I am dumb.
It's hard to admit that.
Smart is the thing I could always cling to.
But no. It's time to come clean.
I. Am. Dumb..... as rocks.
So... I was in CPR/first aid training all day today. It was fun and I'm all certified again, so that's a good thing. When we got there, there were bagels and muffins and just drank the chai latte (semi sweet) I'd brought and didn't have a one. For lunch pizza was brought in. I went across the street and got some chili from Wendy's. As soon as class was over I had to hustle over to the dentist because a crown came out yesterday and they were good enough to fit me in today. Then when I was done at the dentist it was just about time for Teddy to be picked up from chorus so I ran over there to pick up him, Matt, and Kevin. I dropped Kevin off and brought the other two home.
The plan for the evening was for Brad to take Teddy to his 5:00 baseball practice while I shoved some food into Matt (our neighbor and friend) and then took him to his 5:30 soccer practice as his parents needed some help. Then go back and pick Jack up from school and get him some food and then get him to his football practice at 6:30. Then Brad will come swap with me at Jack's practice and I'll take Teddy home when they get there.
So... I get home with the boys at 4:46 and I'm hungry. I had that chili at noon and now I. AM. HUNGRY. But I only have a few minutes and first I have to make a sandwich for Teddy - because did Brad have food ready for Teddy to eat in those few precious minutes.... uh, that would be a no. I get Ted some food, I get Matt some food. And I'm still HUNGRY!! What can I have that's fast and easy?
A protein shake? Yes! That's easy. That's fast!! protein shake... protein shake... protein shake... I keep those Special K shakes in my fridge for just such emergencies... Great idea!!
Uuuh no. That never even crossed my mind.
I know... I'll just inhale some more quiche since that went so well yesterday (not!). Yeah.... that's what I'll do. Quick, pull it out, throw some on a plate, get it in the nuking machine... quick quick. Time's a wasting! Chop chop (as my Grandma used to say). Get it out, grab a fork and dig in. The first few bites shoveled in go just fine. I'm so much more smart today than I was yesterday - today, I'm really, really chewing. I'll show you, Hilda. Snarf snarf snarf... barf barf barf.
And that's not the worst of it. Jesus Christ. I run to the bathroom. I throw up a couple of times, shaking my head the whole time. What the hell was I thinking... uh, that would be not a God damn thing. But then..... I threw up again and guess what... it went right up my nose too. Yup. Now that was pleasant. And there it stuck. Seriously, In. My. Nose. I finally had to blow my nose to get it out. Have any of you ever blown quiche out of your nose? Well I have. I bet you all want to be my friend now, don't you?!! And of course - then I had to go to football practice and smell and taste quiche the whole time. I am seriously the single coolest person I know. I know you are all completely jealous. I hope some of my vast awesomeness will rub off on all of you!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Ranting about no control and the weather...
I was just sitting here reading some blogs and it seems all you wonderful bloggers are sparking me to write my own tale of woe... or something like that so....
First I read Gilly's post about being out of control - and let me tell you - I feel her! I was having a good day - nothing exciting going on except I did notice that all day I was feeling a little bloated, but.. Tom's not coming for another week so... eh? whatevs. I packed my lunch like I always do and I ate the things I brought and all was right with the world until... duh duh duh. I got wrapped up in something later in the day and didn't eat my late afternoon snack like I usually do - but since I'd eaten lunch kind of late, I didn't think too much about it. I got home and I was h.u.n.g.r.y. Okay, no biggie, I made a yummy quiche last night - I'll heat that up lickity split and I'll be good to go. Yeah well.. That worked until that quiche did not want to stay down. I think there was a little too much lickity in my split. But, again... eh, move on. And then. Then! I remembered I had probably an avocado worth of that to die for guacamole made from the Dos Caminos recipe... yummmmooooo. And chips too - have you guys eaten the multi grain tostitos - they're really, really yummy!! Cuz after that quiche - I was still hungry, right...??? Not!
Then Brad realizes he put some frozen shrimp in the fridge a couple of days ago and he has to cook it. So I set about figuring out what to do with it and we make a modified version of scampi which I certainly didn't have much of, but I did eat it. Like a normal bandster's size. But as this was after the quiche and the guacamole and the rest of the chips - well I'm not sure that counts for anything at all. And then there was the ice cream.... And just plain.. holy shit. The way I was eating (and feeling for that matter) is very hormonal which I'm pretty sure is what's at the root of this, but still - I'm totally annoyed. This is one of those nights where I wonder what the band is doing in there. I ate the quiche too fast and it yelled at me for that. But it didn't mind the guacamole and chips (which I wouldn't expect it to), or the pasta and shrimp (which I would). My cycle has been doing stupid things for a couple of months which is a whole other thing to be annoyed about.
