BYOC!!! Bring Your Own Crazy!!

It's time for BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!  A few questions we answer in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you wish.  Enjoy!!

1.  Let's stick with the pictures/exercise and shoe topic and post a picture of (or describe) your work out shoes.

Unfortunately I'm at work at the moment and the shoes in question are at home so no pictures for me.  Currently, I'm wearing Nikes and the swoosh is pink - they're very cute.  Nike's wide shoes seem to fit me perfectly now.  I've gone back and forth between New Balance and Nike, and right now - it's Nike, but that could totally change.

2.  Again with the summer/hot theme of the week....what does your current swimsuit look like?

I have a couple - a brown one with a pattern on it, a solid navy blue one, a dark green one.  They all follow a similar theme.  They have deeply plunging necklines that show my girls off to advantage and I always wear swim shorts or a skirt, depending on the suit so as not to frighten the masses with my scary thighs.

3.  Do you lay out, fake bake, sunless spray tan or use tanning lotion?

I can't lay out.  When I was younger I would try, I swear.  I'd get out there.  Get myself all set up.  The chair or the sand just how I wanted it.  The towel just so.  The book... the drink...  the music... everything just right.  And then... I'd lay there.  About 3 minutes later someone would have to hold me down from killing myself.  I still have bald spots from the hair I pulled out.  I did manage not to kill all the people who look like they are actually enjoying laying about doing nothing in the sun.  I'm sure these are the same people who think weeding is relaxing.  Both things completely escape me.  I mean seriously.  Why would you lie down in the hot sun and sweat when you could lie on a cool couch and not?  (at least weeding accomplishes something, but those people are still nuts!)  I do enjoy being tan though, and watching my kids play sports all weekend long goes a long way towards that.  I will occassionally purposely choose a tank top to wear to a sporting event to allievate any farmer's tan I've got going, but that's as close as I come.

4.  Describe your week in blogland and in real life.

In blogland - I'm getting caught up, but I'm not there yet.  I was really, really behind.  I'm looking forward to the BOOBs challenge and was so thrilled to see that Justine's husband surprised her with a trip to Chicago!!!  How great is that!

In real life - eh.  We had our 1^st counseling appointment.  (Wait, can I just say this is so not like me.  I’m not one to tell people what’s going on in my private life.  I’m a very private person about all things personal and here I am telling all you crazy bitches people my personal business.  I swear I’m gonna deny all this when I get to Chicago!  I do find though that it does help me; it’s both cathartic and often helps me get my thoughts straight – so seriously thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so supportive of my ranting and raving – not to mention for not running screaming in the other direction!!)  But... I guess we'll see.  I'm very glad we went and are going.  It turns out Brad is pissed as shit.  Like seriously mad.  I'm apparently a very mean and unfair person.  He's mad that I don't give him credit for all the wonderful things he does, mad that I refer to the repeated situations where he said he would do "X" and then didn't do "X" as examples where he lied to me (the nerve of me), mad that he feels he has to be defensive all the time, mad that I was mad at him and ripped him a new ass hole last year.  And no doubt the straw that broke the camel's back in our marriage was something stupid he did right after I had lap band surgery a year ago tomorrow - it was a perfect storm.  The thing he did was stupid - not mean or malicous. 

There's no doubt that it, in and of itself didn't deserve the intensity of my reaction.  But as I told him then and many times since then - it was the last straw. Lots of straw had been piled on that poor camel's back.  I'd been trying to get him to listen to me for years, trying to make him see there was a problem and he kept saying, I'll do this or that and then he wouldn't (which is not lying) which used to be just not who he was - his word was his bond.  It just happened to hit all the buttons I have and not only prevented him from being able to take care of me after surgery but required me to take care of him and to have pack up my son and take him up to camp and sign him in for his two weeks away which is a two or so hour process after more than an hour drive on a 104 degree day.  I had to stop for diaharea a few times up and there and back (as many of you can remember from the days immediately following surgery).  And I couldn't take any drugs, other than that disgusting liquid tylenol because, hello, I was driving not to mention I had my son with me.  I was in pain, nauseated, and miserable.  So it was one of the worst days of my life ever and it happened about 48 hours after I hit the recovery room from surgery and there's no doubt - it snapped my usualy control and I was pissed as hell and let him have it with both barrels.  So sue me.

I'm a little stunned that after this really shitty year we've had, where I've been all but begging him to do something - talk to me, go to counseling, do any damn thing.  That he's had all this amazing anger in there not making the slightest peep.  We've had the most passionless (and I'm not talking about sex though it certianly fits there too) marriage for a while now - and I'm sitting there next to him in that room and all this passion is just spewing forth from him and I was left dead shocked - not at the anger so much - but at the passion.  Like where the hell has that been.  You can't be happy in this passionless place we live while there's all this passion living inside you, can you??  He said lots of things that in my mind are just nuts, but that's ok too.  He latched on to a few things here and there that he's really fixated on and built up in his brain as I guess justification for all this anger.  I brought a copy of the post I wrote about our marriage on 5/18 because I thought it did a really good job of talking about where I was and how I got here and she had me read it aloud at the beginning - then 80% of the rest of the time was Brad being mad. 

When all is said and done, I liked the woman and thought she did a good job of highlighting the important stuff and I think it's a really good thing that he could begin to get that out of him - or at least begin to process that.  Mabye that will help.  We'll see.  I remain open.