tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74362795435821225462024-03-05T21:54:05.760-08:00My Trek DownwardRandom thoughts about living with a band, weight loss, and life in general....Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.comBlogger325125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-33482214054006319442014-07-05T06:25:00.002-07:002014-07-05T06:25:30.242-07:00You have to start somewhere.
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:128;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:fixed;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:128;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:fixed;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin-top:0in;
margin-right:0in;
margin-bottom:10.0pt;
margin-left:0in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
.MsoPapDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
margin-bottom:10.0pt;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
-->
</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
small.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I set a goal and I met the goal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It frightens me in ways I don’t understand,
but I’m happy I did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went for a
walk to a particular street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s all I did, but man, you’ve
got to start somewhere, right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On my walk I learned... ok didn’t learn… was reminded in no
uncertain terms about how out of shape I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s pretty bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But again… You’ve
got to start somewhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So while lying
in bed I decided to set a goal – I have a long and unhappy relationship with goals
– I was going to walk to a particular cross street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know how long it is, but it’s more
than a half mile, so I knew I’d be walking more than a mile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the last little bit to the cross street
is a solid down hill – which is great, except I was going to turn around at the
street and head back home which means a good solid up hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the past I’ve stopped at a mailbox just
before that hill – afraid of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But… I
decided while lying in bed I was going to go to the street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not like the hill will kill me, right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It took roughly 5 minutes for me to start thinking about
just going to the mailbox.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever I “start”
walking again, the outside of my lower legs will sometimes… seize up… they hurt
a lot and they get rock hard. I’m not sure what it is exactly, but from
experience I know that after my body gets used to walking again, that’s the
first thing that goes away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On some
level I welcome the pain – because I know it will go away and I’ll have a
measure of progress I can mark. So that was going on on my left leg. And on the right side, my foot hurt. I had a car accident on Monday. Just a little fender bender - that totally destroyed the front end of my car - and starting on Tuesday my right foot hurt a little. I've chalked it up to the accident as I was 'standing' on the brake pedal with that foot at the point of impact. It's hurt on and off for the rest of the week, but usually it's been one of those things where when I first stand up and start walking it hurts, but as I keep walking, down the hall, down the street, whatever - it loosens up and is fine. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During my walk it hurt the whole way, but not terribly. Enough to notice, but not so much that it was really hindering me. As I got closer to the mailbox I decided I could make it to the street. It was my goal and I want to learn to set and work towards and achieve goals - and this was just a little one. Both my legs hurt in different ways, but it wasn't terrible. I'm terribly out of shape so it makes perfect sense my body would be trying to convince me to go back and sit quietly on the couch, but you've got to start somewhere and it's just a couple blocks further down to the street past the mailbox. So I past the mailbox, kept my head down and made it to the street and back. Yay me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, by the end of the walk, the outside of my left leg had mostly loosened up, but my right foot continued to hurt and started to hurt a little more. I turned a corner and could see my shadow and noticed I even seemed to be limping a little which I absolutely didn't want to be doing. So I worked hard on walking steadily and evenly and not limping. I was nearly home by then and made it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, my foot seems to have continued to get worse. I got inside and my poor foot seems to have given up. So here I sit with my foot on ice, having ingested several advil, hoping I'll walk again. (No, I'm not dramatic.... much).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So... you have to start somewhere - that's my new mantra. We'll see where it leads me.</div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-54160065844228783262013-08-15T09:39:00.001-07:002013-08-15T10:07:17.820-07:00For how long can you love a mirror?While playing on Pint#r#st - to which I'm entirely addicted - I saw this great quote that reminded me of an old friend.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"You can't just sit there and put everyone's life </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ahead of yours and think that counts as love."</div>
<br />
It just doesn't and it's so true and so important. <br />
<br />
I know people out there that think - truly deep down believe - that putting someone else's wants first, before their own, is proof of love. Intense love. Unconditional love. Forever love.<br />
<br />
I believe, however, that if you only do what the other wants. Only do and try and compromise so that you can be whatever or whoever you think the other person wants you to be, that you are not showing love, but showing them a mirror. For love to truly work, there needs to be give and take. There needs to be two individual people with differing points of view who know themselves well enough to know where their own lines are. Once you start compromising yourself... once you start going against your own gut - especially in the name of love - there aren't two people any longer as one of them fades and turns into a mirror. <br />
<br />
In some ways it's easy to love a mirror because everything you see is what you want, but in another way - it's nearly impossible to <i>keep</i> loving a mirror because there's really nothing there. It's hallow. It's just a mirage. Nothing is there to hold on to, to push against, to test things with.<br />
<br />
Knowing your own limits and your own mind and heart and wants and needs certainly doesn't mean you can't and don't compromise with those you love. Of course you give things a try just because <i>they</i> want to try it - or at least seriously consider it - but you come at it as your own advocate first and foremost. If your goal is to make your relationship stronger, making your partner happy is certainly part of that. But doing things that make you unhappy can't be part of that, because that just means you are no longer part of the equation. It's just your partner and their reflection. I'm not sure what that is, but I don't believe it's an example of love - neither of yourself or your partner.<br />
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-32115299660062054212013-06-28T19:43:00.004-07:002013-06-30T12:24:33.910-07:00Ten Things Thursday.... (yes, I know it's Friday. So sue me.)<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1) A conversation with Jason;</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Jase: Mom (said with utter derision), my friend said he didn’t know what Snakes on a Plane was about.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Me and Jason: laughed out loud</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Jase: So I told him it was about horses.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Me: laughed some more</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Jase: on a boat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He is so my kid!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2) I just learned my kids' laptops do not have netnanny on them. It was an absolute requirement for their computers. It did not occur to me that I had to make sure Dan also added it to their laptops - that they can TAKE INTO THEIR ROOMS AND CLOSE THE DOOR. The day I learned of this Dan tells me that Tom had slept until 1:30 and I said - that's because he was up till 3 watching porn. Dan, being uncharacteristically not smart, said - yeah, probably.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3) I can not get used to having to take Jason to camp
in the morning, or to picking him up in the evening. It more than
doubles my commute time to and from work. I’ve been late to work each
day I’ve had to do it. And I’ve made plans after
work on two different nights that I can’t possibly make it to in time.
I have gotten up twice and gotten on the treadmill… but still.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4) Every day this week we’ve had tornado watches and
warnings and severe thunderstorm warnings. Some days there has even
been a little rain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
5) That reminds me of a couple of weeks ago. There were terrible storms here in MD and tornado watches and warnings all over the damn place. I think three small ones ended up touching down. I'm sure some of you live where tornadoes are a little more common - but here in MD it's a pretty rare thing. We live in hurricane country, not tornado country. But... the problem with this particular day was that my sister and I had gone down to Annapolis to go to our dad's retirement party and her husband was locked away in a meeting and Dan was away on a business trip. My kids were at our home and her kids were in a big warehouse of a building at gymnastics practice. My house has a basement that's half underground and we'd talked about what to do before, but first Jason calls me crying because they've just announced on TV that there's a warning in our town and he needs to seek shelter now and he's more than a little wigged out. Luckily he misheard - the imminent warning was for a different place outside of DC. But my sister is madly driving home while I'm scanning the skies for tornadoes we would want to avoid while reading the alerts on my phone and looking at the radar - and calling my older son and telling him where he needs to be in the house and that he needs to keep Jason with him. (not a conversation I enjoyed having with him). Before we got to her girls the fear had subsided as all the storms were well to our south - but that was not my favorite trip from Annapolis to home.<br />
<br />
<br />
6) Tommy is going to camp for two weeks on Sunday and I've been encouraging him to pack. He's got a list. This is the 6th year in a row he's gone to this same camp. He's nearly 15 freaking years old - He's plenty old enough to make this happen on his own. Finally on Thursday I come home and he's all proud of himself for having gotten all packed. I just want to review it with you, he says and then I'm good to go! Great, eventually I head upstairs to change my clothes and he calls to me on my way up.... uh, sorry about your bed. Yeah.... every inch of my bed was covered in piles. There were more piles of more things all over my floor. Everywhere. Stuff.... just everywhere. I did not handle it well at all. I slammed a few doors and hid in the bathroom until I managed to collect myself. Let's focus more on how proud I am that he got it all pulled together and less on where he chose to do it. I only ended up about 45 minutes later to bed than I intended. There were no piles on my bed. There were, however, four thousand piles on the floor. Finally tonight we got everything loaded into duffel bags and he wanted to make sure he could carry it all on his person.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUFDb0rOrvnuAtbhLnsyKlu0U0vJfcuE40T6ONGZuYADcJPjKOxbWIDRamhchnCXCB_U9tPwz1XQ1HUncovY-hsun5AUDPTaHqTDNNg6BTZh4l5nDzww4bYHTQRnfACfs0x0_N7I5R0xVl/s1600/tedbag.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUFDb0rOrvnuAtbhLnsyKlu0U0vJfcuE40T6ONGZuYADcJPjKOxbWIDRamhchnCXCB_U9tPwz1XQ1HUncovY-hsun5AUDPTaHqTDNNg6BTZh4l5nDzww4bYHTQRnfACfs0x0_N7I5R0xVl/s320/tedbag.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He could.</div>
<br />
<br />
7) Jason, with his newly short hair, forgot to put sunscreen on the tops of his ears and they got seriously burnt. As in blisters. That he popped. Ouch!!! Poor baby!!! <br />
<br />
<br />
8) Someday I think I will have a clean room - but I'm not sure when.<br />
<br />
<br />
9) The other day on the way home a car pulled right into my lane hitting the side of my car. Shit! I got out expecting to see all manner of damage to the drivers side of my car and instead finally figured out that we'd managed to just hit mirror to mirror. It pulled both of our mirrors away slightly from the body. I decided to just drive away and feel lucky.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_hhwSGp9vHySw5Cd0augeAs77ucoUWwRVxvh78tOB-bKKX2BHQvT-TZIyezpkDBPCdIZWFDPzDbbJYimHr_uVZwaXjrmseGOP11wCJywifP9MWzH7-6x11gDifBMU3rK0hToOy3Nw3TPm/s1600/mirror.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_hhwSGp9vHySw5Cd0augeAs77ucoUWwRVxvh78tOB-bKKX2BHQvT-TZIyezpkDBPCdIZWFDPzDbbJYimHr_uVZwaXjrmseGOP11wCJywifP9MWzH7-6x11gDifBMU3rK0hToOy3Nw3TPm/s320/mirror.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
10) ok - only 9 this time.Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-63442952912132093622013-06-24T13:25:00.001-07:002013-07-02T07:54:50.376-07:00A little story about Jack and Jill...<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once upon a time there was a couple (Jack and Jill) who’s
marriage was failing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They decided to have
an open marriage in hopes of ending the cold war and finding their way back to
being friends – an odd method for some, but many other methods had failed and
it wasn’t all that odd for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jill met
a man (Kip) online who was also in an open marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jill liked him and that he was in a similar
situation and they met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turned out
that for Kip it was only open in theory until Jill, but he told his wife
(Kelly) it was open in practice within a few weeks and after the initial shock
she was completely open to the idea.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In fact, Kelly wanted to meet Jill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They met and became fast friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Kelly hoped that Jack would want to have a similar relationship with her and that they could have a nice little group, though Jack was disinterested in any additional connections in his life at that time. </span>Kelly claimed to love Jill in her life, and in
Kip’s life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> And for a while the three of them got along famously. Jill really liked Kelly and enjoyed their friendship. Eventually</span> to Jill,
it seemed that Kelly wasn’t really comfortable with Kip having this ongoing