And just to continue on with that thought - the band. I do not ever want to be so tight that I have to seriously restrict what I can and can not eat. But I would like the band to speak up and remind me it's there from time to time. I want to be able to choose what I do, but I think a little tap on the shoulder (sometimes literally) is not too much to ask. And while the band, what's her name? Hilda I think. And while Hilda did express her dislike for my inhaling the quiche - that was the last I heard of her. Oh I even had a bite of pizza - which I totally had because I said to myself. I could totally eat that pizza right now - even after all this other shit I've eaten - what's that about. So I took a bite and I completely believe that I could have eaten five whole pieces, but I managed to stop after the one bite.
Okay - now let's talk about the weather. The lovely Amy W. sparked my thoughts on this matter, with her... we have to turn the AC on talk... Geesh. It was forty-freakin-one degrees here today. I live in MD. It should be 60, but nooooo. And while I can live with that and my heat on high and my fireplace roaring... I can't.. JUST FREAKIN CAN NOT live with watching my boys play their first 2 baseball games in 40 degree weather. Last Friday night they both had games. I was wearing jeans, thick wool socks, 2 long sleeve layers on top, my winter parka, gloves and a hat. I was totally annoyed I didn't think to bring a scarf... and I WAS FUCKING FREEZING. Seriously! OMG - that's football weather - didn't anyone tell the powers that be that it's baseball season! AND they both have games again this Friday and the high for that day is forty-fucking-one again. Their games are from 5 to 8ish. It's going to be 35 degrees by the time the games are over.
(right this very second my dog is burying himself under the covers of my bed to get warmer.)
The boys are going to be wearing even warmer layers under their uniforms this week!
I suppose as I keep reading blogs I could keep adding to this little rant - but I think I'll be done now. I hope you all are plenty warm enough wherever you are - and that you're not overstuffing your poor little bodies!
First I read Gilly's post about being out of control - and let me tell you - I feel her! I was having a good day - nothing exciting going on except I did notice that all day I was feeling a little bloated, but.. Tom's not coming for another week so... eh? whatevs. I packed my lunch like I always do and I ate the things I brought and all was right with the world until... duh duh duh. I got wrapped up in something later in the day and didn't eat my late afternoon snack like I usually do - but since I'd eaten lunch kind of late, I didn't think too much about it. I got home and I was h.u.n.g.r.y. Okay, no biggie, I made a yummy quiche last night - I'll heat that up lickity split and I'll be good to go. Yeah well.. That worked until that quiche did not want to stay down. I think there was a little too much lickity in my split. But, again... eh, move on. And then. Then! I remembered I had probably an avocado worth of that to die for guacamole made from the Dos Caminos recipe... yummmmooooo. And chips too - have you guys eaten the multi grain tostitos - they're really, really yummy!! Cuz after that quiche - I was still hungry, right...??? Not!
Then Brad realizes he put some frozen shrimp in the fridge a couple of days ago and he has to cook it. So I set about figuring out what to do with it and we make a modified version of scampi which I certainly didn't have much of, but I did eat it. Like a normal bandster's size. But as this was after the quiche and the guacamole and the rest of the chips - well I'm not sure that counts for anything at all. And then there was the ice cream.... And just plain.. holy shit. The way I was eating (and feeling for that matter) is very hormonal which I'm pretty sure is what's at the root of this, but still - I'm totally annoyed. This is one of those nights where I wonder what the band is doing in there. I ate the quiche too fast and it yelled at me for that. But it didn't mind the guacamole and chips (which I wouldn't expect it to), or the pasta and shrimp (which I would). My cycle has been doing stupid things for a couple of months which is a whole other thing to be annoyed about.
And just to continue on with that thought - the band. I do not ever want to be so tight that I have to seriously restrict what I can and can not eat. But I would like the band to speak up and remind me it's there from time to time. I want to be able to choose what I do, but I think a little tap on the shoulder (sometimes literally) is not too much to ask. And while the band, what's her name? Hilda I think. And while Hilda did express her dislike for my inhaling the quiche - that was the last I heard of her. Oh I even had a bite of pizza - which I totally had because I said to myself. I could totally eat that pizza right now - even after all this other shit I've eaten - what's that about. So I took a bite and I completely believe that I could have eaten five whole pieces, but I managed to stop after the one bite.
