The story of the accidental big girl fill...

As you may know I've had issues with my band doctor and have decided I need to change doctors.  I think I've even identified the doctor I want to change to (in fact a friend of mine who I met through the stupid support group meetings has already changed from our Dr. Weird (as she named him) to this new doctor).  However, this is my busy season at work and I can't do much of anything during January beyond work (like blogging) and knew it would be a while before I even make the initial call to see if he takes my insurance and will take me as a new patient and whatnot. 

I decided it would be prudent to call Dr. Weird and make an appointment just in case the other one doesn't work out as it usually takes 6-8 weeks to get an appointment.  I figured by the time the appointment came around I could always cancel it if I needed to.  I called on Monday and they had an opening today (3 days later).  I hesitated, but decided.. what the hell.  If it does end up that I stay with Dr. Weird even for the short term, a new baseline weight (where I wasn't trying to be heavier than I am) and an uneventful appointment would probably be a good idea for any future appointments.

I've been at a pretty good place restriction-wise, but I've thought I could probably use a tiny little fill, but not so much that I was willing to fight for it as has proven necessary in the past.  I almost wore a dress to work today knowing I would not be getting a fill so it didn't matter.  At the last minute I decided to put on pants because I was willing to get a small fill if somehow the world shifted and he'd turned human.  But I was still totally planning to tell him that; yes, my appetite has magically gone down, and that no, I didn't really need a fill. 

So, I get there and he says.... so you've lost 14 lbs in the last 10 weeks.  (I'd lost less than a pound a week when I'd been there last time and we had that huge battle).  I did my best to remain completely quiet unless he asked me a question.... just ready to smile, and nod and tell him everything is going great!  He asked the normal questions about water and protein intake and exercise and I answered honestly - I'm still mostly doing all the right things.  He asked about my appetite and I told him I think the last fill had really helped with the appetite (there was not a hint of 'I told you so' in my voice).  He asked about the quantity of food I could consume and I told him honestly that I could no doubt eat more than 1 cup of food at a time, but I was generally not.

Then......

Dr. Weird: So, do you think you need a fill?
Me: (shaking my head) No, not really.  I'm in a pretty good place.  I could probably stand a very small fill of .1 or .2 ccs, but I'm pretty happy with where I am. 
Dr. Weird: (stared silently at me waiting for me to continue)
Me: uh... (smiling trying to project the love between us) Um. I don't really think I need one, but would be willing to get a very small one if you thought that was a good idea. 

(at this point I was thinking, Hell, I think he's going to give me a fill - and all because I appealed to his obviously small penis by suggesting I really didn't know what was best for me - internally I was totally shaking my head)

Dr. Weird:  okay, well let's give you one.

well, knock me down and slap my ass (please!)

Me: okay.  (I'm glad I didn't put that dress on)

He gets the stuff ready and I hop up on the table and he does his stuff and when he's done I ask.

Me: So, how much did you put in (dirty)?

DW: 1.5 ccs

(Holy Big Girl Fill Batman!!!!!!!)

Me: HOLY COW!!!! (I caught the SHIT before it jumped out of my mouth, but didn't manage to remotely hide the complete shock from my face and tone of voice).

(I was thinking, OMG, my period starts in the next day or two and so I'm already at my tightest which is pretty dang tight at this time of the month and he just put in nearly 40% more than I already had.  This isn't going to work.)

He gives me some water to drink and the first few sips seemingly go down well.  But I had purposely taken TINY sips. He was watching me very closely, I'm sure because of my earlier 'holy cow'.  We went back and forth about whether it was really going down and after less than 2 oz of the tiniest sips possible the gurgling gassy noises started popping out as the air was trying to make room for the water.  I asked him if this didn't work out, if in a couple of days I couldn't eat anything besides liquids how would he handle that, totally thinking he'd do a total unfill, but he said he'd probably take out about half of what he'd just put in (dirty).  But after another few sips it was clear the water wasn't really going down.  So I hopped back on the table and he took out .5cc and the water went down fine. 

So in summary, last time when I really thought I needed a fill he barely gave me .5cc which was a fine size for me, but a seemingly big fucking deal to him and this time when I was pretty fine with where I was though suggested a .1 or .2cc fill was probably an okay thing he started at 1.5cc - WTF????  So I went in thinking there's no way in hell I'm getting a fill (and perfectly happy with that) to getting 25% more added to my band.

I'm telling you, it was a total accident, I swear!  I'm on liquids for 2 days then 2 days of mushies and given TOM's impending arrival I'm going to religiously stick to that and then we'll just have to see.