relationship with her so she offered to stop seeing Kip because she genuinely liked Kelly and was
concerned Kelly wasn’t as comfortable with their intertwined relationship as
she claimed she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kelly repeatedly
asked her not to leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Repeatedly told her
she loved the new energy and freedom that Kip showed now that Jill was in his
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jack did enjoy meeting both Kip and Kelly and going out with them a couple of times but was utterly indifferent to Jill and Kip’s relationship; he wished her a good
time each time she left to meet Kip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Kip also sensed that Kelly wasn't comfortable with Jill in their lives and immediately offered to stop seeing Jill and Kelly was very angry that Kip would offer such a drastic option and insisted that she loved Jill in their lives and anything he was sensing was just her adjusting to everything. Kelly said that to offer such a drastic option made Kelly feel as though Kip was trying to silence her.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Upon reflection, Jill believes she never would have
suggested an open marriage if she wasn’t already done, in her mind, with her
marriage to Jack, though she didn’t realize that at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jack and Jill did find their way back to
being friends, but their marriage is over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jill is not exactly sure whether the same was true for Kip and Kelly. Maybe Kip, too, felt his marriage was over, but hadn't yet come to terms with that, clearly Kip was looking for something that was missing; spice? connection? Only Kip knows the answer to that. And only Kelly knows the answer to why she so firmly encouraged the relationship between Kip and Jill. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jill only knows what she heard
and saw from both Kelly and Kip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kelly
embraced the openness of their marriage and found several new friends to spend time with; some also in open relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jill got mixed messages from both of them over time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From Kelly she periodically got the feeling
Kelly wasn’t always okay with their arrangement, but then Kelly would repeatedly assure
Jill she was and she would consistently demonstrate how comfortable she was
with their arrangement by working to ease Jill's worry and by finding additional ways for Kip and Jill to spend time alone together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes Kelly would say their new
arrangement was difficult to adjust to and other times she would talk about it
being the best thing that ever happened to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Kip reported he got similar mixed messages from Kelly, though Jill doesn’t
know if that’s true or not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">From Kip, Jill got a constant pull.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had an intense immediate connection with
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over time Kip's struggle with his own marriage became more pronounced. He talked about wanting
a future with Jill more and more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jill
fell in love with him and was open to the idea, but wasn't sure that was a viable option and certainly knew it was very premature to even think about. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">As time went on, Jill
believed that the issues that originally had Kip wanting an open marriage
became more clear to him and he became more certain that he no longer wanted to
be married to Kelly. Kelly also began to report that she didn't think she could
stay married to Kip. Kip stated he loved both Kelly and Jill. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kelly stated she loved both Kip and Jill.
Jill was overwhelmed by the constant drama and wanted out and pulled away from
them both. Jill urged Kip to discuss what he wanted with Kelly; to be open and
honest with her. Kip was afraid of the fallout from those direct conversations
and instead of being direct and dealing with what needed to be dealt with he
hedged and hinted and swayed back and forth with Kelly. He pushed and pulled
and pushed and pulled. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jill remains
confused by his behavior, she assumes Kelly does too. Jill does know that Kip
was emotionally abused by his father and badly bullied throughout school –
including by friends of Kelly (they went to high school together and Kelly told
Jill that the worst of the bullies were people in the outskirts of her high
school crowd) – and she assumes he was terrified of the conflict as his early
years had taught him conflict always ended badly for him. Jill thinks it’s
possible that Kelly’s association with the high school bullies may have played
a part in his fear of painfully truthful conversation with her as well, but is not sure
of that. </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Kip did not handle the exit
of his marriage well. He was not always fair or nice to Kelly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jill is not sure how Kelly was treating him
during that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Jill believes Kelly decided
she couldn’t handle the push and pull Kip was giving her and decided she
was going to leave their marriage, though Jill is not sure of this. Kelly never
talked to Jill about any of this and Jill was surprised when she discovered
that Kelly had unfriended Jill and blocked her on FB. Jill was sad about that, but certainly understood
how she could be a reminder of a painful situation. Kip struggled with Kelly’s
decision. He told Jill he was both relieved it was ending and sad he was losing
such a good friend. Kelly moved out of state for the summer before moving into
an apartment in the fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For several
months his inconsistent behavior with Kelly also bled over to his relationship
with Jill until she had enough and also left Kip. Jill and Jack remained good
friends but decided to get a divorce.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
<u1:p></u1:p>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">After Jill had left and Kip
had pulled Kelly back again there was a big tell-all conversation with Kip,
Kelly, and Jill; where Kelly and Jill shared all the truths that Kip had hidden
or lied about. It was quite an evening and forever referred to as ‘that night
in the gazebo’. In a moment of insanity, Jill took Kip back at the end of that
night after he’d looked Kelly in the eye and told her he didn’t want to
continue in a marriage with her, that despite pulling her back, he wanted a
relationship with Jill. Kelly still
wanted to maintain a close friendship with Jill. Jill wasn't sure that was
healthy for any of them.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Jill was extremely cautious
about this new chapter in their relationship. Their connection remained just as
powerful – but she didn’t let him in as she had before. She also laid down
several conditions that needed to be met in order for her to truly give it a
try again; all of them for her own protection. The biggest and most important
was for him to figure himself out. To understand what allowed him to behave the
way he did. He readily agreed to her terms and worked hard to get centered and
healthy. Jill believes you can’t truly offer yourself to someone else until you
can be whole all by yourself. And she believes Kip did not believe in his own
worth and that until he truly did, he would continue not to be the man he
wanted to be.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
<u1:p></u1:p>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Nearly a year after that
night in the gazebo, Kip and Jill are still together and Kelly is still living
in a near by city and his daughters report she is thriving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With one big exception three months after
that night, things between Jill and Kip have been good and calm and happy. It’s
taken this long for Jill to begin to relax into Kip again. She sees the work he’s
done. In the first few months after that night in the gazebo she watched him
fall apart and start to put himself back together. It was gut-wrenching to
watch as well as fascinating and impressive as hell. But it’s taken this long
for her to realize she was still holding her breath in a lot of ways. Jill
spends a great deal of time with Kip, but has still been keeping him at bay to
some extent. For the last year, she treats her time with him as… something like
“her other life”. As if she has two distinct lives; both real. But in no way
connected. Both Jill and Kip have children and Jill was firm about not wanting
to drag their children into an ongoing drama. She believed that if and when
they were truly in a good and calm and happy place they could bring their
children into the mix. For her – that really meant – truly mixing her two lives.
It took this long –but finally she’s ready. She’s ready to breathe again.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-89085935162299853752013-06-20T08:26:00.000-07:002013-06-30T12:26:52.986-07:00Ten Things Thursday<span style="font-family: Calibri;">1) My baby boy had 5 – count them, 5 – teeth pulled yesterday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was supposed to be 6, but last week he
fell and landed face first on the edge of the couch and one fell out – so yay
for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were all baby teeth and
at 12 ½ they still just didn’t want to come out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of them weren’t even remotely loose and
they were threatening to make his otherwise straight adult teeth start to wig
out and think about staying where they were or coming out in all kinds of crazy
angles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did great – probably better
than his mom.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2) A little conversation with 14 year old Tommy<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tom: Mom, I need some new
clothes hooks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Me: ok, I just found a couple
the other day, they are hanging over my door. (pointing to bedroom door right
in front of me.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tom: (walks over and stares,
confused, at the over the door hooks)… (looked a little more)… (went to a
different door to look at other hooks)… (looked a little more)… (then, I swear
to God, you could see the little light bulb go off over his head.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t mean those kind of hooks, I need the other kind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Me: ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What other kind?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tom: (acting this out with his
hands) You know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kind that is a
triangle with a hook on the top.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Me: (doing my best to not fall out
of the chair laughing) Uh… you mean hangers?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tom: yeah, that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sigh<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
3) <span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know that “Good enough” is really good enough – so why
is it called that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My marriage didn’t
suck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We like each other, hell, we love each other.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had it better than lots and lots and
lots of people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We connected in lots of
friend kind of ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We just weren’t
connected at all in a love and marriage kind of way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We lived next to each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were friends with benefits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t good enough for me and he wasn’t
willing or able to try to fix that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that's sad.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">4) I just put money on my electronic S!arb4ck’s card and used
it for the first time ever this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>OMG – I love it!!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love
technology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How cool is it to flash my
phone at someone and have them hand you a chai latte.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I am also very thankful that S!arb4ck’s is not
remotely convenient to my normal routine and is only possible occasionally) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">5) I think therapy should be mandatory for all humans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I’m ignoring all manner of far more
important social issues here – like food and education and safe housing and I’m
well aware of that).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it’s
helpful to get through a particular situation and that’s fantastic – but really
– I just think it’s so important for all of us to truly know and understand
ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I so believe you can’t truly
be there for anyone else unless and until you can own your own faults and fears
and walls and understand how they can affect others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I say this just as no where near being able to
truly look at them all for me as everyone else – but I am totally aware I still hide things even
from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
</div>
6) <span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am glad I’m blogging again – I do so enjoy it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p></o:p><br /></div>
7) <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tommy and I are doing Ji!!ian Mich@e!’s online exercise
program together this summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s going
to kick my ass – but I’m so grateful to the powers of the universe for putting
his desire in my face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we all
need a kick in the ass – and when it comes in the form of your 20year-old-looking-14-year-old
– how can you say no?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
8) <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tom just got his hair cut – and Jesus-God – he looks entirely
too old (if a little stoned).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a little distressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN1nS5jPCVL3RYGQ1aC4yO-0DnxV2NNnu_8KNoN2FpxkNBvuRP7ta5KsLqR44qzMY5EBP517UTSvxRGD5dHUwmKfr5rf0I5xgkMDxpkSvxq8mAdRkGxezqZRA2QPpe__I7ZIhieiHXxy4k/s1600/Thair.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN1nS5jPCVL3RYGQ1aC4yO-0DnxV2NNnu_8KNoN2FpxkNBvuRP7ta5KsLqR44qzMY5EBP517UTSvxRGD5dHUwmKfr5rf0I5xgkMDxpkSvxq8mAdRkGxezqZRA2QPpe__I7ZIhieiHXxy4k/s320/Thair.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
9) <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jase also got a hair cut – which – thank the heavenly Lord
above.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loves his hair long, but it’s
so straight it’s just always in his face but it isn’t a fight I have the