Okay - now let's talk about the weather. The lovely Amy W. sparked my thoughts on this matter, with her... we have to turn the AC on talk... Geesh. It was forty-freakin-one degrees here today. I live in MD. It should be 60, but nooooo. And while I can live with that and my heat on high and my fireplace roaring... I can't.. JUST FREAKIN CAN NOT live with watching my boys play their first 2 baseball games in 40 degree weather. Last Friday night they both had games. I was wearing jeans, thick wool socks, 2 long sleeve layers on top, my winter parka, gloves and a hat. I was totally annoyed I didn't think to bring a scarf... and I WAS FUCKING FREEZING. Seriously! OMG - that's football weather - didn't anyone tell the powers that be that it's baseball season! AND they both have games again this Friday and the high for that day is forty-fucking-one again. Their games are from 5 to 8ish. It's going to be 35 degrees by the time the games are over.
(right this very second my dog is burying himself under the covers of my bed to get warmer.)
The boys are going to be wearing even warmer layers under their uniforms this week!
I suppose as I keep reading blogs I could keep adding to this little rant - but I think I'll be done now. I hope you all are plenty warm enough wherever you are - and that you're not overstuffing your poor little bodies!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Jenny's been here - come see!!!
Can you stand it??? Look what Jenny did!!! I'm so in love with the new look. How cute is that bee and that turtle? OMG.
It's sort of like spring on steroids!!! So much fun!
If you haven't already, I totally recommend hiring Jenny to re-do your blog. What a fun, fun process!
Thank you so much!!
It's sort of like spring on steroids!!! So much fun!
If you haven't already, I totally recommend hiring Jenny to re-do your blog. What a fun, fun process!
Thank you so much!!
Friday, March 25, 2011
BYOC Bring Your Own Crazy!!!
In case it has escaped your notice….it is indeed Friday. And with Friday comes BYOC…Bring Your Own Crazy. Five little questions you can paste into your blog and answer in order to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blog brain a break.
Enjoy!
1. How do you handle criticism?
Um.... I internalize it and berate myself for hours/days/years. AND I stuff it tightly in a small compartment that only has an "in" hole and no "out" hole. Outwardly, I say the perfectly appropriate version of "thank you so much for pointing that out to me, I'll make sure I address that at once." Inwardly.. I throw up a little in my mouth - but of course I keep the smile perfectly in tact. You'd never know I'd been beaten to the core. It's one of the things I'm working on - being more honest in my reactions about all manner of things. I'm not sure criticism has made it to the top of that list yet, but hopefully it's moving up. Cuz - I know, I swear I do - it just is what it is. I'm not perfect, and I'm really, really okay with that. I'm good (in theory) with people, well people who I know like me giving me critical feedback. I think it's a natural part of life - 'think' being the important word in that sentence. One day I hope to have my feelings match - or at least meet - what my brain knows.
2. Who had or has had the greatest impact on your life?
OMG. OMG. OMG. This sucks. I don't know how to answer this, much to my own horror. This one sort of clearly points out the biggest problem with me - the one I'm trying to fix. I. Don't. Let. People. In. I don't let people touch me. I'm so afraid of something that I stay off to myself, while doing a damn good job of hiding that fact. At first I couldn't think of a single person I could write - but that's because I stand alone, damn it. But then I thought - okay, don't be stupid (okay people you are walking with me through my deranged mind here) Who are those closest - you are not a frikkin' island. Okay - Brad... He's been here for 20 years and he was the first one with the key to the door in the big wall that protects me and he knows not to use it unless it's an emergency. What's his impact? OMG! He has made me feel wanted and beautiful for the vast majority of those 20 years. And he's been my safety net that has allowed me to try things I might have hidden from. Holy Shit! (you have no idea what this is doing to me). Jen - She's been around almost as long as Brad and she has a key too. She was my first grown up friendship - really my first real friendship. With give and take and honesty. She's taught me that honesty isn't always easy, but it's always important, she's made me a better person. Camille - Camille doesn't have a key, because with Camille the door's wide open. Camille has made it easier for me to open the door a little to the rest of the world. She makes me feel more sane. Because I think my goal is to not need such a big door to hide behind - to be more a part of what's going on around me - that's a pretty damn big impact on me.
Of course, now that I've calmed down some from that freak show I just had there in that last paragraph - I think the real answer - over the long term - has to be my mom. I am her in so many ways. She's a freakin' goofball and I get that right from her. Her mind is wide opened and she's given me that gift as well. I've no doubt gotten all my fears from her as well. She doesn't know about my band and I don't know if I'll ever tell her, but other than that little fact - she'd love this blog - vibrators and all.
