screaming like a little girl...

Do you all have stink bugs?  They are these stupid shield shaped bugs that someone thought it would be a good idea to import from China.  Only they don’t have any known predators in the states and so they are slowly taking over the country.

In the summer they swarm on sunny windows by the hundreds (I’m not kidding).  Then they can squish themselves really flat and slide on into your house and hang out there as the weather starts to get cold.  Like me, they don’t like to be cold.  Last summer was our third summer with them – we’re about a year ahead of most people in our area – I think it’s because we live in the Patapsco River valley, though that’s a total guess.  They stuck around throughout the winter this year for the first time – oh how delightful – they want to be inside where it’s warm – yay us!  Exterminators are at a loss for how to deal with them and when you kill them they emit an odor only other stink bugs can smell that attracts more stink bugs – so it’s best to flush them.  They are super slow and somewhat noisy when they fly around.  They make this little buzzing sound as they fly and then they land on something and it’s easy peasy to pick them up and dispose of them.  They are harmless, but annoying – sort of like a fly – only much easier to catch.

Every single day I have to flush 1 or 2 stink bugs. (last summer that number was more like 10-15).  The scientists have apparently just created some sort of non-stinging wasp that will eat their eggs and that is supposed to keep them from taking over the world – I’m, of course, sure this means that the wasps will do something unintended like eat all the trees – but that’s not for me to worry about right now.  I’m here to tell you how this strong powerful woman was reduced to blathering screaming little girl by the likes of a stupid, harmless stink bug; the kind I have been dealing with every single frickin’ day for quite a while now.

That was a seriously long build up to a really, really stupid story – so I apologize in advance as there’s really no payoff here.

So… there I am sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner with Brad.  I’ve got a bowl of mashed potatoes in front of me (I apparently was in the need of some comfort food).  When all of a sudden from out of nowhere – a super, rocket powered, turbo boosted stink bug dive bombs into the middle of my potatoes.  I screamed and turned white (according to Brad) and couldn’t speak for a minute.  I was so mad that a stupid stink bug could scare me that I was embarrassed too.  So there I am staring at my husband – willing him to get rid of that mean ol’ bug for me like a good man should do.  And there he is staring at me thinking someone had done a quick body snatch or something.  Actually he was scared to death that I’d somehow sustained a serious injury while sitting next to him eating mashed potatoes.  He claims the only time he’s ever seen me react anywhere near to what I had done was when my back is out.  It took several long minutes while I was believing he’d have to turn in his man card for not getting rid of the bug for me and him thinking I was never going to walk again before I managed to get him to look in the damn bowl and see the stink bug.

He quickly swept it away – man card still intact – and asked me if I still wanted the potatoes – man card got a gold star, husband card had points removed.