slightest interest in fighting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If at 12
he wants long hair – go for it (within reason).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But… he got his hair cut short – like really short, which shocked the
shit out of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully he still
looks like a little boy – unlike my mean old older son who has the nerve to
look so damn old.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdJtH52lWOZUqzRMv502ThOVFgM6v8ztMbyO2ykahXA_sV3-H7Dz55wmCH8Q_n8yUFh02LM80gzSdkLv02yPTdECjuYNdO8yqZTHkWQb42swujf0alxvZmpyW6vJG-VIYheeqiY8ZZQCGg/s1600/Jhair.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdJtH52lWOZUqzRMv502ThOVFgM6v8ztMbyO2ykahXA_sV3-H7Dz55wmCH8Q_n8yUFh02LM80gzSdkLv02yPTdECjuYNdO8yqZTHkWQb42swujf0alxvZmpyW6vJG-VIYheeqiY8ZZQCGg/s320/Jhair.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
10) <span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m thinking I need a new job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not 100% sure I want to continue doing
what I’m doing now – so I’m planning on taking the next year ish – to gear
myself up for doing something different – or maybe the same thing, but for a
different company… we’ll see.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;">
</div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-81084775846836754252013-06-17T13:07:00.000-07:002013-06-30T12:28:28.298-07:00Trust.... clarified<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I got an email today from a close friend telling me my “Trust”
post made her worry about me – she wondered if I was okay – sure something was
wrong in my relationship. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry I made
her worry – but nothing could be further from the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All is moving along beautifully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Peace, calm, love, intensity… it’s all good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have, however, found myself truly fascinated
by the human spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was immensely skeptical
that we’d ever find our way back to trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But what I’m learning each day is that we can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is it all the way back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will it be the same when it’s
all the way back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will it be something strong and
valuable?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can it work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Might it not work out? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure and I might get hit by a bus on the way
home tonight too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knows what the
future will bring?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I am awed by the
human spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am awed by the lessons
the world brings to your doorstep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some
are lovely and some suck shiny white asses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But they are all valuable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the
key is not to lose sight of you – of who you are and what’s most important to
you.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Never in a million years did I think my marriage would end,
but it has (for all intents and purposes).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s not his fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it was
all my fault, I don’t know – but I know he didn’t fight for me, for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that hurt me – I know that shapes some
of how I see the world now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know he
hurt my trust receptors too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, I also
believe with all that I am – I am where I’m supposed to be right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> It wasn't easy </span>getting to this place, but I’m
awfully glad I’m taking this journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The fact that I can say “I do trust” is amazing to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are still wounds that are not yet healed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There will always be scars, but I do trust
and that’s miraculous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How is that
possible with what I watched?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With what I
experienced?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just know that it’s coming back and that’s
a beautiful thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-28510681853932904822013-06-16T19:15:00.002-07:002013-06-30T12:29:24.158-07:00Trust<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1791491579 18 0 131231 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1791491579 18 0 131231 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Apple Chancery";
panose-1:3 2 7 2 4 5 6 6 5 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-2147483545 3 0 0 499 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Follow You Into the World";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-2147483641 134217728 335544320 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin-top:0in;
margin-right:0in;
margin-bottom:10.0pt;
margin-left:0in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
.MsoPapDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
margin-bottom:10.0pt;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Here’s the thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m happy</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> really happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m happy with the choices I’ve made. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Happy with where they’ve led me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
that doesn’t’ mean I don’t still have questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recently I’ve been thinking about Trust.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">What is it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How is it measured?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How is it sustained?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if it’s broken?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do you get it back?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Without going into all the gory details</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">He spent several months not giving me
the whole truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked me in the
eyes and lied to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He took something
from me, from us, we’ll never get back and boy, does that piss me off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
I decided not to leave, so now what?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">The one thing I always believed in from him
was his intentions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew he wasn’t
happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew he didn’t know how to
reconcile that with how much of his life had been spent focused in one
direction. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That it hadn’t been what he
wanted, hadn’t been what he thought it would be</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> I knew he really struggled with living
up to the things he’d said and done up to that point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could so many years of believing in one
thing be wrong?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">I believed he was beginning to believe
in himself, beginning to believe that it was okay to reach for the connection
and intensity he’d always wanted, beginning to believe that it was truly ok to
just be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I knew it wasn’t going to
be easy for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">I only ever wanted the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can deal with what needs dealing with </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> but only if I know what it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were several months that were</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> just bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally I left. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I truly believed I’d never go back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still surprised I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m happy I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were still more bumps in the road
(understatement) after I went back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
the worst of the bumps was the breaking of the trust.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">I had a really hard time with how he
lied to others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How hard he tried to avoid
having to just stand up and say what he wanted </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> knowing it was going to be hard.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">How do you get the trust back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do you move forward when the trust will
never come all the way back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once upon a
time my therapist told me to look at his text messages, to have him give me his
passwords so that I could read his emails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I looked for a week or so </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
but</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
that’s just not who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And frankly </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> if he wanted to go behind my back he’s
clearly capable of creating new emails or getting new phones or </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> whatever else he might want to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
what now?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">You just move forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You take one day at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You slowly build the bridge again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know the bridge won’t be the same, but it
can still span the gap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You revel in the
beauty between each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You keep your
eyes opened. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t let worry build </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> you ask questions if you have
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You breathe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You thank God for the beauty you share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You delight in the connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You enjoy each day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">I can’t suddenly be someone I’m
not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t tell him what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t tell him who he can and can’t talk
to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t check up on him and follow
around behind him and see what he’s doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I were so untrusting that I felt I needed to look, I’d never believe
it anyway </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
I’d always assume there were things I didn’t know about, things he was hiding
and it would just make me crazy wondering what I might not be seeing </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> so after that week or so </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">-</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> I stopped looking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe you’ve got to just be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to live and let others live as they
choose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve got to be clear about who
you are and what you need </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
and then you’ve got to leave it up to</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">.
Life</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
to belief</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">
to trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will be or it won’t.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">For all I know, he may think I read his
emails every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> maybe he thinks I don’t and he’s
carrying on a double life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
believe that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> I do trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His intentions always spoke to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe so did the bee </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">–</span><span style="font-family: "Follow You Into the World"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> at least when I needed something extra
to hold on to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-68290202239487371022013-01-23T19:13:00.002-08:002013-01-23T19:13:20.174-08:00To Love...<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Dear Love,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I wish and hope and pray that one day you'll know true intimacy... true connection. There is richness and beauty in this world that I
don't believe you've begun to touch and with all that I am I hope and
pray you'll feel it one day. Your mother fucked you up and I'll always
hate her for that. I'm so very, very sorry I can't wait for you to get
there... to do the work... to find the courage to risk your heart - to find
the courage to take someone else's and hold it tight.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There exists the promise of intensity and passion and
ups that light up your world and downs that crush your spirit. But it
only exists if you open up and take it... open up and want it... open up
and beg for it... above all else - if you open up and risk it. It's all a
risk. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'll love you forever... you'll always be my family... it
can't not be true... but I have to have the connection - the passion -
the intensity - the ups and downs... and it can't be done alone. There
has to be someone else to share those things with - to risk everything
to find those things with. I wish it could have been with you, I truly
do. I desperately love our little family. I wish we could keep it
locked up safe and tight forever. I'm so sorry I can't do that. I'm so
very sorry I need the ups and the downs. I can't find a way to exist
without them. I know I'm being selfish - but I have to live. I can't
just exist. The world is too big - too bright - too amazing to just
exist in it.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope one day - with all my heart and soul - that you
find the ability to rise above the things your mom kept you from
learning. There is so much more out there and I don't believe you have
experienced it. I hope you find it one day. Hell, I hope you'll look for
it one day. I don't want for you to just exist alone in a vacuum. The
world knows you as this amazing human - and truly you are. You're a
rare breed; good and loyal and nice and helpful. I want more for you.