3. If you had a friend that spoke to you the way YOU speak to yourself – would you keep them as a friend and for how long?
Draz was in a serious mood today....
I actually don't think I speak to myself too badly. I have this overwhelming belief that if you're not going to solve the problem then don't complain about it. Sort of... put up or shut up. So - there's no sense in telling myself things - there's no sense in complaining. I don't believe in the negative - what's the point. I have to lose weight - I'm not blind, but I've never said or thought - OMG you are such a cow - or whatever is similar. OR You are such a bad mom. I know I'm not perfect at it, but I also know I do okay. Really - I hide any kind of mean self talk in one of those impenetrable boxes in the back of my brain. I don't believe in the negative without a solution so shut the hell up already. I don't tolerate it well from others so I don't tolerate it from myself either. But in the spirit of the question - if someone was mean to me in the way people are mean to themselves - no fucking way would they have access to me for more than those few minutes that it took me to discover that fact. End of story.
4. Do you think crying is a form or weakness or a form of strength?
I think it's both. (I started to type "it's definitely strength" but then thought - fuck that it can be both). I think it can absolutely be a form of weakness. There are absolutely weak minded little nitwits out there that use tears as their method of getting their way. Because they don't have the balls to say what they want or do what they want. (I think question #2 has shored up my kiss ass cloak for the moment). I have no use for people who use their tears for personal gain and I think those people are the epitome of weak.
But that said - in general - I think true, honest tears are a sign of strength. I think it takes balls, the big and hairy kind to be able to cry when you feel it. To be able to be vulnerable in any way - it takes trust and strength. When I was young I was told I was too shy and too emotional so I stopped being both, or rather I covered up both aspects of myself. People have a hard time believing I'm shy (except maybe Brad and Jen) to this day even though I think I do a much better job of being honest with myself and the world about how I'm feeling. I think 35 years or so of masking it has made the physical actions automatic. The words are always true now, but I think I walk into a room sometimes like I own it and couldn't be bothered by anything or anyone, when that isn't remotely true. I imagine someday my actions will match the words and the feelings. For probably 20 years, maybe longer, I wasn't capable of crying. I didn't know how - or maybe I only knew how to stop myself. In a sad movie, for instance, I would closely examine the exit signs if I felt even a little bit... something - I was going to type weepy, but it never, ever got that far - it was an automatic, knee-jerk response. I would just shut the rest of the world out - completely missing that scene of the movie while I slowly traced each letter and light and bit of each exit sign in the room. I had other tricks for other parts of life.
Eventually, sometime after I was married I started allowing myself to cry at hallmark commercials, or maxwell house soldier coming home from the war commercials. And it grew from there - now I cry at ANYTHING passionate (well not sex kind of passionate) but a kid going to kindergarten - that look in their eyes, or in their mom's eyes. I'm a puddle. Any wedding - I don't need to know the people involved. It's the emotion that gets me. The truth of the emotion; the raw, honest, place that it comes from. Maybe it's pure jealously as I never experienced any of those emotions during those moments of my own and now I'm making up for lost time by experiencing them along with every stranger I see. I can't take the kids to school on the first day each year cuz I am just a puddle and I don't want to scare my kids. OMG and then on the last day of the year in elementary school all the adults go outside and clap and cheer for all the students (and even typing that I'm totally tearing up). All the kids are so proud of themselves (the first tears just slid down my cheeks) for being promoted to the next grade - everyone's so happy. If at all possible, Brad goes to this for the same reason I skip the first day of school. Poor Jackson would think his mama's all sad when he's all happy.
I think my kids think I'm a crier and I'm so so so okay with that, I can't stand it. They've seen Brad cry a few times - like when he had to take our dog and put him down. They know crying is just as valid as laughing and smiling. It's just one of the many outlets to emotion that exist. It has it's place. And in my mind - that's just one sign that Brad and I are doing okay with our kids.
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Real life - I'm completely and utterly dragging. I have been all week long. For the second month in a row I'm having something like a mini-period between my real normal periods (I know you don't want to know this, but eh...) It lasts longer and is much, much lighter - but I swear I think it's affecting the iron levels in my body - because the last time I felt like this it was because I was anemic (is that the right word). Anyway, I left work early yesterday and after running some errands I fell unconscious at 7pm (7pm people!!) non of my family was even home yet from various places and I was asleep. I slept straight through till 7am. That's 12 hours. In a row. I'm going to go buy some iron today (assuming you can buy that) and I think I need to make an appt with a doctor. It's probably time anyway. And... the whole cycle thing - I think this must be the first sign of menopause, cuz I'm usually so damn regular. I think I should be unhappy or something about this, but I'm just too tired.
