Hey... remember me?? (waving hands in air like a crazy person)

Hello everyone, remember me???

So…. Sorry I’ve been hiding a bit.  I’m mostly just a dork.  Let’s see if I can catch you up, shall I.

So.. first of all… do you all notice that it truly is the little things that make all the difference in the world?

I must confess (and yes – this is a big ol’ excuse, I know that) but losing weight is very difficult in the middle of a major marital crisis.  There are only so many balls I can juggle at any one time and while I’ve basically maintained during all this, I’ve found it hard to give eating right and exercising the energy and priority level it really needs.  I see myself making much better choices in general – in small ways – but… over the long haul there aren’t enough of them. 

But recently I feel that’s changing and it was just a little thing that seems to have pushed me in a better direction.  I’ve had a few conversations recently, just a little back and forth exchanges in which I was reminded that *I’m* important.  The me part of that.  The world is much, much bigger than what’s going on inside my house, inside my marriage. 

Who knows what the future holds, right?  Nothing’s a guarantee.  But I don’t have to be stuck in this wait and see mode.  Will he or won’t he?  Can he share and then get rid of his anger?  Can he provide me with the things I need to feel loved and cared for?  Who knows.  But… that doesn’t mean I have to sit around and do nothing before I have my answer.  I might not know for years, hell Jack’s getting better, but he’s still got a ways to go before I won’t believe that a split would break him.  So I choose to move forward and put me first now.  I’m still going to put in the energy to repair my marriage and it might even work, but as I’m only one half of the equation.. eh?  We’ll see.  But, I’m not going to be defined any longer by that. 

On to my kids…

Every day Jackson says…. When my hamsters die can I get a new pet.  Um.. maybe but they better not die of neglect!!  Now he’ll say… When my hamsters die can I get a new pet and before you say anything I’m checking on the hamsters to make sure they have food and water every single day. 

Bachelorette parties….

OMG!!  I swear I missed the whole lesson entitled “this is what it’s like to be a girl”  I’ve been muddling through all this time.  Right now somehow I ended up in the position of planner for a bachelorette party and can I just tell you I’m out of my element here.  Who knew there were all these rules and traditions?  Not me!!

So first there’s a subset of people going to a spa in the afternoon.  I swear to god getting these woman to schedule their shit at times that make sense gives a whole new meaning to the term “herding cats”.  I totally understand what that means now!  Good god!!  I think that part is finally over, thank god!  And now I’m looking forward to a lovely facial and an extra indulgent pedicure this Saturday.

Then we’re heading out for a night on the town in Baltimore.  Starting at a bar, moving to a restaurant then a piano bar for singing then possibly a gay bar or two for dancing.  Sadly for the straight, single women in the group (and me), the only really good dancing around here is in the gay bars.  Aaaaah, it makes me a little wistful for my misspent youth… I spent a whole lot of hours dancing there back in the day.

Anyway – I was at this crab feast this past weekend and one of the attendees was there and she’s definitely a girly girl and I learned there are games to be played and things to be worn so we look like the group we are – and things for the bride to be to wear so people will buy her drinks… Geesh.  Who knew??  Probably all of you, but I swear I had no idea.  So now I’ve got a trunk full of pink beads and tiaras and blinking engagement rings and light up bride to be pins.  Holy shit.  It’s as if Barbie threw up in my trunk – bitch!

And – I have 10 pages of “I never” questions so we can play over dinner!  I need to write them out on cards first, so they’ll be prettier but I’m expecting to be mighty drunk if you know what I mean!

Oh and speaking of the crab feast – it was my annual company picnic and there are always door prizes.  And I win them more than my fair share and I hate it!  I mean I love to win, but in the past few years our CEO has taken to channeling Monty Hall from Let’s Make a Deal.  Your name gets drawn by some random 5 year old and you go up to the front of the room (I already hate it) and then you get to pick any of the remaining wrapped presents laid out on the table.  Big and small boxes of all shapes and sizes.  You can’t touch them, you just have to point.  Then the dealing starts.  “Read, can I give you $20 instead of the box?”  No, I say.  Because I can not possibly describe to you how truly awful this part of it is.

There are dud prizes up there.  Like a flashlight and there are wonderful prizes like cameras and a Wii.  So – you are up there making or not making a deal that will end up showing the world that you made a good or a bad decision.  And the CEO LOVES it – he does his best to draw it out and be funny and put you on the spot (I know some of you are cringing right along with me here).  I won last year too and I swear I blocked the whole thing out of my mind because I don’t remember what I won at all.  But I go up there already deciding I will not take the deal – that I’m just going to say no to the money no matter how high he goes and hope that it will be over soon.  So that’s what I did and…. I won a Wii!  Which was totally cool!!!   We already have one, but I’ve secretly been wanting another one that I could dedicate to WiiFit and now I have it!!

I’m still working my way through the blogs but I’m getting there.  I’m in love with what Laura Belle said about rewarding herself after whatever… like 5 days of working out = shoes.  This is how I’m going to do it too.  I’ve so far managed to stay away from that shoe site that all of you are drooling over and losing your life savings to – but I know it’s only a matter of time..  5 days of exercising later…..

Have a fun day today!!