Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I don’t have another appointment with my doctor for 6 more weeks (he’s extremely stingy as a fellow patient aptly put it with his fills.) (I don’t love him, we’ll see how long I stay with him, but that’s another story.) Since I had some restriction and since getting too much of a fill scares the holy bejeezus out of me, I’ve been sort of trying to decide if this was going to be a good place in which to hang around or should I try to convince him I need a bit more in there when I next see him.
But then… poof. It’s gone. I’m back to thinking I could eat anything. Okay, that’s not entirely true. Before, I was sure I could, in fact, eat anything as fast as I wanted – in bites as large as I wanted. Now I think that if I chewed thoroughly I could eat anything. I am definitely feeling satisfied much longer than I did before – so it still might be the right kind of place for maintenance – but it’s a little (okay a lot) too early to be thinking about that. But I'm back to wondering if it's really there or is it just in my mind that I need to really chew this well.
Anyway – I will definitely be pushing for a fill next time I’m there. I wonder if I might decide to call him sooner than six weeks from now. I don’t feel like I’m in bandster hell at the moment, but if it could go poof this much so suddenly, perhaps I’ll be back in hell in another day or two…
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Every time. And I do mean every single time, I want to say… uh, no, it’s just that we all look alike to you. I’m short and fat and have longish hair. That’s all the similarity there needs to be. But man, if Aunt Sue’s hair happens to be either curly or red (it’s not necessary that it be both) – we were, in fact, separated at birth.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
So lately, of course, I noticed they were getting pretty roomy and I've been half-heartedly looking around my closet to figure out just where I put the smaller ones because in the not too distant future I'm going to need them - right?
Well on Friday I wore the brown one to work. I was rushing around like a madwoman trying to get in a bit early. I threw it on as I was simultaneously putting on earings and drying my hair - you know how it is... I was still adjusting things as I ran out to the car and flew to work.
When I got there I was walking back towards my area and that's when it finally dawned on me... Uh... perhaps I should have paid just a bit more attention to my outfit this morning. I detoured into the bathroom and determined that if I sort of balance it just so on my hips it wasn't going to actually fall off. But I absolutely could not put anything in my pockets or it just might. Every time I stood up all day long I had to surreptitiously adjust it so it was balanced correctly again and every single time I did that, I'd chuckle and remind myself it's a good problem to have!
Needless to say when I got home on Friday afternoon I found the XLs and they fit just fine.... Thanks to The Curvy Cat for reminding me to write this post!
Friday, September 24, 2010
I was 212.2 this morning which is down 1.6 for the week and 22.8 in total. And I hit my next small goal and this one was important to me.
Overall I feel really good about this though it took some effort this week to get there. Generally, I'm a once a week weigh in kind of person but as I mentioned earlier I'm still struggling with which day will be my "official" day - which of course is totally ridulous and I know it, but eh... it is what it is. Also, I have some friends who weigh in every day and they think it gives them a better sense of what's going on with their body. What kinds of things effect their weight; time of month, different foods, time of day, etc... They also feel it keeps them more accountable to see what's going on in real time. I'm not convinced this will be a good idea for me in the long haul, but I have been testing it out of late and weighing myself every day.
This has been both good and bad - though I think overall it's been good, but it took some mental effort on my part for that to be true.
I have done this before in my life - spent several weeks weighing myself every day so I wasn't surprised by some of it, but other parts have been annoying. There have been several weeks or even stretches of weeks where my weight just wouldn't move off of a single number; 221 for example - I spent 2 1/2 weeks between 221 and 221.8 - totally annoying.
This week it happened again. I started last Friday with 213.8. Great. But I had a goal that I really wanted to reach of getting below 213 so I was extremely diligent this week as I only had 1 lb to go. I counted calories and protein grams and water intake and was absolutely spot on with my intentions every single day this week; in addition to exercising in 3 times this week. My weight for the week was;
Sat 213.2 - ok good, down is good - almost there
Sun 213.8 - really? come on, I'm so close, let's not play this game again
Mon 213.4 - ok, down again - almost there
Tue 213.0 - ok, down again - it should be tomorrow - if it's not, I swear I'm going to go back on liquids for the rest of the week. No - don't do that - you know you're doing all the right things - this whole losing thing is just math - nothing more than that and you know you are taking in less than you are expending so at some point your body has to realize this is true. Keep eating like you have been. There was a LOT of self talk on Tuesday, but I convinced myself which was probably the real victory for the week.
Wed 212.4 - YAY! I made it, but as my body has really liked 213, I wonder if I'll go back there tomorrow?
Thu 212.4 - eh, whatever at least it didn't go up
Fri 212.2 - down again - good.
So while I am in fact thrilled to be below 213, I think I'm more pleased with myself for not freaking out and going to only liquids for a few days to get there. I ate healty every day. I got in enough protein every day. I took my vitamins every day. I ate somewhere around 1200 calories every day. I exercised three times (I did intend to do more, but I'll take three times). I listened to my body and was pleased to not be hungry between meals (I love my last fill.)
So on to the next week and my next goal of 25% of the way there is only 2.2 lbs away!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
But as I had my surgery on a Friday, I've been weighing in both Mondays and Fridays. Generally speaking I don't do well if I weigh in all the time, or even two days per week but because I'm so obsessive about certain things I just haven't been able to choose one day over the other yet. So.... For right now Friday's are my day.
My highest weight was 251 about four years ago. I lost 75 lbs through diet and exercise from that point but then slowly regained 60 lbs going back up to 235 before deciding to get banded. I'm 5'2" and counting 235 as my current starting weight.
