Friday, April 13, 2012

BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!

It’s Friday! That means it’s time for Drazil's BYOC. Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

1. Whether you’re a parent or not….what do you think the appropriate age is to talk to a child about “the birds and the bees”?

Well… Actually I like the idea of younger… 10ish.  Though that only happened with one of my kids.  I am a firm believer in answering any question that is asked and letting the child direct their learning on this subject – however… again – that only worked with one of mine.

Picture this…. I’m flat on my back laying on ice having thrown my back out slipping on the ice when my then 10 year old oldest son comes into my bedroom and locks the door and says;

Mom, I keep hearing on the radio that parents should be talking to their kids about sex; let’s talk.

Me: (while not passing out) okay, sure.
(I was IMing with my friend Farrah at the time and I’m sure I said something like – holy fucking mother of god, I am not ready for this at the moment.

I started with… ok, well do you know what the word sex means? – nope, he tells me.  So I described in clinical terms what it meant and then… my lovely and extraordinarily inquisitive child (this and his looks are the only things he got from me) proceeded to ask me more and more specific and pointed questions for the next 45 minutes.  He kept asking more and more follow up questions to understand every damn thing; up to and including how the menstrual cycle works with respect to timing a pregnancy.

The whole time I was dying inside but maintained an air of … ‘this is a perfectly normal conversation to be having’ on the outside.  Finally I had enough though when he asked me;

“so, how does it feel when the penis goes in and out and in and out of the vagina?”  I was totally cooked by that point and said; “I don’t have one honey, so you’ll have to ask daddy that question.  I know it feels good, but beyond that, I just don’t know.”  (can we say… pass the buck)

Then… poor husband who is putting child B to bed is blind sided by the eager 10 year old.  Dad, I have a question for you that Jason is too young to hear.  Dan hears the question and comes into our room and closes and locks the door… hey wait, this feels familiar.  WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING THAT CHILD!?!?

Tom had follow up questions for me the next day that included… “exactly what position are the man and the woman in when the penis is in the vagina?”  This was as I was driving the boy to school and luckily I did not drive off the side of the road.  Flashing through my brain were all the possible answers to that question when I finally gave myself a mental bitch-slap and described the missionary position thinking - he’s on his own for the rest of them!!

2. What’s the color scheme in your bedroom?

As is true in my entire house – green (sage-y in this case), red (burgundy in this case) and yellow (more a … deep, brown-y yellow in this case).
3. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use on your hair?

I use Deva products for curly hair and I love them!!.
4. And since it’s nearly summer time…do you paint your own toes, go some place for pedicures or not paint your toes at all? What’s your fave toe color?

My toes are always painted and I love a good pedicure, but often do it myself because I never get around to making an appointment.  I painted mine just the other day a very crayola type purple.  I am a little crazier on my toes than my fingers – but still not all that crazy – I don’t do blues or greens, so it’s usually hot pink, or red, or orange or purple.
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week!

It’s been a good week for the most part.  I’ve watched some friends go through some hard times and that’s been hard to do from afar.  We were very hectic this week with Dan gone for three days and having some sort of sports practice each night.  The weekend only continues… baseball game tonight at 5, then another one tomorrow at 8am, flag football at 2:30 and we’re skipping Tom’s 5pm soccer game and he’s going to the Wizard’s basketball game.  There’s talk now that we’ll all be going, but am not yet sure about that one.


♫ Drazil ♪ said...

OMG - #1 cracks me the hell up! Love it.

FitBy40 said...

Oh Lord help me when my kids start asking questions because I KNOW I will not be able to hold it together like you did. I think I just might die!

Holly from 300 Pounds Down said...

hahahaa that first answer was kind of hilarious!