Monday, June 17, 2013

Trust.... clarified

I got an email today from a close friend telling me my “Trust” post made her worry about me – she wondered if I was okay – sure something was wrong in my relationship.  I’m sorry I made her worry – but nothing could be further from the truth.  All is moving along beautifully.  I’m happy.  Peace, calm, love, intensity… it’s all good.  I have, however, found myself truly fascinated by the human spirit.  I was immensely skeptical that we’d ever find our way back to trust.  But what I’m learning each day is that we can. 

Is it all the way back?  Nope.  Will it be the same when it’s all the way back?  Nope.  Will it be something strong and valuable?  Yup.  Can it work?  Yup.  Might it not work out?  Sure and I might get hit by a bus on the way home tonight too.  Who knows what the future will bring?  But I am awed by the human spirit.  I am awed by the lessons the world brings to your doorstep.  Some are lovely and some suck shiny white asses.  But they are all valuable.  And the key is not to lose sight of you – of who you are and what’s most important to you.

Never in a million years did I think my marriage would end, but it has (for all intents and purposes).  It’s not his fault.  Maybe it was all my fault, I don’t know – but I know he didn’t fight for me, for us.  I know that hurt me – I know that shapes some of how I see the world now.  I know he hurt my trust receptors too.  But, I also believe with all that I am – I am where I’m supposed to be right now.  It wasn't easy getting to this place, but I’m awfully glad I’m taking this journey. 

The fact that I can say “I do trust” is amazing to me.  It’s not perfect.  There are still wounds that are not yet healed.  There will always be scars, but I do trust and that’s miraculous.  How is that possible with what I watched?  With what I experienced?  I don’t know.  I just know that it’s coming back and that’s a beautiful thing.


Steph said...

I am so very happy that things are good in your world. You deserve such happiness and I'm glad you've found it!! Hugs!

Beth Ann said...

I'm happy that you are happy. Happy isn't always easy.