know that you seem to be handling it like a pro. And I just wish I had a fraction of the maturity and willpower you do!

Andrea said...

I don't think there is a person on earth who couldn't benefit from some counseling! Hope things continue to get better for you!

Cat said...

How very interesting and yeah, I have to agree with Tessie that men have no clue how to express themselves. It either comes off as anger or bravado most of the time. Keep up the counseling work dear, I beleive it could help and yes, we're all here for you.

FitBy40 said...

OMG< that's huge! I can't imagine what the car ride home was like.
Glad you two are finally in counseling and best of luck to you!

~Lisa~ said...

I'm glad that it went well at your first appointment. It is good to get things out, to express exactly what is going on deep down inside. My prayer is that now that some doors are open between you that you can find eachother again and walk through those doors together..

We're always here for you, and know that you and Brad are in my prayers...

Liz said...

Oh wow...while the first session was probably not so easy, it's opened the door. Hopefully he'll continue to get some of this stuff out. Thinking about you, lady!

Ronnie said...

Sun bathing IS super boring. Ugh. I wish I could do it.

Anywhoozle, I don't think I have any advice anyone else hasn't given, but I'm glad to hear the first session went well (passion is good, so I consider it a success!).

Have a great holiday weekend, ladybug. :)

Robyn's Nest said...

I am glad you two went to see someone and he opened up. That the first step. We are all rooting for you.

Stephanie said...

I'm glad to hear that the two of you went to counseling and that at least hubby has gotten emotional about something (even though he may be way off base). Gettin ghtings out there is what YOU deperately need and want and I am so proud of you taking this step to try and move forward.

Dinnerland said...

Such great news that you're trying counseling. Perhaps it is really good that Brad has such passion-- I think you've been complaining that he seems almost 'not there'-- isn't that right? Men are often afraid of strong emotions, and 'choose' not to have them.
Too bad they come out in passive agressive or other ways (hard drinking, cheating, angry driving...)
GOod luck with this process and give it your all-- you guys may really come out happy in the end and I wish it so!!

Bonnie said...

Sounds like things went very well. When Dave and I went to therapy years ago he would say the fakest nicey nice crap in front of the therapist and then with me he'd be the jerk that he was at the time. Glad Brad is being real and hope this helps bring you guys back together on a better level.