I want connection. I want richness. I want intensity. I want vacuums to just be
appliances for you that the dog is scared of.. not a way of living. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope we're able to find our way back to being friends
and confidants. Our best thing was always how well we hung out
together and I hope we'll be able to hang out again. To just
be. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I know you love me. That's the worst part. I love you and you love
me. I always believed we'd celebrate our 50th anniversary and we'd
still say Happyanniversaryiwin. It would still make us smile and not
cry. It breaks my heart that that won't happen.</span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><span>I can't even be mad at you because I truly think
your mom so fucked you up that your not capable of what I need. I'm not sure you were willing to try either, but even that can be laid at your mom's feet. </span><br />
<span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">All my love - always,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Dove </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
</div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-89625104766492282122012-09-07T08:24:00.000-07:002013-06-18T18:38:12.786-07:00My family... sigh1) This is a letter I sent to my friend Farrah the other morning...<br />
<br />
Hopefully you're sound asleep but I am writing this in order to keep myself from killing Tommy in a bloody goulish mess.<br />
<br />
He comes into my room where Dan and I are still sleeping. I'm actually awake which I tell Tommy and he comes over to me to tell me 2 things. One is that he dropped his computer. The laptop we just bought him that I debated allowing him to have instead of a desktop computer because I was afraid he'd fucking drop it. "It's no big deal though mom. The screen isn't even cracked. But I'm telling you because Jason's gonna make a big deal out of it." (really, Jason will think it's a big deal??? how fucking shocking)<br />
<br />
Me. Where did it fall from? (thinking maybe it was sitting on the ottoman and fell to the carpeted floor.)<br />
<br />
I was walking down the hall and it fell out of my arms.<br />
<br />
Of course it did.<br />
<br />
And 2nd he needs to tell me the Internet is down. Yes, I know it is. It went down right after I sent an email in the middle of the night.<br />
<br />
Tom: it's down<br />
Me. Yes. I know<br />
Tom. It's not working at all<br />
Me. Yes I know.<br />
Tom. But I can't play Xbox.<br />
Me. Yes I know.<br />
Tom. You need to fix it<br />
Me. I can't. Your dad will look at it when he gets up. Bring your computer back to your room and go take a shower.<br />
Tom. (whining) I don't want to take a shower.<br />
Me. You didn't take one yesterday. Go take one.<br />
Tom. I really don't want to take one right now. (said in his best grown up voice, like could we please postpone this a little bit?)<br />
Me. Okay. But go wash your face right now. You can shower in a bit.<br />
Tom. I don't want to wash my face<br />
Me. Okay. Do it anyway.<br />
Tom. Whyyyyyyy?<br />
Me. Because you have acne all over your face. Now go wash it.<br />
<br />
He leaves.<br />
<br />
I lay in bed for roughly 10 seconds when I realize I heard his computer drop in this seriously loud crash that I sat there and waited for screams of pain afterward. I get up to get his computer and I go straight to the bathroom where he should be washing his face and he's nowhere to be seen.<br />
<br />
I pretty much want to kill him.<br />
<br />
I find him in the basement. (shock of all shocks)<br />
<br />
Me. TOMMY GET YOUR ASS UPSTAIRS RIGHT NOW AND BRING YOUR COMPUTER!!!!<br />
Tom. Yeah??<br />
Me. YOU DIDN'T WASH YOUR FACE<br />
Tom. Yes I did.<br />
Me. BULLSHIT (There is a direct relationship between how pissed I am and how much I cuss which my children are well aware of)<br />
Tom. I swear I did<br />
Me. BULLSHIT. I STAYED IN BED AFTER YOU LEFT FOR ABOUT 10 SECONDS AND YOU ARE ALL THE WAY IN THE BASEMENT. YOU DIDN'T WASH YOUR FUCKING FACE.<br />
Tom. I splashed water on it. (said with the tone that says aha, I've just proved you wrong)<br />
Me. THAT'S NOT WASHING YOUR FACE<br />
Tom. That's how I always wash my face.<br />
Me. THAT'S NOT WASHING YOUR FACE. WASHING INVOLVES (insert crazy woman flailing her arms around in search of the right word) WASHING. LIKE WASHING. TO MAKE CLEAN. NOT TO MAKE WET. YOU GOT YOUR FACE WET. Didn't we take you to a doctor who gave you products with which to wash your face. Who demonstrated exactly how you were to do it. What you did was RINSE YOUR FUCKING FACE NOT WASH IT. Now the computer is mine. I heard it fall. We just spent all this money on a computer for you and I didn't want to get a laptop for you because I was afraid you would FUCKING DROP IT. So now it's mine. Now go upstairs and take A FUCKING SHOWER. And not in my bathroom!!!<br />
Tom. ( insert Tommy realizing he's pushed his mom too far and she already gone round the bend.) Okay mom. Here you go.<br />
<br />
I think the only reason he's still alive is that he was standing on the stairs holding the laptop. If I hadn't wanted to salvage the laptop I think I would have happily pushed him down backwards.<br />
<br />
2) Jason is watching E.T. for the first time and Dan and I are in the kitchen next to where he's watching and this little exchange happened between Jason and Dan.<br />
<br />
Jason: What's so important about E.T.'s finger?<br />
<br />
Dan: It's his energy interface.<br />
<br />
Jason: ok, thanks.<br />
<br />
me: (slowly banging my head against the table)Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-87766171174019374632012-08-30T08:04:00.002-07:002013-06-18T18:40:12.821-07:0010 Things ThursdayI swear one of these days I'll really get back to blogging - I do so love it!!!<br />
<br />
1) I am not getting enough sleep. I think it’s because I’m leading a double life and it’s beginning to catch up with me. But being a secret agent for a double super secret government agency is really fun.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
2) My 11 year old has survived his first three days of school. There has been plenty of vomiting and tears, but I each day was better than the last. This morning went like this… he had a nightmare at 4am and didn't go back to sleep. He threw up once before getting in the shower, had me pull over so he could catch his breath on the way in, but got out of the car saying he was in a good place… Sigh.<br />
<br />
<br />
3) My 14 year old was AMAZINGLY pissed this morning because his alarm didn’t go off and he had me waking him up instead. Pointing out that he failed to set the alarm didn’t calm him down one little bit. <br />
<br />
<br />
4) The B@ltim*re C*mic*n, that Dan helps run, is in a touch more than a week. It occurred to me yesterday that we are doing much better this year than in past years as I only want to bash his head in about 50% of the time this year which is significantly down from previous years. I think just backing away and letting him do his own thing really helped.<br />
<br />
5) A month from now I’ll be in Chicago and I am so excited about it. I can’t wait to be with all my friends – to actually sit and play with them!! I’m sort of a little giddy about it.<br />
<br />
<br />
6) In three weeks my bff (she’ll hate that) Farrah is coming to visit for a long weekend and I am so excited. She’s leaving her kids at home and I’m taking off work and I have no idea what we’ll do. For all you out there in cyberspace – I met her online and we’ve been friends for more than five years and it was only a year ago that I met her for the first time. I headed out to her house in WY (which is a long way from MD) and was instantly “at home”. I think she is why Chicago wasn’t so much of a big deal to me last year – well that and I already loved all of you too!<br />
<br />
<br />
7) I love the word squirmy.<br />
<br />
<br />
8) I recently learned that one of my friends from high school lives approximately 10 minutes from me and plays his bass regularly on Tuesdays at a local open mic night. So this week me and a friend went and joined him and his wife and watched him play for a little bit. It was so fun to just jump right back in as if the last 400 years hadn’t passed. His wife treated me as if she too had known me since high school; it was kind of sweet, funny, and odd at the same time. I very much liked her – though it was a table full of introverts who don’t talk a lot… but we all did just fine together.<br />
<br />
<br />
9) I wanted to buy some Mylanta and hair color today online – cuz I think those two things go together for some reason – and the first three places I went to had no Mylanta in stock… what’s that about?<br />
<br />
<br />
10) I am afraid of refried beans. I don’t know why, but it’s true.Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-77453518648061906792012-08-07T10:36:00.002-07:002013-06-18T18:51:22.232-07:00FALL the new F-word...<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Little factual background:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jason has suffered with anxiety issues for the last three plus years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some days it’s better than others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He saw a therapist a year or two ago and we found that extremely helpful and he had a very good time in the last 18 months or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as the end of school neared – which meant the end of elementary school and middle school looming in the fall – it’s all started back up again, which we predicted – only this time it’s on steroids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">We got him back in therapy with the same person he connected with so well last time though he’s fighting it tooth and nail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we have an appointment next week with a psychiatrist to look into putting him on some sort of medication at least while this very acute part of his anxiety is raging.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So it’s <b><u>Friday morning</u></b> and I’m driving Jason to camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has been touch and go all summer depending on where he is on the anxiety scale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s clawed himself up from the depths of the hole he was in a couple of weeks ago, thankfully and each day he seems a little better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On this particular day he was back to his normal funny, snarky self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All was right in the world and he packed his lunch and got his pool bag ready and off we went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I was digging for something in my purse at a light and all but threw my purse on his lap when the light turned green and this caused him to inadvertently hit something in his <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Eden</st1:place></st1:city> game on his iTouch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow he hit TNT and blew up the ladders in the pool he’d just painstakingly created.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This started a hilarious conversation about just how much of a national disaster this was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: What if President Obama had been in the pool when you made me burn all my bridges down?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Me: uh… I think his upper arm strength would come through for him and he’d still be able to get out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: no way, because there were assassins there and they would just keep kicking him to keep him in the pool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really this could be a national disaster.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Me: uh.. I feel pretty confident that the secret service would put and end to the kicking assassins.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: no, because they would kill the secret service guys</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Me: nope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The secret service would kill the bad guys.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason’s plan got bigger and bigger and involved the assassins going back in time and bringing Albert Einstein to current day and having him invent a miniature tank that could be added like a poison to a member of the Secret Service’s food so they would ingest the tank and then it would expand to normal size, killing the agent and providing great protection against the rest of the Secret Service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, of course, maintained that if the Secret Service saw Albert Einstein walking around they would kill him as it would be too out of the ordinary and they would know a plot was at hand.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The point is there was much laughing and frivolity going on throughout the drive to camp up to the point where, about 300 yards before the turn into camp, we passed a long row of trees that are turning fall colors already and I said – omg, Jase, look at those poor confused trees, they think it’s already fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They already have four different colors going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">STOP. THE. HOLY. FUCKING. PRESSES.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>used the word Fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a big no no, though I had no idea at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really I should have been able to anticipate that one – I think of it as a rookie mistake and at this point in time I HATE making rookie mistakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But alas…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: Mom, when we get in there please pull into the parking lot and don’t drop me off, I’ve got to talk to you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Me: (fuck fuck fuck fuck this is never a good sign) ok sweetheart.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: (crying) I can’t do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m worried about the bus ride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talking about those trees made me think about school and I’m all worried about school and I can’t get it out of my head.