Sunday, November 14, 2010

TOM, oh how I love thee...

I love surprises!  While, so often you let me know you're coming with a week's worth of salty-chocolate cravings and the overall desire to consume anything that's not nailed down, sometimes you can't resist throwing me a little curve ball by just showing up.  Yippee!! (clapping hands).  I can't tell you how thrilled I was to discover you'd arrived when I took a second between serving cake and entertaining boring parents to run to the bathroom at my son's swimming themed birthday party.  So delightful to see you there brightening up my pink undies, I guess you though a little more color was needed, you big lug.  You just knew I wouldn't be the least prepared for your arrival.  I've got to hand it to you, you timed it perfectly.

Was the flexibility test a bonus or just a happy coincidence?  I'm not sure I would have been as capable 30lbs ago, but I had the last laugh on you for that one.  I was able to manage to keep both my pants and bare feet out of the dirty water on the swim center's bathroom floor while I got my pants and then undies off so I could do a little unexpected laundry there in the family bathroom.  And I didn't mind one little bit that when all was said and done my undies were a little damp.  It felt nice, so there (sticking tongue out), in the warm humid room to have a little private (all puns intended) cooling going on.

I've got to say the utter and complete exhaustion was a nice touch this month.  I don't know if I was spoiling your plans or not, but I did manage to get inside my house at about 6pm before falling asleep for the night.  (who does that?).  And now that you've made yourself known, I'm guessing it was all you that made that lone hash brown nearly kill me yesterday and made me have to take seemingly 1/4 tsp sized sips of my milk based protein shake this morning.

The water weight is a nice touch as well.  I ate almost nothing yesterday and managed to gain nearly two pounds over night.

And the pain.  I'm a pain slut, sure, but jeez this is awesome.  But again, I've dashed your hopes.  I've got seriously good drugs.  Sure, I'm a little spacey, and I'm not making much sense as I talk to people, occasionally walking into walls, likely to fall asleep in mind sentence, ready to tell the world I'm a pain slut, but I'm not doubled over anymore!  I win - I think.

11 comments:

Justawallflower said...

Now, I understand that women who work together all the time, or live in the same house, have their cycles sinc up, but is it possible that you can sinc up with those whos blogs you read? Seems many of us are nearly the same cycle!

Bonnie said...

Too funny! :D

Darlin1 said...

Ahhhh sweet relief!!

Silverhairedgoddess said...

Funny, Funny !

Band-Babe said...

Ah! The curse! Lovely even when expected. Exceptionally pleasent when it's a surprise! Hooray! Happiness... and then the drugs kick in...

Only a few more days... ;)

Lyla said...

I'm with you-- especially on the good drugs. I never thought there would come a day when I'd be forced to take Lortab instead of Advil :)

Stephanie said...

Aunt Flo is a total bitch. I think it should be legal to get Demerol over the counter at that time of the month. ilove your blog, BTW. Way funny!!

amandakiska said...

You are too funny!

Stephanie said...

LOL! Aunt Flo is due to arrive next week for me, so I'm dealing with this too. Great post! :)

TheCurvyCat said...

Hahah! Hysterical post!! :)

Stephanie M. said...

This is too funny! It reminds me of the "Have a Happy Period" letter to Always. Have you read it? If not, Google it. Hysterical!