I swear one of these days I'll really get back to blogging - I do so love it!!!
1) I am not getting enough sleep. I think it’s because I’m leading a double life and it’s beginning to catch up with me. But being a secret agent for a double super secret government agency is really fun.
2) My 11 year old has survived his first three days of school. There has been plenty of vomiting and tears, but I each day was better than the last. This morning went like this… he had a nightmare at 4am and didn't go back to sleep. He threw up once before getting in the shower, had me pull over so he could catch his breath on the way in, but got out of the car saying he was in a good place… Sigh.
3) My 14 year old was AMAZINGLY pissed this morning because his alarm didn’t go off and he had me waking him up instead. Pointing out that he failed to set the alarm didn’t calm him down one little bit.
4) The B@ltim*re C*mic*n, that Dan helps run, is in a touch more than a week. It occurred to me yesterday that we are doing much better this year than in past years as I only want to bash his head in about 50% of the time this year which is significantly down from previous years. I think just backing away and letting him do his own thing really helped.
5) A month from now I’ll be in Chicago and I am so excited about it. I can’t wait to be with all my friends – to actually sit and play with them!! I’m sort of a little giddy about it.
6) In three weeks my bff (she’ll hate that) Farrah is coming to visit for a long weekend and I am so excited. She’s leaving her kids at home and I’m taking off work and I have no idea what we’ll do. For all you out there in cyberspace – I met her online and we’ve been friends for more than five years and it was only a year ago that I met her for the first time. I headed out to her house in WY (which is a long way from MD) and was instantly “at home”. I think she is why Chicago wasn’t so much of a big deal to me last year – well that and I already loved all of you too!
7) I love the word squirmy.
8) I recently learned that one of my friends from high school lives approximately 10 minutes from me and plays his bass regularly on Tuesdays at a local open mic night. So this week me and a friend went and joined him and his wife and watched him play for a little bit. It was so fun to just jump right back in as if the last 400 years hadn’t passed. His wife treated me as if she too had known me since high school; it was kind of sweet, funny, and odd at the same time. I very much liked her – though it was a table full of introverts who don’t talk a lot… but we all did just fine together.
9) I wanted to buy some Mylanta and hair color today online – cuz I think those two things go together for some reason – and the first three places I went to had no Mylanta in stock… what’s that about?
10) I am afraid of refried beans. I don’t know why, but it’s true.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Little factual background: Jason has suffered with anxiety issues for the last three plus years. Some days it’s better than others. He saw a therapist a year or two ago and we found that extremely helpful and he had a very good time in the last 18 months or so. But as the end of school neared – which meant the end of elementary school and middle school looming in the fall – it’s all started back up again, which we predicted – only this time it’s on steroids.
We got him back in therapy with the same person he connected with so well last time though he’s fighting it tooth and nail. And we have an appointment next week with a psychiatrist to look into putting him on some sort of medication at least while this very acute part of his anxiety is raging.
So it’s Friday morning and I’m driving Jason to camp. This has been touch and go all summer depending on where he is on the anxiety scale. He’s clawed himself up from the depths of the hole he was in a couple of weeks ago, thankfully and each day he seems a little better. On this particular day he was back to his normal funny, snarky self. All was right in the world and he packed his lunch and got his pool bag ready and off we went.
I was digging for something in my purse at a light and all but threw my purse on his lap when the light turned green and this caused him to inadvertently hit something in his
game on his iTouch. Somehow he hit TNT and blew up the ladders in the pool he’d just painstakingly created. This started a hilarious conversation about just how much of a national disaster this was. Eden
Jason: What if President Obama had been in the pool when you made me burn all my bridges down?
Me: uh… I think his upper arm strength would come through for him and he’d still be able to get out.
Jason: no way, because there were assassins there and they would just keep kicking him to keep him in the pool. Really this could be a national disaster.
Me: uh.. I feel pretty confident that the secret service would put and end to the kicking assassins.