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Me: (fuck fuck fuck fuck sticking a fork firmly in my eye) – okay baby, we can do this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We just need to … blah blah blah….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I got him calmed down enough to go to camp and get on the bus to go swimming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Phew!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But then….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s his second appointment with the therapist and he does not want to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was PISSED at the first meeting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It made it worse, he doesn’t want to talk to anyone else about his feelings (who would?), we are mean for making him go… But this time he got smarter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: Mom, I am afraid of Dr. L.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Me: afraid?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(he already saw him very successfully and we have several friends whose children have seen the same man over the years very successfully).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t worry, I’ll be right outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know it’s hard, but I know you can do it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: no, he really creeps me out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m afraid he’s going to hurt me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Me: (oh Jase, you are a clever one).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s not going to hurt you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He helped you last time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He helped our friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daddy and I would never take you anywhere unsafe and I’ll be right outside the whole time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This went on for the entire drive there with him crying constantly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some point he realized I was taking him anyway and asked me if I thought he should tell Dr. L that he thought he was creepy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him he certainly could tell him that, he could tell him anything he wanted to, but he didn’t have to share it if he didn’t want to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The appointment required that I be in the room with him as he could not get himself together without that which was fine of course and Dr. L is very good at what he does and got the crying and incoherent Jason calmed down and willing by the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In hindsight it was probably good that the good doctor got to see him like that as it’s not an unusual state for him this summer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">We get in the car afterwards and in about 3 seconds Jason was back to being his normal happy self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, on the other hand, was traumatized by the entire experience and wanted a lot of vodka.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I learned that Fall is a very, very bad word and will never be uttered again in.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But then cut to <u><b>Monday</b></u>….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason’s a little iffy in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get his lunch ready to go and he’s ok, but subdued on the drive over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until we pass the same fucking trees.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Note to self – go the long way to camp, you idiot!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another rookie mistake.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: MOM!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>PULL OVER NOW!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Oh fuck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get us pulled over and he’s out and on his hands and knees in a flash where he soon throws up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Great – I’m so excited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were so close to camp again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Jason: Wow!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel GREAT!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Man I so needed to do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like a ball in the pit of my stomach all morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s Olympic week and I don’t want to be late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Again, I’m thinking I need more vodka.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><u>Today</u></b> we went the long way and didn’t see a single non-green leaf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were no issues and Jason couldn’t wait to get there again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">No idea what tomorrow will bring.</span></div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-38670318406876244792012-06-25T08:09:00.003-07:002013-06-18T18:55:43.376-07:00Normal (sort of) family things...<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A little Jase-ism</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The beginnings of a text thread between me and my 11 year old.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Hello my little minion, how are you? (I was about to have him do some laundry for me).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jason: Fine, my big master. (I swear that still makes me laugh!! God I love this kid)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Just another evening….</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dan’s away and he texts me at 7pm on Sunday night that he’s boarding soon and asks me to find khaki shorts for Jason so they can all go golfing at 8am the next morning. Uh… sure, except I’m not home and this seems just a touch late to make sure he has clothes for the place you’re taking him on Monday morning. (not to mention I’m nearly sure the boy doesn’t have any golf appropriate clothes – he lives in gym shorts). So I get home at about 8:30 and go searching for golf clothes and sure enough no appropriate bottoms – pants or shorts – to be found. Great. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I let my fingers do the walking… er typing… and discover Ta*rget is opened until 10pm – Bless them. At 9:07 Jack and I race out the door, thankful we don’t live in Rawlins where Target wouldn’t be an option… though I guess neither would golf…, get to Target and try on the Large size shorts and they are too tight for Jason so we grab up the extra large, which are going to be too long on him, but whatever. (he’s in the I’m about to grow stage so his middle is a little bigger than normal). And are out of Target inside of 10 minutes. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This morning when he put the shorts on for the first time – I swear they are really Capri pants on the boy. Sigh. I rolled them up a few times and off they went. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Educational TV</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So… Jason and I get back from the store and Tom is watching the movie Dodge ball. I’m pretty sure Jason shouldn’t watch this after about 30 seconds. I don’t care so much about that kind of thing for Tom who’s heading into high school in the fall – but I have him turn it off and he switches it to Avatar and they watch that until it’s time for Jason to go to bed. Dan’s home by this time and puts him to bed. As soon as he’s gone Tom turns Dodge ball back on… whatever, it’s near the end. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We watch the end of the movie and there is a little chemistry between two of the characters and after they win the big prize (sorry if I just ruined the movie for you) the man and woman, Peter and Kate, are sort of flirting with each other in a way that seems pretty clear they are about to finally kiss and head off happily ever after when a new woman, Gwen, emerges from the crowd. Kate is thrilled beyond belief to see Kate and they embrace and passionately kiss… seriously passionately. (this was really fun to watch with my nearly 14 year old son sitting across the way). </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then one of the other men says to Peter “see, I told you she was a lesbian!” And Kate turns around and says “I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual!! And proceeds to go over and kiss Peter just as passionately. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yup – this was a great little educational program to watch with Tom. Who just looked at me and burst out laughing and went up to bed. What he did behind his closed door – I do not want to contemplate.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">A couple of pictures - first, all three boys...</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNPp32P3XitQCVaGva0cAuKfbh-jgxVZ_xYj2qNQzvM_hafcn5HtDcXImY8UZEqNaACuTrnXWdkUx-aLXdvhY2pcffAUyqVhUdDoycl_bcVXr8xmUxYFGOOOLziEyflf2058P2kTYIxEmc/s1600/golf1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" rca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNPp32P3XitQCVaGva0cAuKfbh-jgxVZ_xYj2qNQzvM_hafcn5HtDcXImY8UZEqNaACuTrnXWdkUx-aLXdvhY2pcffAUyqVhUdDoycl_bcVXr8xmUxYFGOOOLziEyflf2058P2kTYIxEmc/s320/golf1.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then Jason in action</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNJds48Ymi243qMFgt6m5gMqj6A3TCSFHycK0h1tzpcqMdCQv05eS3KqoCW7eeGWhLbyJ2eKNfVl4qCKQnsXxnFxEbjP-yD-AGanivyXKb2PQHP8aQwC0OKxmfsPRNWeSqNX0WuFa9RHW3/s1600/golfjack.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNJds48Ymi243qMFgt6m5gMqj6A3TCSFHycK0h1tzpcqMdCQv05eS3KqoCW7eeGWhLbyJ2eKNfVl4qCKQnsXxnFxEbjP-yD-AGanivyXKb2PQHP8aQwC0OKxmfsPRNWeSqNX0WuFa9RHW3/s320/golfjack.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-55774394465565265912012-06-22T10:19:00.000-07:002013-06-18T18:59:04.345-07:00Friday's Letters Link UpLet me first just say - that I LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!! Genius!<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Dear Chic-Fil-A oreo shake</b> – Just because it was 103 degrees as I sat and watched my kids at rugby practice, just because rivers of sweat were streaming down my body, just because I was starving is no reason at all to be beckoning me like a siren beckons a sailor who’s been at sea too long. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Dear back</b> – I am truly tired of you causing me problems. I appreciate stress and extra weight are both contributing factors and I have some control over both of them, but seriously – do you really think you are helping me reduce my stress level by causing me to not be able to bend or twist or lift a damn thing and do you think you are helping me lose weight by not allowing me to even walk on a treadmill? If we could just work together I think everything would be a hell of a lot smoother.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Dear zit on the tip of my nose</b> – Seriously!?! I’ve got a nearly 14 year old just down the hall, please go visit him. That is all.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Dear closet</b> – if you could just magically clean and organize yourself, I would really appreciate it. I would even be willing to add pretty decorations to you if you’d like.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Dear nearly 14 year old</b> – if you could be so kind as to check your teenage attitude at the door from time to time, it would be really helpful. Especially to your father who seems to forget what a good kid you are sometimes. I remain very blessed by who you are as a person and thrilled that you are bigger and stronger than I am as you never cease to grow tired of reminding me. It just means that I never have to lift another remotely heavy thing as long as you are within earshot for the rest of my life. So, really, I’m good with that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Dear 11 ½ year old</b> – While I am thrilled to pieces by the strides you continue to make in getting more comfortable being out of your parent’s presence, it would make me even happier if you’d get even more comfortable there. I’d really like it if the transition to middle school wasn’t going to be the tear filled nightmare I’m envisioning it to be. That said – I am also thrilled with the person you are turning out to be. And the fact that you want to keep up with your brother and carry heavy things for me too – also totally works for me. <br />
<br />
How about a little picture of the children from last week on vacation - aren't they cute!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghkqHfGHSHtqoKSSZXead3HS0TqK8P4wruwubN6hO8_s9HF9YSghyphenhyphenOcZVFKBEAdqmR7Prkdhc_vj9ACpN3-oLECKUtTirAEpB0g4bgFymQmYOyeO21oKr3B2rs4XxtcdXFTNLAPrBH5Ejk/s1600/jacktedfl.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghkqHfGHSHtqoKSSZXead3HS0TqK8P4wruwubN6hO8_s9HF9YSghyphenhyphenOcZVFKBEAdqmR7Prkdhc_vj9ACpN3-oLECKUtTirAEpB0g4bgFymQmYOyeO21oKr3B2rs4XxtcdXFTNLAPrBH5Ejk/s320/jacktedfl.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-66233033432473537812012-06-18T19:54:00.001-07:002013-06-18T19:08:46.173-07:00My childen.... sigh.Hi all!!<br />
<br />
I've been on vacation and before that I was getting ready for vacation - I'm back now and can get back to real life.<br />
<br />
First of all..... Jason. He didn't want to go to the camp where Tom is a junior counselor again this year so he elected to stay home as we refused to drive him to his preferred camp - thus having to drive to two different places in opposite directions twice a day for two weeks. Dan is not traveling this week so he's here with Jason. Today is the first day he was at home instead of school or camp, and this is the conversation he and I had when I got home from work.<br />
<br />
Jason: Mom! I've blown through my old record.<br />
Me: that's great babe. What record?<br />
J: of watching TV<br />
M: uh... huh?<br />
J (excitedly): yeah, my record was 8 hours.<br />
