Normal (sort of) family things...

A little Jase-ism

The beginnings of a text thread between me and my 11 year old.

Me: Hello my little minion, how are you? (I was about to have him do some laundry for me).

Jason: Fine, my big master. (I swear that still makes me laugh!! God I love this kid)

 Just another evening….

Dan’s away and he texts me at 7pm on Sunday night that he’s boarding soon and asks me to find khaki shorts for Jason so they can all go golfing at 8am the next morning. Uh… sure, except I’m not home and this seems just a touch late to make sure he has clothes for the place you’re taking him on Monday morning. (not to mention I’m nearly sure the boy doesn’t have any golf appropriate clothes – he lives in gym shorts). So I get home at about 8:30 and go searching for golf clothes and sure enough no appropriate bottoms – pants or shorts – to be found. Great.

I let my fingers do the walking… er typing… and discover Ta*rget is opened until 10pm – Bless them. At 9:07 Jack and I race out the door, thankful we don’t live in Rawlins where Target wouldn’t be an option… though I guess neither would golf…, get to Target and try on the Large size shorts and they are too tight for Jason so we grab up the extra large, which are going to be too long on him, but whatever. (he’s in the I’m about to grow stage so his middle is a little bigger than normal). And are out of Target inside of 10 minutes.

This morning when he put the shorts on for the first time – I swear they are really Capri pants on the boy. Sigh. I rolled them up a few times and off they went.

 Educational TV

So… Jason and I get back from the store and Tom is watching the movie Dodge ball. I’m pretty sure Jason shouldn’t watch this after about 30 seconds. I don’t care so much about that kind of thing for Tom who’s heading into high school in the fall – but I have him turn it off and he switches it to Avatar and they watch that until it’s time for Jason to go to bed. Dan’s home by this time and puts him to bed. As soon as he’s gone Tom turns Dodge ball back on… whatever, it’s near the end.

We watch the end of the movie and there is a little chemistry between two of the characters and after they win the big prize (sorry if I just ruined the movie for you) the man and woman, Peter and Kate, are sort of flirting with each other in a way that seems pretty clear they are about to finally kiss and head off happily ever after when a new woman, Gwen, emerges from the crowd. Kate is thrilled beyond belief to see Kate and they embrace and passionately kiss… seriously passionately. (this was really fun to watch with my nearly 14 year old son sitting across the way).

Then one of the other men says to Peter “see, I told you she was a lesbian!” And Kate turns around and says “I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual!! And proceeds to go over and kiss Peter just as passionately.

Yup – this was a great little educational program to watch with Tom. Who just looked at me and burst out laughing and went up to bed. What he did behind his closed door – I do not want to contemplate.

A couple of pictures - first, all three boys...

Then Jason in action

THREE things for a Saturday...

So... thing number ONE.

I went and picked up my 13 year old from two hours of soccer practice today.

T: will you put the top down? (he likes to have it down in front of his friends)
Me: No
T: Oh man, why not?
Me: It's 59 degrees (which is almost doable but damn cold if you have to be on a highway which we did).
T: whine, whine, whine
Me: Stop it now.
T: yes ma'am. (he's a very smart boy)

But then...  Oh. My. God.  That boy smelled AWFUL!  I mean, truly, truly awful.  It was stunning!  I couldn't take a full breath without wanting to die.

Me: Good God, you smell awful.
T: (with the sweetest, most proud smile he has) yeah, I know.
Me: OMG
Very erratically I pulled the car to the side of the road and put the top down.

Never in my life, have I been so happy to own a convertible. 



Thing number TWO

Band the wonder dog strikes again.

The idiot dog is outside barking his head off which, as we all know is not an unusual thing, and he's totally ignoring my calls from the window (which works about half of the time).

I head downstairs to get him inside.  He ignores me when I call from the slider in the kitchen (that works 90% of the time).  Did I mention I hate my dog?  I go out to the railing of the deck to see what he's barking at and I'm treated to my mean little dog doing battle with a little garter snake.  He kept grabbing the poor snake and whipping it ferociously back and forth.  Unfortunately, by the time I'd gotten out there he'd totally beaten the thing into submission as there was blood and guts being whipped around as well.  It was really delightful.  I'm so happy to own this dog, have I mentioned that lately.  Every few seconds he'd pounce on the thing that was now just about in two pieces and start whipping it back and forth again before releasing it and jumping back out of the way.  Again and again he did this until there were seemingly two snakes.  ICK!!!

I will say this is only the second time I can remember that Band managed to do something disgusting while the husband was home - so I can thank him for that as I was able to get Dan to come down and get rid of the dead and bloody snake pieces while I took the idiot dog in for a bath so we could wash the snake blood and guts off of him.

So... how has your morning been?

Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure...

 

The best picture we could get of the blood on the stupid dog's back

Thing number THREE

Husband is cleaning out his closet.  This is LONG overdue.  Last weekend he took out all non-clothes items.  It took hours.  He has a nice sized closet, but it's not all that huge.  He bagged up 12 pairs of tennis shoes to give away, kept two as back ups (not the normal ones he wears, just back ups) and threw two pairs away.  And that was just tennis shoes.  Also in there were dolls action figures, presents we hadn't given the boys, books, comic books, and just all manner of other things.  There ended up being three large trash bags full of give aways from the first weekend.

Today he's working on his shirts clothes.  He has filled four large trash bags full of shirts he no longer wears - let me repeat that.  FOUR LARGE BAGS of shirts to give away.  (I'm still shaking my head).  It's sort of watching one of those little cars where a million clowns all pile out.  Every time I think he has to be done he pulls out more - it's just crazy.

After he got rid of the four bags of shirts (that makes seven LARGE bags to be given away - seven!) there were still so many shirts left it was ridiculous.  I swear he has enough to not have to do laundry for at least three months.

Some more pictures... of the shirts he is keeping!  This does not include the ones he gave away.  My husband is a pack rat.

Tonight's Jase-ism

I'm at my computer at one end of the kitchen table and Jason is at the other end doing his homework.  He looks up and is staring at me for a few long minutes and then said....

You look so weird right now because you're wearing what you'd sleep in (I have on gray sweat pants and a pink long sleeve t-shirt) and really fancy earrings (just some drop earrings I wore to work today) and your awesome new glasses (I love my kid).  If I put my hand in front of my face and only look at your head you look like a librarian, but if I put it down you look like a mom (said with much derision).  He lifted his hand again and said... (in a funny high squeaky voice) "look it's Ms. Sypanski" (the school's librarian).

(shaking my head) he's so my kid...



Then... the husband asked Jase if there was anyone else he wanted to invite to his party and he said yes - Will Smith.  I just stared at my kid, because I had no idea if he was making a joke or not.  He started cracking up and said - really... that's the name of a kid in my class.  I said - ok so you're not talking about the rapper?  Dan said - he's hardly a rapper.  I said - he used to be one.  And Dan said all horrified.... that would be like describing Shatner only as an actor.

Oh the horror.