Blog life - hmmmm. People are so delightful in blogland. I continue to feel so lucky to have met all of you. The fact that I got to meet, in person, a bunch of you in NY on Sunday - well.. dude, I'm the bomb! There aren't enough hours in the day to read all the blogs I want to, but I do try.
Enjoy!
1. How do you handle criticism?
Um.... I internalize it and berate myself for hours/days/years. AND I stuff it tightly in a small compartment that only has an "in" hole and no "out" hole. Outwardly, I say the perfectly appropriate version of "thank you so much for pointing that out to me, I'll make sure I address that at once." Inwardly.. I throw up a little in my mouth - but of course I keep the smile perfectly in tact. You'd never know I'd been beaten to the core. It's one of the things I'm working on - being more honest in my reactions about all manner of things. I'm not sure criticism has made it to the top of that list yet, but hopefully it's moving up. Cuz - I know, I swear I do - it just is what it is. I'm not perfect, and I'm really, really okay with that. I'm good (in theory) with people, well people who I know like me giving me critical feedback. I think it's a natural part of life - 'think' being the important word in that sentence. One day I hope to have my feelings match - or at least meet - what my brain knows.
2. Who had or has had the greatest impact on your life?
OMG. OMG. OMG. This sucks. I don't know how to answer this, much to my own horror. This one sort of clearly points out the biggest problem with me - the one I'm trying to fix. I. Don't. Let. People. In. I don't let people touch me. I'm so afraid of something that I stay off to myself, while doing a damn good job of hiding that fact. At first I couldn't think of a single person I could write - but that's because I stand alone, damn it. But then I thought - okay, don't be stupid (okay people you are walking with me through my deranged mind here) Who are those closest - you are not a frikkin' island. Okay - Brad... He's been here for 20 years and he was the first one with the key to the door in the big wall that protects me and he knows not to use it unless it's an emergency. What's his impact? OMG! He has made me feel wanted and beautiful for the vast majority of those 20 years. And he's been my safety net that has allowed me to try things I might have hidden from. Holy Shit! (you have no idea what this is doing to me). Jen - She's been around almost as long as Brad and she has a key too. She was my first grown up friendship - really my first real friendship. With give and take and honesty. She's taught me that honesty isn't always easy, but it's always important, she's made me a better person. Camille - Camille doesn't have a key, because with Camille the door's wide open. Camille has made it easier for me to open the door a little to the rest of the world. She makes me feel more sane. Because I think my goal is to not need such a big door to hide behind - to be more a part of what's going on around me - that's a pretty damn big impact on me.
Of course, now that I've calmed down some from that freak show I just had there in that last paragraph - I think the real answer - over the long term - has to be my mom. I am her in so many ways. She's a freakin' goofball and I get that right from her. Her mind is wide opened and she's given me that gift as well. I've no doubt gotten all my fears from her as well. She doesn't know about my band and I don't know if I'll ever tell her, but other than that little fact - she'd love this blog - vibrators and all.
3. If you had a friend that spoke to you the way YOU speak to yourself – would you keep them as a friend and for how long?
Draz was in a serious mood today....
I actually don't think I speak to myself too badly. I have this overwhelming belief that if you're not going to solve the problem then don't complain about it. Sort of... put up or shut up. So - there's no sense in telling myself things - there's no sense in complaining. I don't believe in the negative - what's the point. I have to lose weight - I'm not blind, but I've never said or thought - OMG you are such a cow - or whatever is similar. OR You are such a bad mom. I know I'm not perfect at it, but I also know I do okay. Really - I hide any kind of mean self talk in one of those impenetrable boxes in the back of my brain. I don't believe in the negative without a solution so shut the hell up already. I don't tolerate it well from others so I don't tolerate it from myself either. But in the spirit of the question - if someone was mean to me in the way people are mean to themselves - no fucking way would they have access to me for more than those few minutes that it took me to discover that fact. End of story.
4. Do you think crying is a form or weakness or a form of strength?
I think it's both. (I started to type "it's definitely strength" but then thought - fuck that it can be both). I think it can absolutely be a form of weakness. There are absolutely weak minded little nitwits out there that use tears as their method of getting their way. Because they don't have the balls to say what they want or do what they want. (I think question #2 has shored up my kiss ass cloak for the moment). I have no use for people who use their tears for personal gain and I think those people are the epitome of weak.