M: uh... WHAT?<br />
J: yeah! today I watched 10 hours in a row. (he was very proud)<br />
M: this is not something to be proud of, child!<br />
J: oh, sorry.<br />
M: Can you guess what I'm going to say now?<br />
J: uh, nope.<br />
M: TURN THE FRIKKIN' TV OFF RIGHT NOW!!!!<br />
J: When can I watch TV again?<br />
M: three days.<br />
<br />
<br />
Then there's Tom. We were on a sunset dolphin cruise on vacation and the captain let all the kids "drive" the boat from the 2 year olds up to Jason and a couple of girls about his age (11/12). He ignored Tom which was just fine with Tom as he's too cool for school these days. After a while the captain called Tommy up to drive. He'd waited until he wanted to tell us about some stuff thinking Tom would be able to handle it well enough for a while - which he certainly could. But as Tommy sauntered (really the only word for it) up to the wheel, the captain said to me "Let me guess... 16?" And I burst out laughing... uh, no. He wishes he was 16, he's only 13. He's awfully broad for 13. Yes, yes he is.<br />
<br />
When we got home - after countless alligator sightings, playing with all manner of wild things - alligators, birds, snakes, turtles, etc, watching dolphins play in the wake of the boat, amazing pools, rays flying around him in the gulf, and countless other things... when asked what his favorite thing about vacation was - without a second's hesitation "when Captain Dwight called me 16."<br />
<br />
sigh.<br />
<br />
<br />
A friend of mine and I decided to get a little more serious about weight loss starting today. I had a pretty good day, it could have been better but it wasn't too bad at all. I threw my back out a couple of weeks ago and it's still healing so I can't really exercise more than a leisurely walk at the moment, but that will come soon.Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-28896046003045347382012-06-01T08:02:00.000-07:002013-06-18T19:12:14.484-07:00BYOCIt’s time for Drazil’s Bring Your Own Crazy!! We answer 5 questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Are you a daily purse switcher, an often purse buyer or a one purse kind of woman? What factors influence your purse buying?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I don’t change every day at all. I do have a little addiction with cute, very small purses. Day to day I usually have a big purse in which I can pack water bottles and snacks or jackets for practices or games. After a while I’ll get board with whatever I’ve been carrying for a while and I’ll switch to something else. I own a few that I’ve never used that I bought because they were cute and I was in a purse kind of mood – but then I haven’t have had the right set of circumstances come up for me to actually use them. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I always change my purse when I’m going out somewhere special – this is where my cute little purses come into play. I am always always always on the hunt for new cute little purses. Sometimes I’ll buy and outfit because I haven’t yet had the chance to use one of my cute little purses. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I am cheap, though, when it comes to purses. I think I once spent $75 on a purse and I LOVE that purse – but it still really bothers me that I spent that much because normally I would never spend more than $25 or $30 for a purse of any size. I can’t imagine ever in a million years spending hundreds of dollars on a bag I put shit in – but that’s just me. Though if I do it will be on something very small and very cute, never on something bigger I’d use every day.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
2. What’s your favorite board game?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I like things like the ungame where you are asking and answering questions about stuff.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
3. Are you a sore loser who throws fits or a gracious winner? Are you competitive?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
In a few things I’m competitive, but in most things I’m not at all. I am competitive in miniature golf, for instance. I don’t bet on things unless I know I’ll win. So, if I ever say to you, I’ll bet you a buck this or that is true, you can be sure I’m completely confident of the answer. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I think I have a big competitive nature buried deep inside me and if it ever got out it could be a scary thing, so I think I’ll keep it buried for now.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
4. Tell us something you are afraid of that is a physical item…like spiders, deep water, heights, snakes, thunderstorms, first dates, childbirth, etc.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Bears and alligators. We’re headed to Florida in a couple of weeks and are planning a day trip to the everglades. My wonderful 11 year old has been regaling me with news stories he’s making up about the fights that keep breaking out where we’re going in Florida between bears and alligators. How usually people aren’t killed. He’s such a loving boy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
it’s been a fine but busy week. Jason had a concert on Wednesday night – that’s two and a half hours I’ll never get back. Tom had his first playoff baseball game and no one played well at all, but his team won so that was good. Tonight I’m going to a friend’s son’s game so she and I can get drunk in the stands. We’ve got soccer, football, and more playoff baseball this weekend as well as a gala for our county’s domestic violence center that my sister happens to be the chair of the board for. She’s been a big ball of stress for the last few weeks, so I’ll be offering her whatever help she may want on Saturday towards that end. Next week is the last week of school and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad – but it is what it is.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-13041169413613164482012-05-31T13:17:00.000-07:002013-06-18T19:21:41.296-07:00Getting rid of the clutter...<span lang="EN"> </span><br />
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<span lang="EN">A friend sent me a link to a blog that had an article entitled Two Lists You Should Look at Every Morning and it was SUCH a fantastic post! </span></div>
<span lang="EN">
</span>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<span lang="EN"><br /></span></div>
<span lang="EN">
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
The two lists that everyone should look at each morning according to the author are as follows; </div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
</div>
</span><b><span lang=""><div align="left" dir="ltr">
List 1: Your Focus List (the road ahead)</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
What are you trying to achieve? What makes you happy? What's important to you? Design your time around those things. Because time is your one limited resource and no matter how hard you try you can't work 25/8.</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
(I so love the idea of not being able to work 25/8 – I love clever people)</div>
<b><div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
List 2: Your Ignore List (the distractions)</div>
</b><div align="left" dir="ltr">
To succeed in using your time wisely, you have to ask the equally important but often avoided complementary questions: what are you willing not to achieve? What doesn't make you happy? What's not important to you? What gets in the way?</div>
</span><span lang="EN"><div align="left" dir="ltr">
</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
I know for me – several things popped into my head for the first one, the Focus List. It’s just not that hard to think of things that I want, or that are important to me, or that make me happy. But the second one… now there’s the rub. What are the distractions? How do you define that? I guess if you narrow down the first list clearly enough the second list becomes more apparent… what do you think?</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
I'm all about getting rid of the clutter - I am not a hoarder (well.. craft supplies notwithstanding) and love to throw things away - but I can't say I've ever really thought about it in terms of the things I'm striving for... the things I should be focusing on... the truly important things... I'm usually thinking about the contents of a closet or a drawer.</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
I’m planning on seriously trying to come up with these lists and keeping them active and fluid and relevant for me. I challenge all of you to do the same. </div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
What are you trying to achieve? What makes you happy? What's important to you?</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
</div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div align="left" dir="ltr">
Here’s the link for the full post which does a much better job of talking about this; </div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN"><div align="left" dir="ltr">
</div>
Have a great day!!</span></span></span><a href="http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2009/05/two-lists-you-should-look-at-e.html?awid=9096134605609987456-3271"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span lang="EN">http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2009/05/two-lists-you-should-look-at-e.html?awid=9096134605609987456-3271</span></span></a></b>Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-47160302506697589802012-05-25T18:54:00.003-07:002013-06-18T19:21:20.515-07:00BYOCDrazil's BYOC is 5 little questions we answer to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Come join us & enjoy!!<br />
<br />
1. Tell me about your first childhood home that you remember.<br />
<br />
um... well... I have a very poor memory for all things childhood. I lived in my grandma's house for the first 6 months of my life and I know it like the back of my hand - on the water in Annapolis where I spent much of my childhood. It's where I learned to sail and to fish. My great grandparents built the house and it is a lovely, wonderful place with ivy to hide marbles in for restless grandchildren, and haunted boiler rooms in the basement, and sunfish (the kind one person can throw in the water and sail on) in the shed, and these awful round burr things that fell from this huge tree that I stepped on more than I can possibly remember. Of course I really only remember this from being much older - but... whatever<br />
<br />
2. What is hands down your favorite color on this Earth?<br />
<br />
Orange. I love it.<br />
<br />
3. What kind of hair do you prefer on your significant other? Or what kind of hair is a turn on to you?<br />
<br />
um... I can't say I have ever in my life thought about this. I think people should have hair that goes with who they are. Short and business like can be great, long and untamed can be great. I hate hate hate long stringy hair - on men or women but even more on men. My favorite hair on a male at the moment is the hair on my son Tommy. He has my curls, but much, much thicker hair. Right now it's too long, but I love him with longish hair and that's not usually the case, especially on kids, but on him I LOVE IT!! He showers at night and then goes to sleep with wet hair - he wakes up with this crazy, wild, mess that suits him to a tee!<br />
<br />
4. Now that it's summer...do you mow your lawn or does someone else? How long does it take you? Do you hate or love doing it?<br />
<br />
either Dan mows the lawn or we hire a neighbor kid to do it, though I suspect we'll get Tom to do it this year. (though he may very well be too much of a space cadet to be trusted with something that could cut him... ). I love to mow a lawn but it is this zen thing for Dan and he's always desperately wanted to do it, so I don't make too much of a fuss about it - except sometimes. He puts his earbuds in and listens to some podcast or another and totally forgets the rest of the world. It takes him a couple of hours to do it. <br />
<br />
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.<br />
<br />
It was just a week. Jason participated in the annual 5th grade thing we do here in our county called simulated congressional hearings - or SCH for short. Each group of 4 5th graders studies a topic, Jason's group's was freedom of speech and freedom of the press and they prepare a prepared 4 minute statement about their topic. They then come and "testify" before "congress" and a 3 person panel of local politicians and other important people (Jason's panel was the State congressional representative for our district, the chief Circuit Court judge for our county, and a man from the Board of Education) have them put their statement and notes away and ask them questions about their topic (one question was - do you think the internet should be limited?) and then they give the kids good, solid, feedback. The kids work hard for this end of elementary school event and have to come dressed in business attire as if they are truly testifying before congress. It's just one of the many reasons I love our school system where we live. <br />
<br />
Then last night Tommy's baseball team was in a single playoff game to determine the winner of the regular season and they won 3-2 in a nail biter. It was killer to watch but so much fun to watch how excited all the boys were!!
Have a SAFE holiday weekend!!!Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-77893254508822631442012-05-18T08:19:00.001-07:002013-06-18T19:23:57.652-07:00BYOC - Bring your own crazy!!!<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:128;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:fixed;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:128;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:fixed;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin-top:0in;
margin-right:0in;
margin-bottom:10.0pt;
margin-left:0in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
.MsoPapDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
margin-bottom:10.0pt;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyone know what day it is? I don’t
have to tell you – do I? Fine. Fine. It’s FRIDAY!!! That means it’s time for Drazil's <b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 18pt;">BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy</span></b>!
