Epiphanies sometimes make me feel stupid...

What’s that about?  So, I have a friend (J) and she also has the band.  We met through our doctor’s support group.  She’s smarter than I as she’s already switched doctors.  I’ll get around to following suit one of these days.  Anyway, she’s been having some odd pains related to her band and I’m hoping to get her to give me more details so I can then ask all you wonderful people for some advice about it.

But anyway, I was emailing her today and I was talking about how I used to have all these puking problems or pain in the chest problems (and these problems were at a lower fill leven than I'm at now) and I really limited what I ate during that time – to only “safe” foods.  Things I knew wouldn’t kill me.  For a while I just believed that there were just lots of foods that were off limits for me for the rest of my life.  I can’t say I was even all that unhappy about it – it is what it is.  Eh. 

But then I read blog after blog and decided that no, it was just that I was eating too fast, or not chewing well enough, or taking bites that were too big.  Things like that.  The basic stuff – While I do like rules to live by, I also like to push against them too.  Hmmmm maybe I just need a good dom in my life?  What do you think?

Anyway.  As I’ve mentioned I’m the slowest poke in the world when it comes to learning new things.  I need to try and try and test and test and try some more before I really believe it.  (I’m obviously not the original doubting Thomas, but there’s no doubt he’s a distant relative). 

So finally to the epiphany.  So.. Well, this is about my weight loss stall.  I hit 199 the day before I went to Disney World over Thanksgiving and I hit 195 around Christmas.  And I’ve been hovering between 190 and 195 ever since then.  Every few weeks I dip into the high 180s, but mostly I’m steady as a rock in that five pound range.

It’s getting old.  Well a few months ago it was getting old.  A few months ago I wanted to kill myself I was so annoyed by this (I’m not serious even a little bit).  But recently, I’ve been settling into this calm mental place.  Like I know it’s going to be fine and I just got it. The why part.  Cuz of course my worrier brain needed to understand my new found confidence.  I think I finally figured out this eating thing. 

I’ve been getting fills, being overfilled, getting unfilled, wrestling with my doctor, yadda, yadda, yadda – and each of those things has had a short term effect on my eating habits and weight loss – but… What I’ve been doing over these past several months is listening to you guys!!!  I’ve been working diligently on taking small bites – this is the one that’s still the hardest for me.  On chewing really, really well.  I swear to God every time I put a bite of something in my mouth I hear Karin from Lap Band Gal’s voice in my head “chew it until it’s the consistency of applesauce”.  On eating slowly.  This is another really hard one, but one I think I’ve finally mastered.  You know… all the basic band stuff.  It’s only taken me ten months to feel like I’ve gotten them down pat.  But… I think this is the calm.  I think in all the months of 2011 I’ve been concentrating on learning how to eat correctly – not so much concentrating on what to eat.  I’m not saying I’ve been eating awfully, I haven’t.  But I’ve definitely been testing to see what I can and can’t eat.  As it turns out, I haven’t found a thing I can’t eat as long as I take it slowly and am not stupid about it.  And that’s a damn beautiful thing.  Though I will confess I'm still working on being completely consistent on my quantity per meal.  Now it's Gilly's voice I hear - she's much more direct than Karin when she's yelling at me in my head which is, of course, why I love her so.  I'm just about there though, I think.

So I think I’m calm because, I don’t feel like I need to test that stuff anymore.  So now, hopefully I’ll be able to concentrate on eating in a way that will help me with my weight loss goals – since I think I’ve gotten some of this other stuff out of the way.  So I just want to send out a heart felt thanks to all of you and your wonderful blogs full of all kinds of wonderful information that is helping poor schmubs like me figure this all out!!  You all are the greatest!!

Oh and – if you haven’t already – go check out my last post which is a video of our very own Tessie Rose and her lovely husband John doing karaoke in NOLA – so much fun!!!