Last Friday (9/17) I weighed in at 213.8 down from 216 the week before. A loss of 2.8 lbs for the week and a total of 21.2 lbs total.
I'm 20% of the way there - woo hoo!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I think I feel it more in the mornings, but I'm not sure. If I opt for something liquid; chai latte, or a protein shake of some sort I definitely feel it, but it seems if I eat more solid food, like cheese or even a protein bar, it's not as pronounced which of course makes no sense to me.
I just had attempted to eat a wasa cracker with a piece of lite swiss cheese and a few pieces of honey ham. I chewed and chewed and chewed and after several bites I got that 'ouch that hurts' feeling in my chest. I've never had anything come back up or really even feel like it might. But I have gotten since this last fill the feeling that soemthing's stuck - sort of right behind my sternum - and if feels like I've got to burp or something - or really, as if I burped I would feel tons better, only I can't or don't burp. After a few minutes during which I can feel things moving around in all kinds of uncomfortable ways the pain becomes less acute and goes away a few minutes after that. I threw the rest of the cracker away but finished the ham and cheese.
I really have no idea if when I feel that I should read it as one of the following?....
Hey you idiot, you're full - stop eating!
Uh, yeah, that was a little to fast there dorko, perhaps you could slow down??
Back away from the food and no one will get hurt.
Generally, I am trying to go with - the 'you're full' choice and just immediately stop eating, but today I went ahead and finished the ham and cheese because I didn't think there was any way I'd eaten too much at that point. I didn't have any further uncomfortableness, but seriously, I don't know what this means... I truly hate when I feel stupid.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
I decided to have lap band surgery. It had been in the back of my mind for a while and I mentioned it to my husband in maybe October or November of last year - almost in passing. But then in January I decided to do it. I found a doctor who I don't particularly like - I believe he's good medically, but he's very stiff - hard to get information out of. Husband and I both agreed we were looking for a doctor that he could connect with and I could deal with. I don't do people well and am more likely than not to not be able to communicate well with someone - I apparently speak my own very special language. The doctor we picked fit the bill and I jumped through all the hoops necessary and got the procedure done on July 2nd.The recovery from the surgery was not that big of a deal (which is a darn good thing as husband threw his back out and I had to take him to the emergency room about 36 hours after I got home from the hospital - and then you know how men are when they aren't 100%) with the exception of the left shoulder pain I had. Apparently there can be diaphragm inflammation during this type of surgery and in some patients that results in pain in the top of the left shoulder. In my case the pain was severe and lasted more than three weeks. I’m sure part of my problem with it was that it hadn’t been expected. My doctor later said it was rare and usually very minor, which may well be true, but it was a little frightening when it was happening. I absolutely considered having it removed (the band not the shoulder), but ultimately it was the lovely people on the internet that came to my rescue. I finally wizened up and googled it and found all kinds of people talking about the same pain and how it lasted for weeks with some but it did eventually go away. And it did for me too – phew!
The first month
I weighed 230.2 on the morning of my surgery. With my doctor I was on liquids for a week then mushies for a week. I lost 5.6 lbs the first week and 3 lbs the second week and 2.6 lbs in the next 4 weeks. And those 2.6 lbs were due to a constant struggle. I had no restriction whatsoever. I began to think that they didn’t really put a band in there. It was all a ruse. They had just made some cute little lines on my stomach, but that was it. In that time I experimented with different things I could eat and didn’t find a single thing I couldn’t eat. (well, I’m not allowed to eat bread, pasta or rice for 6 months so I didn’t eat any of that). I was sort of hoping there would be some ‘help’ coming from the band, but so far I wasn’t convinced it was really there.
Fill number 1
I got my first fill at the 6 week mark. He added 2cc to bring the total up to 3cc. I did liquids for 48 hours and mushies for 48 hours (though still not completely believing it really existed, I'm not sure how perfect I was during this time) and then waited to feel something…. uh… not so much. Not a darn thing. I will say, I’m generally a rule follower and my doctor’s practice doesn’t have many rules which I’ll admit puts me a bit outside of my comfort zone. They do have some rules... They want me to avoid the things I mentioned, eat protein at every meal and eat it first getting 40-60 grams of it, take a vitamin and calcium every day, drink at least 8 glasses of water and exercise. Beyond that they want me to make good choices. When pressed they might say the same kinds of things a Weight Watchers leader might say… eat plenty of veggies, avoid sweets, but they really want to stick with the “make good choices” line. So the lack of any kind of restriction was difficult for me as I now know it has been for many, many others. On several blogs I’ve read it’s described as band hell. Which is apt as I spent much of my time during the first 10 weeks thinking I was insane. Or that truly they hadn’t actually installed a band in me, or that it slipped out of position, or something else along those lines. I am very lucky to have a good friend who has had a band for several years and who’s mom is the patient advisor (I’m sure I don’t have that quite right) for a leading band surgeon. And occasionally we’d discuss it and she was clear with me that I needed more fill as there should be some restriction.
A month later I had lost 1 additional pound and I got my second fill of another cc bringing the total to 4cc. (this was one week ago today on 9/9/10) My doctor reported that it felt very tight, though as I’m writing this I have no idea what the capacity of it is, It’s on my list to find that out.
Well, now I know what restriction is. Phew. It’s really there. I’m not sure if it’s the right level or not yet, but we’ll see. I’m so very thankful to have this whole network of bloggers out there. It took me far too long to go looking for it (hitting self on side of head). I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before now, I love blogs. Of course there would be wonderful related blogs out there.
Anyway – that’s my band history up until today.
Posted by Read at 10:17 AM