We answer five little questions to get to know each other better and to give
our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog and enjoy!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: Cambria;">1. What religion were you raised as
a child, if any, and are you still a member of that faith today? Why or why
not?</span></b><br />
<br />
Mostly I was raised Episcopal. I do
still consider myself Episcopalian, but I don’t so much go to church. I’m pretty religious – but it’s very personal
to me. I’ve taught my kids the big
things that I think are important about God, but I’ve absolutely done them a
disservice because they don’t know a fair amount of the basic bible knowledge
that is just about common knowledge in the world… like who Adam and Eve, and
Cain and Able are… that kind of thing… I’m trying to change that basic
knowledge stuff now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve said before that I really think
all the organized religions are all just different flavors of the same
thing. There are good and bad in all of
them. For me the important stuff is your
own relationship with God and faith. The
rest is just window dressing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: Cambria;">2. Do you have an all time favorite
candy or do you change favorites often?</span></b><br />
<br />
AT the moment I’m kind of unhealthily addicted to Nestles crunch crisp
bars. OMG. That’s is really all I can say…. Just OMG.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: Cambria;">3. Are you a green thumb? Do you
landscape your yard or plant any flowers or a garden? Do you pay someone to do
it for you? Do you not plant a single thing?</span></b><br />
<br />
Well… we paid someone to put in the
gardens I envisioned. I love beautiful
gardens but really – I need to be independently wealthy so I can have the
cabana boy double as the gardener – oh um. Wait – that’s stupid right? I want a cabana boy and a gardener and a pool
boy… aah, yes.. ok.. I digress.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I HATE to garden. I desperately wish I was someone for whom
gardening was a soothing and relaxing thing but… it’s just a sweaty pain in the
ass. And the look of my once pretty garden
is proof of that.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: Cambria;">4. Let’s just say you were a tattoo
junkie and you were planning your next tat and it had to be words only. What
words would you choose? A quote? Phrase? One word? Would you do it in English
or a different language?</span></b><br />
<br />
Well… I don’t know exactly – but it would have to be something very personal and
very meaningful just to me. And then… it
would depend on what it was as to whether or not I wanted to keep it personal –
and put it in a different language – or yell it boldly to the world. I guess that doesn’t really help, now does
it, Draz? <br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: red; font-family: Cambria;">5. Repeat question: Summarize your
week.</span></b><br />
<br />
This week has not been my favorite. I
had a PITA mother’s day and continue to wrestle with big emotional things in my
life. I’m worried about Jason and his
future transitions. I’m worried about
Tom and his transition into highfuckingschool.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did have a much needed bright spot
this week on Wednesday when I was reminded of happier things. I have the day off today and I’m heading to
the Science Center with Jason and another mother and son I really like, so
that will be fun. My birthday is on
Sunday and I’m not at all looking forward to it, though I am looking forward to
going out with my friend Jamie – I know that will be fun!!</div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-22973732656644696772012-05-17T17:39:00.000-07:002013-06-18T19:27:41.077-07:00Ten Things Thursday!!!From the infamous Laura Belle - it's 10 things Thursday time. I don't think I've ever done one as I've been a shitty blogger since she first had this brilliant idea. One of these days that will change.<br />
<br />
1) I am almost getting the hang of the new blogger. I don't hate it quite as much as I did at first, but that's only because most of the time I can, in fact, get it to do whatever the fuck I want it to do - so that's made me happier. It's not easy or anything like that yet, but at least I can manage to get things posted when I want to.<br />
<br />
2) I did not enjoy mother's day this year. That is all.<br />
<br />
3) My 11 year old is already stressed about his upcoming transition to middle school. I am not looking forward to the next several months.<br />
<br />
4) I recently noticed that my 13 year old son now has a happy trail, then I threw up a little in my mouth.<br />
<br />
5) I am already looking forward to Chicago. I have a countdown thingy on my phone and right now it says that there are only 133 days until I land!!!<br />
<br />
6) I want to know what the future holds. And I want to know right now. Who can make that happen for me??<br />
<br />
7) My husband has been a total rock star in the getting healthy department. He got some scary test results and the doctor gave him 3 months to get his shit together and he started walking on the treadmill every single morning and following weight watchers and in 4 months or so he's lost more than 30 lbs and all his test results are now normal. I think since he started, he's skipped less than 5 days on the treadmill. It's all about doing it. I'm very proud of him.<br />
<br />
8) I have learned that being stressed makes me not eat. It used to be that being stressed made me eat, but that seems to have switched. I can't tell you how grateful I am for this little fact.<br />
<br />
9) I have the best friends in all the world. Some are close by... Some live seriously in the middle of no where. Then there are the kittens.... You know who you are - stand up and take a bow.<br />
<br />
10) Farrah is wonderful.Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-43153043396748542222012-05-01T09:23:00.003-07:002013-06-18T19:28:14.115-07:00New Orleans' bloggerOkay - so I'm very forgetful! It's true. I'm old, what can I say? I'm heading down to NOLA for JazzFest on Thursday. I'll be there through Sunday. I talked to a lovely blogger who is considering coming to BOOBs for the first time this year and for the life of me I can't find her email anymore and I can not remember which blog is hers. <br />
<br />
So... if this is you - please contact me. I'd still love to hook up with you while I'm down there.<br />
<br />
Sorry I'm such a spaz!!!Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-58071706882538328602012-04-20T09:40:00.000-07:002013-06-18T19:33:17.763-07:00BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!It’s Friday – so it’s time for Drazil’s<br />
<br />
<br />
BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy!<br />
<br />
We answer 5 questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy to your own blog and enjoy!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Do you have any siblings? What is your relationship with them? Good, bad, ugly?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I have one sister who is two years younger than I. We get along very well and only live about 15 minutes from each other. She has the two most beautiful girls in all the world – in fact here’s a picture! Some relative gave the girls these dresses and my sister told them – you can’t wear those, you have to be under six years old to want to wear such a cutesy dress. (they are 8 and 10). But being related to both of us, they had to put them on and mug for the cameras – and if that’s not one of the cutest pictures ever, I don’t know what is.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhjRad5LQM8fJXf92b5CgWVYNqA86bBPXwJrP7hynZjNgJRHhaXgpRqJOPDl_eXHGHLjhyIZ6ILEKLi1EVfNq3j-AW25vHKYhSPVDf-Zqdfqic1U_pGTwp9ZqM0xDFyem9JqaTt6pAfpq/s1600/miakirasailordresses.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhjRad5LQM8fJXf92b5CgWVYNqA86bBPXwJrP7hynZjNgJRHhaXgpRqJOPDl_eXHGHLjhyIZ6ILEKLi1EVfNq3j-AW25vHKYhSPVDf-Zqdfqic1U_pGTwp9ZqM0xDFyem9JqaTt6pAfpq/s320/miakirasailordresses.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
2. Let’s talk pizza. Do you prefer homemade or restaurant? What toppings are your fave?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
um… homemade? What is this that you speak of??? I’m confused.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I like tomatoes and onions on my pizza, I also like sausage and white pizza with pesto sauce.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
3. When is the last time you cried – in sadness and in joy?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Jeez. I’m really not a crier. But there are certainly things in my life that I cry over occasionally.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
4. Do you own a gun – one that is specifically yours? Do you know how to use it?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I do not have a gun, nor have I ever shot one, though learning to shoot is definitely something on my wish list. I think I have an unhealthy fear of guns and I’d like to get over the fear of them and be left with the healthy respect they are due.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
5. Repeat question. Summarize your week!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
My week has been busy as always… Tommy went 4 for 5 in his baseball game last night and on the one strike out he did have he stole first. He was over the moon with how well he did and well that’s a lovely thing to see.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Tonight we’re going to party… and this is what it’s called:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
3rd semi bi tri occasionally annual Post Easter Peep Roast 4/20 any time after 6pm.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
We’re going to be roasting and otherwise trying to destroy old, stale peeps. Do I have fun friends or what?!?!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Tomorrow Tommy has an 8am baseball game, Jason has a 2pm flag football game, and Tom has a 5pm soccer game. It’s supposed to rain so I’m not sure what we will or won’t actually get in. Unfortunately for the parents, the soccer fields are turf so the likelihood of that being canceled is almost zip!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
On Sunday we’re going down to DC to see a play a friend of ours is in – I think it is somehow about Spiderman, but that’s all I know.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I hope everyone has a great week!!Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-16359066599038543292012-04-16T06:00:00.002-07:002013-06-18T19:33:45.648-07:00What is different for you?<style>
@font-face {
font-family: "Arial";
}@font-face {
font-family: "MS 明朝";
}@font-face {
font-family: "MS 明朝";
}@font-face {
font-family: "Cambria";
}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 10pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: Cambria; }.MsoChpDefault { font-family: Cambria; }.MsoPapDefault { margin-bottom: 10pt; }div.WordSection1 { page: WordSection1; }
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Hi all. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I am a lousy bandster and it shows in the 15 lbs I’ve gained in the last few months. I’ve never had an easy time with my band, but I don’t blame my band – it certainly doesn’t make me want to run out and have more surgery as seems to be the trend when someone has a hard time lately. I blame me. Let me say, I know a few people who had legitimate problems with their bands and honest to god needed medical intervention and I am sorry they had to go through another surgery, but am happy there were options out there for them. I don’t think that explains this larger….. interest out there in revision surgery – but that’s a whole other story.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I still believe my band is a wonderful tool designed to help me lose weight, but I just haven’t figured out how to use it yet. After my last fill/overfill/unfill event where I ended up .25cc more filled – I can now eat absolutely anything; bagels and eggs in the morning through French fries in the evening. (I’ve not been gorging on these things at all, but I have tested them all out because it seemed even the couple of dietary limitations I had were gone and they are.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I am a believer that ideally with the band there wouldn’t be foods you ‘couldn’t’ eat, but I also believe there is something I still haven’t figured out. When I have been overfilled, I can feel a definite difference about my thoughts about food. I am just not as hungry, and I just don’t think about food in the same way, or as often. I haven’t yet found that when I am able to eat solid food.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I asked some of my friends what it means when they say – you have to “work your band” or “use your band”. And the answer I got was it means you have to listen to your body. That when you have a band your body will tell you when it’s time to stop eating and you have to learn to hear how your body communicates and when your body is talking to you – and then you have to learn to listen and stop eating at that point – even if you want to keep eating.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So… now I’m asking my broader group of friends… I know it’s different for every person, but I am clearly missing something. I want to understand better what is different now than before I got my band other than the scars on my stomach. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">How do you <u>use</u> your band? How to you <u>work</u> your band? Are your thoughts on this different than then the first answers I’ve gotten? How does your body communicate to you? What does your body tell you?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Thanks in advance for your feedback and I hope you all have a great week!!</span></div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-18431718566402179412012-04-13T13:49:00.000-07:002013-06-18T19:43:15.955-07:00BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;">It’s Friday! That means it’s time for Drazil's BYOC. <b>Bring Your Own Crazy</b>! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy to your own blog and enjoy!<br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 11pt;">1. Whether you’re a parent or not….what do you think the appropriate age is to talk to a child about “the birds and the bees”?</span></span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Well… Actually I like the idea of younger… 10ish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though that only happened with one of my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a firm believer in answering any question that is asked and letting the child direct their learning on this subject – however… again – that only worked with one of mine.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Picture this…. I’m flat on my back laying on ice having thrown my back out slipping on the ice when my then 10 year old oldest son comes into my bedroom and locks the door and says;</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Mom, I keep hearing on the radio that parents should be talking to their kids about sex; let’s talk.