But that said - in general - I think true, honest tears are a sign of strength. I think it takes balls, the big and hairy kind to be able to cry when you feel it. To be able to be vulnerable in any way - it takes trust and strength. When I was young I was told I was too shy and too emotional so I stopped being both, or rather I covered up both aspects of myself. People have a hard time believing I'm shy (except maybe Brad and Jen) to this day even though I think I do a much better job of being honest with myself and the world about how I'm feeling. I think 35 years or so of masking it has made the physical actions automatic. The words are always true now, but I think I walk into a room sometimes like I own it and couldn't be bothered by anything or anyone, when that isn't remotely true. I imagine someday my actions will match the words and the feelings. For probably 20 years, maybe longer, I wasn't capable of crying. I didn't know how - or maybe I only knew how to stop myself. In a sad movie, for instance, I would closely examine the exit signs if I felt even a little bit... something - I was going to type weepy, but it never, ever got that far - it was an automatic, knee-jerk response. I would just shut the rest of the world out - completely missing that scene of the movie while I slowly traced each letter and light and bit of each exit sign in the room. I had other tricks for other parts of life.
Eventually, sometime after I was married I started allowing myself to cry at hallmark commercials, or maxwell house soldier coming home from the war commercials. And it grew from there - now I cry at ANYTHING passionate (well not sex kind of passionate) but a kid going to kindergarten - that look in their eyes, or in their mom's eyes. I'm a puddle. Any wedding - I don't need to know the people involved. It's the emotion that gets me. The truth of the emotion; the raw, honest, place that it comes from. Maybe it's pure jealously as I never experienced any of those emotions during those moments of my own and now I'm making up for lost time by experiencing them along with every stranger I see. I can't take the kids to school on the first day each year cuz I am just a puddle and I don't want to scare my kids. OMG and then on the last day of the year in elementary school all the adults go outside and clap and cheer for all the students (and even typing that I'm totally tearing up). All the kids are so proud of themselves (the first tears just slid down my cheeks) for being promoted to the next grade - everyone's so happy. If at all possible, Brad goes to this for the same reason I skip the first day of school. Poor Jackson would think his mama's all sad when he's all happy.
I think my kids think I'm a crier and I'm so so so okay with that, I can't stand it. They've seen Brad cry a few times - like when he had to take our dog and put him down. They know crying is just as valid as laughing and smiling. It's just one of the many outlets to emotion that exist. It has it's place. And in my mind - that's just one sign that Brad and I are doing okay with our kids.
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Real life - I'm completely and utterly dragging. I have been all week long. For the second month in a row I'm having something like a mini-period between my real normal periods (I know you don't want to know this, but eh...) It lasts longer and is much, much lighter - but I swear I think it's affecting the iron levels in my body - because the last time I felt like this it was because I was anemic (is that the right word). Anyway, I left work early yesterday and after running some errands I fell unconscious at 7pm (7pm people!!) non of my family was even home yet from various places and I was asleep. I slept straight through till 7am. That's 12 hours. In a row. I'm going to go buy some iron today (assuming you can buy that) and I think I need to make an appt with a doctor. It's probably time anyway. And... the whole cycle thing - I think this must be the first sign of menopause, cuz I'm usually so damn regular. I think I should be unhappy or something about this, but I'm just too tired.
Blog life - hmmmm. People are so delightful in blogland. I continue to feel so lucky to have met all of you. The fact that I got to meet, in person, a bunch of you in NY on Sunday - well.. dude, I'm the bomb! There aren't enough hours in the day to read all the blogs I want to, but I do try.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Could I be in denial???
Here I am, most of the way through and E.N.T.I.R.E. full sized plate full of egg noodles and cheese (and some other stuff). Maybe it's not the salad that's kryptonite? Maybe I just need a fill? I've only had a couple of bites here and there of pasta since surgery - cuz I was told not to eat it as it will fill the pouch quickly.... um... not so much.
I sometimes struggle to eat yogurt and cottage cheese and chicken and... well anything really; soft or hard. But, if I am in a mood to eat I seem to be able to get it down, whatever it may be and however much of it there is. I made this plate and I said to myself - "hey dorko, did you forget you have a band? There's no way you'll be able to eat all that." And I replied "eh, I'll stop when my band tells me to" Yeah well, it's mostly gone and the band has remained mute on this point.
I did just get up and throw the rest away - not because I couldn't eat the rest, but because I was grossed out by the concept of what I'd already eaten, let alone the rest.
I read Linda's post today about being motivated even more since she got back from the NY Brunch. She totally rocks - but man, for me - I've been basically eating non stop since I got back. I had that seriously to die for guacamole two nights in a row for dinner. (and it's not like I skipped the chips). And then the noodles tonight. Good god, someone stop me!
