Saturday, December 10, 2011

Oh how I worry about that boy...

Just to refresh your memories... Tommy is 13.  He's taller than me, which admittedly is not saying much, his voice is lower than my husband's and that is seriously saying something, he's hairy as shit and this still freaks me the fuck out, he wears shoes bigger than my husband.  He's a big strong boy.  He's very bright in the book smarts kind of way and dumb as a rock in the common sense kind of way.  We love him, but (shaking head)... sometimes I just don't know what to do with him.

So... let's see, I guess it was about two weeks or so ago that Tommy notified me that the shampoo that he and his father both use had run out.  (both boys insist on using our shower so it's full of all manner of hair care products).   Okay dear, I'll get some more next time I go to the store - perhaps next time you might want to alert me it's getting low before it's actually run out.... Yes mom.

Well in the intervening time we had a big Christmas party and seriously I could not have cared less if Tom had his particular brand of shampoo as I was preparing for a shit ton of people to come into my house.  So fast forward to last night and Tom is taking his nightly shower.  He storms out to me, half dressed.

Tom: MOM!  (with great reserve) Will.  You.  Please.  Take.  Me.  To.  The.  Store.  So.  I.  Can.  Buy.  Some.  Shampoo.

(I'm sort of impressed he's changed his tune a bit to now want to participate in the shopping trip vs. assuming I'll take care of it for him.)

Me:  Sure, honey.  I'm sorry I haven't gotten it yet, I just haven't been to the store (since the party).  It's on the list, I promise I'll get it the next time I go.

Tom:  (completely put upon) Fine.  Whatever.

Me:  (trying not to laugh)  Baby, just use something else, it'll be fine for a few more days.


Me: um... Babe?  what have you been using all this time (in your nightly fucking showers???)


Me:  uh... Babe?  Have you not washed your hair in all this time???

Tom:  THERE'S NO SHAMPOO IN THERE!!  (as if I didn't hear him the first time.)

Me:  uh... Babe?  What do you think I do with my hair every morning?

Tom:  (deer in headlight look)

Me:  Oh my God child.  You have to wash your hair every time.  Let's go look so I can show you all the other fucking shampoo in the fucking shower.  What do you think your dad does?  Do you think he hasn't washed his hair in the last two weeks??  And seriously - do you think I haven't washed my hair???  What about your brother???  Oh my God!

We make it into the shower and the first thing I point out is the Johnson's Baby Shampoo - which Tommy used to wash his hair for his whole life except the last few years.

Me:  uh... Babe?  You had to know this was shampoo as you used it your whole life until recently!!!!

Tom:  I thought that was body wash.

Me:  OMG  Child - seriously - you could use body wash too - the goal is to get soap of some sort on your hair so it becomes clean.  But baby let's look, shall we.... this is shampoo... this is shampoo.... this is shampoo.... You can tell because it actually has the word SHAMPOO on the bottle... (FUCK!!!)  Let's open this closet here, shall we....  Oh look here's a whole big huge bottle of your favorite shampoo - right here, front and center.  (Fuckity fuck fuck fuck)

Tom:  Oh.. hmmm, that'll work.

OMG - He has my hair - only it's light brown, so it's usually puffy and curly and I LOVE it long.  But if it gets too long some of the curl comes out of it and it looks a little stringy and straight - I was totally thinking he needed a haircut because his hair was looking a little longer and straighter than normal.... Uh... Guess what??  The next morning his hair was all puffy and curly again.

Man do I worry about that child.....


Sarah G said...

hahaha bet I'll be having that same conversation with my boy in a year or two. :)

Dawnya said...

Hilarious!!! I love these stories.

XBIGJIMX said...

you sure my kid didn't stop by your house :)

FitBy40 said...

I'm pretty sure he's some how related to my husband. They have the same brain!

Sandy Lee said...

My son figured he didn't have to brush his teeth if he used mouth wash. It was months when I found out. Ewww.

And he actually steals my shampoo although when he turned 25 he started buying Head and Shoulders. My hubby doesn't give a sh!t because he's bald.

Just to recap. It only gets better (worse?) with boys.

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Hahahaha! This reminds me of a shampoo story I should tell.

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Our son would stand in the shower using ALL the hot water and never touch the soap or shampoo. No wonder he always smelled like a billy goat!

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

I have 4 teenagers in the house. I find out there's no shampoo or soap when there's nothing but empties lining the floor of their shower and my stuff is missing! I hope I live long enough to see them all as parents!

Laura Belle said...

HAHAHA! Hilarious! I'm on the floor because he is JUST like my little brother!!! Michael would open up the fridge and be like, "MOM! I can't find the milk!!!" Just open your F*ing eyes, it's on the second shelf, like it is EVERY DAY!

HAHAHA. Still dying!

Amanda Kiska said...

OMG!!! Too funny!

Ronnie said...

Oy. I have so much to look forward to. So glad I have final say over what goes on during bath time... for the moment.