Jason: no, because they would kill the secret service guys
Me: nope. The secret service would kill the bad guys.
Jason’s plan got bigger and bigger and involved the assassins going back in time and bringing Albert Einstein to current day and having him invent a miniature tank that could be added like a poison to a member of the Secret Service’s food so they would ingest the tank and then it would expand to normal size, killing the agent and providing great protection against the rest of the Secret Service. I, of course, maintained that if the Secret Service saw Albert Einstein walking around they would kill him as it would be too out of the ordinary and they would know a plot was at hand.
The point is there was much laughing and frivolity going on throughout the drive to camp up to the point where, about 300 yards before the turn into camp, we passed a long row of trees that are turning fall colors already and I said – omg, Jase, look at those poor confused trees, they think it’s already fall. They already have four different colors going on.
STOP. THE. HOLY. FUCKING. PRESSES.
I used the word Fall. This is a big no no, though I had no idea at the time. Really I should have been able to anticipate that one – I think of it as a rookie mistake and at this point in time I HATE making rookie mistakes. But alas…
Jason: Mom, when we get in there please pull into the parking lot and don’t drop me off, I’ve got to talk to you.
Me: (fuck fuck fuck fuck this is never a good sign) ok sweetheart.
Jason: (crying) I can’t do it. I can’t go. I’m worried about the bus ride. Talking about those trees made me think about school and I’m all worried about school and I can’t get it out of my head.
Me: (fuck fuck fuck fuck sticking a fork firmly in my eye) – okay baby, we can do this. We just need to … blah blah blah….
I got him calmed down enough to go to camp and get on the bus to go swimming. Phew!
It’s his second appointment with the therapist and he does not want to go. He was PISSED at the first meeting. It made it worse, he doesn’t want to talk to anyone else about his feelings (who would?), we are mean for making him go… But this time he got smarter.
Jason: Mom, I am afraid of Dr. L.
Me: afraid? (he already saw him very successfully and we have several friends whose children have seen the same man over the years very successfully). Don’t worry, I’ll be right outside. I know it’s hard, but I know you can do it.
Jason: no, he really creeps me out. I’m afraid he’s going to hurt me.
Me: (oh Jase, you are a clever one). He’s not going to hurt you. He helped you last time. He helped our friends. Daddy and I would never take you anywhere unsafe and I’ll be right outside the whole time.
This went on for the entire drive there with him crying constantly. At some point he realized I was taking him anyway and asked me if I thought he should tell Dr. L that he thought he was creepy. I told him he certainly could tell him that, he could tell him anything he wanted to, but he didn’t have to share it if he didn’t want to.
The appointment required that I be in the room with him as he could not get himself together without that which was fine of course and Dr. L is very good at what he does and got the crying and incoherent Jason calmed down and willing by the end. In hindsight it was probably good that the good doctor got to see him like that as it’s not an unusual state for him this summer.
We get in the car afterwards and in about 3 seconds Jason was back to being his normal happy self. I, on the other hand, was traumatized by the entire experience and wanted a lot of vodka.
I learned that Fall is a very, very bad word and will never be uttered again in.
But then cut to Monday….
Jason’s a little iffy in the morning. I get his lunch ready to go and he’s ok, but subdued on the drive over. Until we pass the same fucking trees.
Note to self – go the long way to camp, you idiot!!! Another rookie mistake.
Jason: MOM! PULL OVER NOW!
Oh fuck. I get us pulled over and he’s out and on his hands and knees in a flash where he soon throws up. Great – I’m so excited. We were so close to camp again.
Jason: Wow! I feel GREAT!!! Man I so needed to do that. It was like a ball in the pit of my stomach all morning. Let’s go. It’s Olympic week and I don’t want to be late.
Again, I’m thinking I need more vodka.
Today we went the long way and didn’t see a single non-green leaf. There were no issues and Jason couldn’t wait to get there again.
No idea what tomorrow will bring.