But back to the denial.... I'm thinking that despite the fact that there are lots of times and lots of things I struggle with eating at any given time - the fact that I can clearly eat WAAAAY more than 1 cup (let alone 1/2 C) of food some of the time is a sign that I need a fill. What do you all think? Or is it just that the band is fickle?
I sometimes struggle to eat yogurt and cottage cheese and chicken and... well anything really; soft or hard. But, if I am in a mood to eat I seem to be able to get it down, whatever it may be and however much of it there is. I made this plate and I said to myself - "hey dorko, did you forget you have a band? There's no way you'll be able to eat all that." And I replied "eh, I'll stop when my band tells me to" Yeah well, it's mostly gone and the band has remained mute on this point.
I did just get up and throw the rest away - not because I couldn't eat the rest, but because I was grossed out by the concept of what I'd already eaten, let alone the rest.
I read Linda's post today about being motivated even more since she got back from the NY Brunch. She totally rocks - but man, for me - I've been basically eating non stop since I got back. I had that seriously to die for guacamole two nights in a row for dinner. (and it's not like I skipped the chips). And then the noodles tonight. Good god, someone stop me!
But back to the denial.... I'm thinking that despite the fact that there are lots of times and lots of things I struggle with eating at any given time - the fact that I can clearly eat WAAAAY more than 1 cup (let alone 1/2 C) of food some of the time is a sign that I need a fill. What do you all think? Or is it just that the band is fickle?
Monday, March 21, 2011
Mini BOOBs?? (not me)... BOOBs 1.5??... NYC Brunch
Seriously! Could that have been more fun? I'm not sure it could have been - I guess it could have if those who couldn't make it from around the world had been there too.... I'll just have to wait for Chicago for that!
Though I was totally in denial about it, I was completely nervous about going. I had hives on and off for all of last week, but completely pretended they were just odd groups of mysterious mosquito bites - not stress induced hives. Nope. Not me.
Bonnie, Linda, Angie, and I took the Mega bus up and despite the obscene hour had a perfectly lovely trip up. We were a little early and wasted some time getting coffee and walking up and down the street in the sun until the restaurant opened. AND THEN!! Guess what? They can't serve alcohol in NYC before noon. I don't know if that's just on Sunday or what. But what??? they stop serving at I'm guessing 4 or 5 am and then must wait till noon. Totally funny to me. (thought definitely not at that moment as I seriously wanted a drink.)
We had some seriously yummy guacamole and chips, cuz we're all seriously health conscious like that! I was telling my friend Camille about the guac and she immediately Googled it (as she is the undisputed Google queen) and this link is a chef at Dos Caminos talking about making it and the recipe is as follows:
* 2 tablespoons finely chopped cilantro leaves
* 2 teaspoons finely chopped white onion
* 2 teaspoons minced jalapeno or Serrano chilies, seeds and membranes removed, if desired
* 1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt
* 2 large ripe avocados, preferably California Haas, peeled and seeded
* 2 tablespoons cored, seeded, and finely chopped plum tomatoes (1 small tomato)
* 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lime juice
This is a bad picture of the beautiful Vanessa reaching for their seriously yummy guacomole.
I had to enlarge to the nth degree as this picture was really of a bunch of people in the bar with Vanessa way in the back - but it was the only one with their guac in it and it was seriously good!
Guess what I had for dinner tonight!!!!!
It was so easy to make and so so so so good!!!
I was lucky enough to be sitting with Bonnie on my right and Gilly on my left and Carmen and Jen across from me with Linda and then Joey on the other side of Jen. Sooo much fun!! It's not like I wasn't already madly in love with all these women, but now... seriously... I can't stand it. They were all just exactly as I thought they'd be and I had just so much fun laughing with all of them. The connection was immediate as if we're all old friends.
At one point Joey was saying that it was sort of like meeting celebrities - as in you've seen their pictures and know what they look like and you know all this info about them - like you were on the lookout for some other famous bandy people. It's totally true. I swear I totally came to New York so I could be in the presence of the celebrities Joey and Gilly and all those other wonderful woman who's journeys I've been following. And I got to meet several others who's journeys I'll soon be catching up on!
Speaking of celebrities...
After brunch we went back up to the bar we saw Lindsay Lohan. She was just standing there texting. Susan just leaned over and asked.. Excuse me, are you Lindsay Lohan? Lindsay totally denied it, but I've decided to believe it was really her and she just didn't want to tell us and really, that's okay right? She totally deserves privacy and anonymity in her life... she's such a sweet girl.