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Me: (while not passing out) okay, sure.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">(I was IMing with my friend Farrah at the time and I’m sure I said something like – holy fucking mother of god, I am not ready for this at the moment.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I started with… ok, well do you know what the word sex means? – nope, he tells me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I described in clinical terms what it meant and then… my lovely and extraordinarily inquisitive child (this and his looks are the only things he got from me) proceeded to ask me more and more specific and pointed questions for the next 45 minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He kept asking more and more follow up questions to understand every damn thing; up to and including how the menstrual cycle works with respect to timing a pregnancy.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The whole time I was dying inside but maintained an air of … ‘this is a perfectly normal conversation to be having’ on the outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally I had enough though when he asked me; </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“so, how does it feel when the penis goes in and out and in and out of the vagina?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was totally cooked by that point and said; “I don’t have one honey, so you’ll have to ask daddy that question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know it feels good, but beyond that, I just don’t know.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(can we say… pass the buck)</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Then… poor husband who is putting child B to bed is blind sided by the eager 10 year old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad, I have a question for you that Jason is too young to hear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dan hears the question and comes into our room and closes and locks the door… hey wait, this feels familiar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING THAT CHILD!?!?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Tom had follow up questions for me the next day that included… “exactly what position are the man and the woman in when the penis is in the vagina?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was as I was driving the boy to school and luckily I did not drive off the side of the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flashing through my brain were all the possible answers to that question when I finally gave myself a mental bitch-slap and described the missionary position thinking - he’s on his own for the rest of them!!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">2. What’s the color scheme in your bedroom?</span></span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;">As is true in my entire house – green (sage-y in this case), red (burgundy in this case) and yellow (more a … deep, brown-y yellow in this case).<br />
</span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 11pt;">3. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use on your hair?</span></span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I use Deva products for curly hair and I love them!!.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">4. And since it’s nearly summer time…do you paint your own toes, go some place for pedicures or not paint your toes at all? What’s your fave toe color?</span></span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My toes are always painted and I love a good pedicure, but often do it myself because I never get around to making an appointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I painted mine just the other day a very crayola type purple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a little crazier on my toes than my fingers – but still not all that crazy – I don’t do blues or greens, so it’s usually hot pink, or red, or orange or purple.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">5. Repeat question: Summarize your week!</span></span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s been a good week for the most part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve watched some friends go through some hard times and that’s been hard to do from afar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were very hectic this week with Dan gone for three days and having some sort of sports practice each night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The weekend only continues… baseball game tonight at 5, then another one tomorrow at 8am, flag football at 2:30 and we’re skipping Tom’s 5pm soccer game and he’s going to the Wizard’s basketball game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s talk now that we’ll all be going, but am not yet sure about that one.</span></span></div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-22177101669648347802012-04-07T13:38:00.000-07:002013-06-18T19:49:00.342-07:00THREE things for a Saturday...<u>So... thing number ONE.</u><br />
<br />
I went and picked up my 13 year old from two hours of soccer practice today.<br />
<br />
T: will you put the top down? (he likes to have it down in front of his friends)<br />
Me: No<br />
T: Oh man, why not?<br />
Me: It's 59 degrees (which is almost doable but damn cold if you have to be on a highway which we did).<br />
T: whine, whine, whine<br />
Me: Stop it now.<br />
T: yes ma'am. (he's a very smart boy)<br />
<br />
But then... Oh. My. God. That boy smelled AWFUL! I mean, truly, truly awful. It was stunning! I couldn't take a full breath without wanting to die.<br />
<br />
Me: Good God, you smell awful.<br />
T: (with the sweetest, most proud smile he has) yeah, I know.<br />
Me: OMG<br />
Very erratically I pulled the car to the side of the road and put the top down.<br />
<br />
Never in my life, have I been so happy to own a convertible. <br />
<br />
<u><br />
</u><br />
<u>Thing number TWO</u><br />
<br />
Band the wonder dog strikes again.<br />
<br />
The idiot dog is outside barking his head off which, as we all know is not an unusual thing, and he's totally ignoring my calls from the window (which works about half of the time).<br />
<br />
I head downstairs to get him inside. He ignores me when I call from the slider in the kitchen (that works 90% of the time). Did I mention I hate my dog? I go out to the railing of the deck to see what he's barking at and I'm treated to my mean little dog doing battle with a little garter snake. He kept grabbing the poor snake and whipping it ferociously back and forth. Unfortunately, by the time I'd gotten out there he'd totally beaten the thing into submission as there was blood and guts being whipped around as well. It was really delightful. I'm so happy to own this dog, have I mentioned that lately. Every few seconds he'd pounce on the thing that was now just about in two pieces and start whipping it back and forth again before releasing it and jumping back out of the way. Again and again he did this until there were seemingly two snakes. ICK!!!<br />
<br />
I will say this is only the second time I can remember that Band managed to do something disgusting while the husband was home - so I can thank him for that as I was able to get Dan to come down and get rid of the dead and bloody snake pieces while I took the idiot dog in for a bath so we could wash the snake blood and guts off of him.<br />
<br />
So... how has your morning been?<br />
<br />
Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure...<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF56578Jwtphcc8KDL5ooJtNGeFxjFlj3DBtGcyQaBDYN9mP3xn-LIv4shb3iy2xZlG43WM-oFVdqLPtsmSiUo8kzdTvvs3Ww4iLNmT-y2AvrdgRvMeDX9AgNR57modW8O49jphunqZRk7/s1600/Ebanditback.JPg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF56578Jwtphcc8KDL5ooJtNGeFxjFlj3DBtGcyQaBDYN9mP3xn-LIv4shb3iy2xZlG43WM-oFVdqLPtsmSiUo8kzdTvvs3Ww4iLNmT-y2AvrdgRvMeDX9AgNR57modW8O49jphunqZRk7/s320/Ebanditback.JPg" width="239" /> </a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
The best picture we could get of the blood on the stupid dog's back </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6AI4oD0C1KD03HTGPizRqFF4TF0eWOPHz9AkfrkxA6YVmxyxdugmikISJpRWAIK8QBTpxN7xcZGzHK7ENsOcdesFqNVwbdgkCWoEjXkyeIkwUr3BZCY6yL5qHPgAelD2TnvTzTtJlZ9NU/s1600/Esnake1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6AI4oD0C1KD03HTGPizRqFF4TF0eWOPHz9AkfrkxA6YVmxyxdugmikISJpRWAIK8QBTpxN7xcZGzHK7ENsOcdesFqNVwbdgkCWoEjXkyeIkwUr3BZCY6yL5qHPgAelD2TnvTzTtJlZ9NU/s320/Esnake1.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0H4Dl5nRMWW2V2euA41Ntv5EJKhBynFcTjHimcnAWj6wtIAtBdGA6ai-hmWH5TZdcJKnO1Ez8aE_5n4o-AHbv_kg879CHl6MdtIH5IWyY0x0zaDDGTg77ZepnT_-FbZVfRwqxa4rNoIFM/s1600/Esnake2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0H4Dl5nRMWW2V2euA41Ntv5EJKhBynFcTjHimcnAWj6wtIAtBdGA6ai-hmWH5TZdcJKnO1Ez8aE_5n4o-AHbv_kg879CHl6MdtIH5IWyY0x0zaDDGTg77ZepnT_-FbZVfRwqxa4rNoIFM/s320/Esnake2.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<u>Thing number THREE</u><br />
<br />
Husband is cleaning out his closet. This is LONG overdue. Last weekend he took out all non-clothes items. It took hours. He has a nice sized closet, but it's not all that huge. He bagged up 12 pairs of tennis shoes to give away, kept two as back ups (not the normal ones he wears, just back ups) and threw two pairs away. And that was just tennis shoes. Also in there were <strike>dolls</strike> action figures, presents we hadn't given the boys, books, comic books, and just all manner of other things. There ended up being three large trash bags full of give aways from the first weekend.<br />
<br />
Today he's working on his <strike>shirts</strike> clothes. He has filled four large trash bags full of shirts he no longer wears - let me repeat that. FOUR LARGE BAGS of shirts to give away. (I'm still shaking my head). It's sort of watching one of those little cars where a million clowns all pile out. Every time I think he has to be done he pulls out more - it's just crazy.<br />
<br />
After he got rid of the four bags of shirts (that makes seven LARGE bags to be given away - seven!) there were still so many shirts left it was ridiculous. I swear he has enough to not have to do laundry for at least three months.<br />
<br />
Some more pictures... of the shirts he is keeping! This does not include the ones he gave away. My husband is a pack rat.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGF0idGhcox5tYMNi9hhgegnOyqNcw5f_C2tMn0jW2rJ1hysJRgGG4RuATTw7KcfGeawVoRYOqoAnubEP-3X5gWIdbcTZRq5MWNRH9ufbvjLdtT8n4RxwM423e1rfulDgCwkn37KX3Wzom/s1600/E+shirts+front.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGF0idGhcox5tYMNi9hhgegnOyqNcw5f_C2tMn0jW2rJ1hysJRgGG4RuATTw7KcfGeawVoRYOqoAnubEP-3X5gWIdbcTZRq5MWNRH9ufbvjLdtT8n4RxwM423e1rfulDgCwkn37KX3Wzom/s320/E+shirts+front.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeTTb4QEsnSh3fwbp9KNMdLpJDrM-RZ_LyBL9q8Dxu2mgZUOl0aj2l_wzA_cukiV4Oe2ohcOCgEZdAGtdIyWEYE1ogRzQ4jY9rIW9bQQfSpU8rK71PoEx-VWD8ieTOdL_IK7a2gssFduOo/s1600/Eshirts+side.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeTTb4QEsnSh3fwbp9KNMdLpJDrM-RZ_LyBL9q8Dxu2mgZUOl0aj2l_wzA_cukiV4Oe2ohcOCgEZdAGtdIyWEYE1ogRzQ4jY9rIW9bQQfSpU8rK71PoEx-VWD8ieTOdL_IK7a2gssFduOo/s320/Eshirts+side.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxYMgnyxhPGFgN7e8nO0cAWvlt3bBY5lOHrF-6v2O5QE_0eFjUHTN5jrqz4CDTRx_eI18naaxmQoBD6KcW0Uw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7436279543582122546.post-74118892426526421442012-03-30T09:35:00.000-07:002013-06-18T19:54:32.950-07:00BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!1. If you believe in a God - who or what form does it take? Person or thing? He or she? None of the above?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I absolutely believe in God and have a very deep and unshakable faith. God to me, though, is everything. God is nature, God is man, God is woman, God is most definitely children. If I see a beautiful sunset or an amazing storm, or the wind whipping the fall leaves around in a really cool way, I thank God. As I sit here thinking about it, I think I most often use masculine pronouns when referring to God, but I think that’s because that’s what most people use and why bother having a stupid conversation about whether it’s a man or a woman or whatever. I absolutely believe that I don’t know God’s plan, but I utterly trust in it. When awful, terrible things happen in the world, I believe to the bottom of my feet that there is a reason – a higher purpose to the tragedy. I can’t live without that complete belief. I also (and I hope this doesn’t offend anyone) totally believe we’re all of the same faith and that the varying religions are all just flavors. I am a born again Christian, I do believe God sent his son down to save me… as in me personally – BUT most other born again Christian’s wouldn’t take me on a bet because I don’t believe that that belief is in any way shape or form the only path to God. The idea that God would send just one guy down in the Middle East, some two thousand years ago and the whole world has to buy into that one thing or else you get fried – that just doesn’t pass my sniff test. I think God is more flexible and creative than that and has given lots of different people lots of different things they needed and that they could understand to help find him. (see male pronoun – LOL). I trust completely in God’s intelligence to get his message out however works best for any given human or group of humans. (go ahead and throw the stones now at your leisure.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
2. If it were considered socially acceptable - would you stop shaving or waxing?<br />
<br />
Um… probably. If it were socially acceptable, I’d assume that means that in general woman wouldn’t be shaving so I can’t imagine I’d start doing something no one else was doing – just for the hell of it – it’s kind of a pita!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
3. How often do you weigh yourself? Why? <br />
<br />
If I’m in a good head space, I do it every day… naked after I pee and it’s not all that big a deal. If I’m not in a good head space, I avoid it like the plague and that’s a dangerous place for me to be in. (I will not confirm or deny that that is where I am right now.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
4. When was the last time you admitted you were wrong? (Thank you to Joey for this question)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I’d have to say – the last time I was wrong. I don’t have any problem at all admitting I was wrong – oh wait… it was yesterday to a coworker. She thought one thing and I thought another – she was right and when I discovered that she was right, I sent her an email telling her so.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
5. Repeat question. How was your week?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
My week was pretty good. Very busy, though. My husband was in and out of town, there were field trips and concerts, and going out with friends that all needed to be fit into the schedule. I’m looking forward to doing a fair amount of not nearly as much for a while!Readhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13065650807764320970noreply@blogger.com1