On the drive home, poor Linda had to endure my singing as I was in a totally mellow mood and just had to listen to some Zach Brown band (and a little Steel Magnolia's too).
I didn't get to spend time with everyone, but everyone that I did get to talk to was - to a person - absolutely delightful. Warm, real, generous, open, funny-as-shit and just plain lovely! You know, everyone says how women are these mean catty bitches - and I'm here to tell you (though I know you already know) that this community is filled with nothing but support and praise. What a lucky girl I am!
And okay - this last picture of me and Carmen was taken on my phone just as we were leaving. I was at my drunkest and have no idea who took it - it was a total surprise - I was so excited - when I got home and found it there as I was showing Brad the pictures. I've also determined that, clearly, I need to have all my pictures taken when drunk because while Carmen is as beautiful as she always is - I look great in this picture - all tan and whatnot when I'm really white as a ghost.
Though I was totally in denial about it, I was completely nervous about going. I had hives on and off for all of last week, but completely pretended they were just odd groups of mysterious mosquito bites - not stress induced hives. Nope. Not me.
Bonnie, Linda, Angie, and I took the Mega bus up and despite the obscene hour had a perfectly lovely trip up. We were a little early and wasted some time getting coffee and walking up and down the street in the sun until the restaurant opened. AND THEN!! Guess what? They can't serve alcohol in NYC before noon. I don't know if that's just on Sunday or what. But what??? they stop serving at I'm guessing 4 or 5 am and then must wait till noon. Totally funny to me. (thought definitely not at that moment as I seriously wanted a drink.)
We had some seriously yummy guacamole and chips, cuz we're all seriously health conscious like that! I was telling my friend Camille about the guac and she immediately Googled it (as she is the undisputed Google queen) and this link is a chef at Dos Caminos talking about making it and the recipe is as follows:
* 2 tablespoons finely chopped cilantro leaves
* 2 teaspoons finely chopped white onion
* 2 teaspoons minced jalapeno or Serrano chilies, seeds and membranes removed, if desired
* 1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt
* 2 large ripe avocados, preferably California Haas, peeled and seeded
* 2 tablespoons cored, seeded, and finely chopped plum tomatoes (1 small tomato)
* 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lime juice
This is a bad picture of the beautiful Vanessa reaching for their seriously yummy guacomole.
Guess what I had for dinner tonight!!!!!
It was so easy to make and so so so so good!!!
I was lucky enough to be sitting with Bonnie on my right and Gilly on my left and Carmen and Jen across from me with Linda and then Joey on the other side of Jen. Sooo much fun!! It's not like I wasn't already madly in love with all these women, but now... seriously... I can't stand it. They were all just exactly as I thought they'd be and I had just so much fun laughing with all of them. The connection was immediate as if we're all old friends.
At one point Joey was saying that it was sort of like meeting celebrities - as in you've seen their pictures and know what they look like and you know all this info about them - like you were on the lookout for some other famous bandy people. It's totally true. I swear I totally came to New York so I could be in the presence of the celebrities Joey and Gilly and all those other wonderful woman who's journeys I've been following. And I got to meet several others who's journeys I'll soon be catching up on!
Speaking of celebrities...
After brunch we went back up to the bar we saw Lindsay Lohan. She was just standing there texting. Susan just leaned over and asked.. Excuse me, are you Lindsay Lohan? Lindsay totally denied it, but I've decided to believe it was really her and she just didn't want to tell us and really, that's okay right? She totally deserves privacy and anonymity in her life... she's such a sweet girl.
On the drive home, poor Linda had to endure my singing as I was in a totally mellow mood and just had to listen to some Zach Brown band (and a little Steel Magnolia's too).
I didn't get to spend time with everyone, but everyone that I did get to talk to was - to a person - absolutely delightful. Warm, real, generous, open, funny-as-shit and just plain lovely! You know, everyone says how women are these mean catty bitches - and I'm here to tell you (though I know you already know) that this community is filled with nothing but support and praise. What a lucky girl I am!
And okay - this last picture of me and Carmen was taken on my phone just as we were leaving. I was at my drunkest and have no idea who took it - it was a total surprise - I was so excited - when I got home and found it there as I was showing Brad the pictures. I've also determined that, clearly, I need to have all my pictures taken when drunk because while Carmen is as beautiful as she always is - I look great in this picture - all tan and whatnot when I'm really white as a ghost.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thanks!!!
To whoever it was that taught me to keep ziploc bags and napkins in my car. 'nuf said.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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